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Saturday, August 31, 2019

August-- You've Been One Wild Ride!
   

  I like putting words in the title in bold because the titles are defaultly in bold so when I put it in bold it becomes Less Bold but you still get the idea  that' its bold somehow!  That's just what good writers do-- make you see Less Bold and interpret it as More Bold, what can I say I'm a really talented guy.  Anyway, one thing I'm considering as a Diet Plan is two small breakfasts and one medium lunch instead of one small breakfast and one bigger lunch.  Essentially a mandatory Brunch each day.  I dunno, though, is that brunch?  I was always under the impression Brunch was instead of Breakfast and/or Lunch.  Do people do Breakfast, then Brunch, then Lunch in the same day?  Is that allowed?  Also, as a Man, is it socially acceptable to eat Brunch, especially regularly and by myself?  Brunch seems like a vaguely feminine thing to do.  That's my Hot Take on 2nd Breakfasts where it may or may not resemble a light lunch.
    Cool!  Before I woke up today, an hour or two ago, I had this phrase in my mind, like a Real Cool Twitter Gotcha Point Political Thing --  Question for Donald Trump-- which crimes do you prefer, the ones you committed before becoming president, or the ones you committed as president?  Then, after I woke up, even thought to ask, and how about the ones you anticipate making after being president?  I think that Gotcha Political Thing adds some good context, highlighting the fact that our president has been committing crimes his whole life and its only gotten worse NOW THAT HE'S THE PRESIDENT.  Anyway, what else.   Big props to the DreamPolice who made me think that phrase!  Anyway, this is the morning, gonna continue the entry later today.  Just wanted to get HeyBrunchIsWeird and HeyPresidentIsCommittingTooManyCrimes Talk out of the way!  See ya later!
    Meh do 1 more paragraph in the morning.  Tell ya'll where I'm at in life This Morning.  Got 2nd Breakfast coming up in 10/15 minutes.  200 calorie Frozen Breakfast Sandwich.  Not quite a brunch, I feel.  Brunches have to be a bit bigger than that, that's how I feel!!!  Both in terms of Size of Meal, and in Substance of Meal.  Gotta be a bit heavier and so on and so forth.  But, I mean, scheduling-meals-wise, it can be called Brunch.   But I think 2nd Breakfast is more accurate.  Anyway, yesterday it turns out I was able to limit drinking to the 2 beers!  So I may or may not drink today before calling it off completely for the next month.  That's My Life These Days This Day Specifically!!  Also, Brunch seems like something you have to do with friends-- I think that's why I thought of it as vaguely feminine-- because it calls to mind Sex & The City type situations or something.  Rarely do people conceptualize their meals and are like well I'm gonna eat some Brunch Alone.  Right?  Brunch may only become Brunch if you're in a social setting and you all agree that You're Having Brunch Together.  Maybe.
    Fourth paragraph and 2nd Breakfast is still 10 minutes away.  Might as well do a solid 5 paragraph block before going away for a while!  I like that plan because Multiples of Fives are what make the world go round.  Also some sort of gravity or magnetism or something here or there, I don't have all the details!  Something in the Earth's core, or the Sun's pull on the Earth, or the MoleMen living just underneath the surface, I have no idea!  It must be weird to be an accomplished scientist or anything, in any particular field, because you probably have a lot of scientific knowledge beyond that field.  Like, you could be a marine biologist, but I bet you could explain why the Earth spins.  Or you could be a theoretical physicist and explain The Human Body.  (Huh?)  Or you could be a brain surgeon and explain how... uhh.... Clocks Work. (HUH?!) That's my Go-To for HOW DOES IT WORK?!?!  Clocks.  Kind of a running joke that's not a joke at all but an expression of my extreme frustration with being unable to conceptualize how clocks work.
    Oh well, some things we're never meant to know.  Well, along with Clocks, apparently the Other Two Things I'm interested in learning about are Why Earth Spins and The Human Body.  Sounds about right.  Why was I planning on stopping this entry for later in the first place, I'm starting to get into a groove!  Letís keep it goin' for now and see where that takes me.  How come Al Gore doesn't show up anywhere anymore.  He was all about combatting Global Warming before it was cool!  Now that some people are talking about it, he's no where to be found.  Is he in his fortress of solitude just thinking My Work Here Is Done, I Did My Small Part and now it's up to The New Blood to take over.  Why would he do that-- we need all the Climate Advocates we can get!!! C'mon Al Gore, get back in the game!  We need ya!  I know one of the slanders against Al Gore in 2000 was this guy shows no emotion he's like a robot, which I think was based on his personality, but also may have been basd on his name.  Al... Gore... ITHM.  HES A FUCKIN COMPUTER PROGRAM GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!
    Something like that, I dunno.  It's kind of interesting to look back on that time and realize he probably won the presidency but the Supreme Court stole the election from him.  Hmm so that's how America in the 21st century started... ah ahah now I see why we are where we are.  Wonderful!  Sixth paragraph.  Hey you know the Supreme Court? of course I do, they're the ultimate bastion of justice, making sure everything ultimate works out the right and legal way!  well they decided to give the presidency to someone by arbitrarily ruling to stop counting votes... so arbitrary they made it clear it would set no precedent but was only applicable to this one case.  OH SHIT THE SUPREME COURT DID THAT? ...Oh well, America'll do just fine with a biased, political, and corrupt supreme court probably...
   
That's how I feel!  Hey you know the supreme court?  yeah but at this point I wish I didn't.  The Senate just elected AN (ATTEMPTED) RAPIST to be one of the 9 members.  Please stop telling me about the supreme court.  Good idea for a Sex & The City type show where the main character's name i Courtney and she's supreme for some reason one way or another.  Supreme Court, Thursday's On Fox.  Seventh paragraph.  Figure I'll get to 10, then break until later in the afternoon.  Sounds about right.  I think the entire reason Al Gore was passionate about Fighting Global Warming is so that when he was doing that Power Point Presentation, he was on that weird Elevator Thing which let him go up and down.  You know what I mean.  That shit looked like fun!  It was all just to get him into that situation and Ride That Ride, baby.  Ride That Ride.
    Eighth paragraph!  I bet there's a phenomenon where people consciously avoid watching Better Shows and Movies in lieu of Worse Ones because they constantly think alright I'm not in the mood to really pay attention to something good, might as well save it for a later date where I'll give it the attention it deserves, I'll watch this other crap in the meantime.  And then That Later Date never comes, so you just keep watching crap indefinitely, and the few things that are actually worth watching never get watched!  Sounds like a phenomeon to me!  Anyway.  That's another way to conceptualize Having To Impeach Trump.  If you don't impeach him, when he's not president anymore he's just gonna be brazenly committing even more crimes!  And who knows what kinda problems his Post-Presidency-Crimes will be!  I can't even imagine explicitly but I can sort of imagine Hey there's a lot of damage that Trump as an ex-president, who has never been held accountable for anything, can do...  You gotta send a message to THIS GUY IN PARTICULAR, FORGET EVERYONE ELSE, Hey, Trump... FUCKIN' NO MORE crimes!  I'm puttin' my foot down!
   
I dunno, something like that.  And just saying, "No More!", Ms. Pelosi, is not sending a message.  You actually have to, legally and whatnot, hold him accountable.  See that he faces consequences.  Or, at least force Republicans to explicitly shield him from those consequences-- you gotta at least show YOU'RE for consequences for someone committing crimes.  He's not, "Self-Impeaching."  That's not a thing.  Anyway, what else is going on.  My guess is the centrist leadership among Democrats, between Pelosi and Biden and the like, are probably acting more loyal to Other Republicans than they are to their base.  My guess is behind the scenes, they're talking to Senate and House Republicans and they're like don't worry, we won't force you to either defend him against impeachment or risk losing some of your supporters, as long as we agree we'll be friends moving forward after Trump.  There's absolutely no other reason not to impeach, unless you wanna help out the Republicans by not having to vote for or against it.  No other reason.
    Tenth paragraph!  Then its break time!  Maybe it's not necessarily framed as protecting Republicans but an ill-advised mode of thinking where it's like well if we make Republicans all vote to protect Trump, that'll lead us further down that rabbit hole where Trump is more permanently The Head of The Republican Party, even beyond when he's gone, and that'll be only solidified, where as if we don't explicitly make Current Republican Senators and Congress People Defend Him Against Impeachment, there's more wiggle room for them to become more moderate after Trump.  Which is total and complete irresponsible bullshit.  You're not impeaching him because you're scared, essentially, one way or another.  Don't be scared! Be scared of not impeaching him!  That's what the rest of us are!  This ten paragraph block was brought to you by Brunch.  See ya later.

-11:34 A.M.

 

"Get A Brunch Of Your Friends Together!"
   

  Can you still have a Brunch after Lunch?  Look, I'm not making a new portmanteau of Lunch and Dinner.  Cause I'm talking about a meal with the exact same culinary and social implications of Brunch-- just after Lunch.  Seems like it should be allowed, right?  That's my opinion.  Anyway, gonna do some drinking today right now.  Really send off August the right way!  August Flowers brings September Brunches.  Huh.  Rejected Titles For Just Now-- Martin Short: The Book, Yer Up Next!  and then I'd talk a little bit about how Martin Short: The Book will be the next thing I read and thus have my life and personal-life-narrative revolve around (better ask a marine biologist exactly how one's life revolves physically around a book).  Book must have a pretty large gravitational pull.  Another possible title was How To Take A Fall, and then I'd be like That's the title of an Elliott Smith song that I always took to mean, "How To Prepare For Autumn."  You know, like buy a new sweatshirt jacket, or if you're in school, load up on black and white notebooks and those pens specifically marketed to 3rd-5th graders which are erasable.
    We had these pens that had erasers when I was in late-Elementary School, and never again in my life have I come across them.  Seems kind of an egregious oversight, right?  Superfluous, one might say.  Also, Hey What Else Is Going On.  I know Bill Maher and others are like what if Trump just doesn't leave when he's voted out, which I guess is possible, but I think the more likely thing is, he leaves physically, agrees this new person is the president technically, but still behaves like he's in charge and what he says goes and represents the actual will of the people.  In fact, I can't imagine a scenario where he doesn't behave like that... unless you make it abundantly clear that this guy is guilty of crimes, now has been impeached and hopefully convicted, and is thus no longer relevant or welcome in our media-political system-climate.  Unless you make it clear this man is a criminal many times over he's still just gonna act like he's in charge. 
   
Gimme another Nobel Peace Prize for that paragraph!  I figure I'm averaging 6, 8 Nobel Prizes a Month these days.  What else is going on.  It'll be fun to see ow it all shakes out.  Will goodness prevail?  Will evilness??  Probably somewhere in the middle.  By which I mean evilness will prevail but in an unexpected way that isn't quite as bad as our worst fears but certainly isn't quite Good but leaves enough wiggle room that there's still Hope For Good.  That's my bet.  What paragraph we into these days.  The point is I got a croissant for After-Lunch-Brunch later and there's really not much anyone can do about it.  Also, it does reach the Social Standard for it being Brunch, because I'm gonna eat it while Writing Here!  It's like its not just me here, but all my best friends!  Why, there's the marine biologist, the theoretical physicist.... the third one.  Hmm what was the third one, I'll go check!  Brain Surgeon.  Hmm.  Seems a little on the nose and cliche.  Almost as chiche as Rocket Scientist.  Hah, I know there's the phrase it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist... but how many people will introduce themselves as Hi, I'm Jim, I'm a Rocket Scientist.  No one!  There's no one who considers their job description to be I'M A ROCKET SCIENTIST!  Probably not at least, that's my guess.
    Hey, great, what else.  It's like a kid going I wanna grow up to be an astronaut.  I'm gonna grow up to be a Rocket Scientist!  Same level of comprehension of rocketry and scientistry and whatnot.  14th paragraph.  How about that!  Croissant for Post-Lunch-Brunch.  Chipotle for Dinner.  Gonna send off August the only way I know how-- by enduring time for the next 10 hours and 40 minutes.  I can't wait until 2020.  I know it's completely arbitrary, but it still feels like we're gonna be entering a new Era.  All the old rules of the 20-teens are goin' out the window.  We're in the 2020's now, boy.  NO ONE KNOWS WHATS GONNA HAPPEN!  Sounds like fun, that's my opinion.  Also, the 20-teens have been one long snoozefest for me.  Got sick right before they started, and that lasted more or less the entirety depending on how sick you find me now.  But 2020's?  I got a whole decade to knock out of the park with some sanity, figuring out how to support myself, finding a niche socially, getting some sort of job, dating and/or starting a family... man this decade is gonna be OFF THE HOOK!
    That's how I feel.  Also, from what I've read, the next big Movie Super Hero Franchise is The Eternals.  So while the 2010's was the decade of The Avengers, the 2020's will be the decade of The Eternals.  Fine, just fine!  Whatever Franchise lets me eventually visit Disney World with my Wife and Kids, I'm on board with!  Disney is involved in that super hero nonsense, right?  Probably, that's my guess.  15th paragraph.  Figure I might as well start a new block of paragraphs with a new title after this paragraph.  Already Blown Through the 2 other potential titles for this block, so I gotta start at Zero all over again.  Also, I promise-- I will have as little interest in The Eternals Franchise as I did in The Avengers Franchise.  It's just a useful reference point in terms of this is what other people are unconsciously focused on... not me.. Screw The Eternals, it means nothing to me, itís just a reference point or some such thing!

 

Anyway, What Else Is Going On
   

  Figure I'll have the croissant in ~1.5-2.5 hours.  That's my estimation!  I dunno why I would ever imagine this to be worth saying, but I was tinking on my way home with the croissant, Hey wouldn't it be funny if I was like I got a croissant and when I asked for it I pronounced it CROW SAINT?  Nope, wouldn't have been funny!  Also, get off my website, you jerk from half an hour ago, who even remotely considered that'd be funny!  You're not welcome here no more!  It was an interesting experiment going without eating from 9:00 PM Tuesday to 2:00 PM Thursday.  Sorta realized, hey just because you kinda wanna eat doesn't mean you Have To eat.  Plus, I've always experienced feeling more hungry after I eat than before when I do eat, also.  Also, who knows who cares and its definitely not you and probably not me so that's a pretty good place to end the paragraph.
    Wonderful.  Hey what else is going on.  2010's were are like Robert Downey Jr IS KING OF THE SUPERHEROES!!  Whether we consciously thought of it, or not.  That's what it was culturally in the background.  Whose the king of the Eternals?  I can't wait to find out!  I realized I have one other memory of when I visited Disney World in 1997.  There was a nice pool within our Hotel-Within-DisneyWorld-Complex, which had a slide where you slide into the pool.  And I was in the slide with some kids from Texas (Did I know explicitly they were from Texas, or did I just assume it?  I forget) and one of them cut in front of me or something, and went, Whhaaaattt Areee Yooouuu Some Kind of Retardddddd?  I think.  That may have been in a movie.  But A 10 year old going Southerny Slow Drawn Out Phrase What Are You Some Kind of A Retard definitely happened somewhere either in my personal past or in a movie.  So that's good, right?
    Wonderful.  Not sure how he jumped to the conclusion I was a retard just from me waiting to slide into the pool.  Oh well, such is life.  Look was that in Forrest Gump?  Probably.  But did it also happen in my life?  I'm gonna say a solid 75% YES IT REALLY DID.  What else is going on.  Speaking of Swimming Pool Memories, I also have a vaguely-almost-traumatic memory of being in my neighborhood complex's swimming pool with my Mom, probably ~5-7 years old, and I fell underwater and I couldn't get back up and I thought I was gonna drown.  And my Mom must not have noticed cause I was like that for a while.  The point is My Mom and this 10 Year Old From Texas should just Get A Room AND LEAVE ME OUT OF IT fine call me a retard and don't care if I die YOU TWO DESERVE EACH OTHER!!!!   
   
That's life I guess, sure, why not.  19th paragraph!  I can't believe how relatively close its getting to the time I've allotted to allow myself to have the CrowSanteria.  Anyway.  Back in high school, I had 2 songs that I just knew the tunes of that I thought were gonna be GREAT big hit songs.  One of them, I actually figured out on guitar and wrote three verses-- that one was called I'll Push You Down The Stairs.  The other one, never got past the 6 or 8 lines of lyrics, which was called Fresh Like a Doctor.  And the lyrics to that one go, Fresh Like a doctor whose on TV/I Don't even know what it means to me/I don't expect you to understand/Fresh Doctor gonna lead us to the promised land.  PLUS Fresh like a doctor whose got some style/fresh doctor gonna lead us down the aisle.  And if you're interested in hearing I'll Push You Down The Stairs,  RIGHT HERE BUDDIES
 

https://michaelkornblum.bandcamp.com/track/down-the-stairs

      I remember singing both those tunes in the shower ~Junior Year in High School.  And those two things are what I subconsciously considered well obviously if I knew how to play guitar and sing well enough these will be breakthrough rock/pop hits.  Because I'm an idiot and was probably even more of an idiot back then!  Anyway.  Another lyric from way back then that I've been thinking about lately, not so much because its CompletelyStupidAsHell but because it actually represents a true feeling I have even still-- I believe in the law of averages/I go through crap to reap the benefits.  That's my life in a nutshell over the last 30.5 years.  Anyway, new block, comin' up!

 

I Wonder What Life W/O Drinking'll Be Like
   

  Probably EXACTLY THE SAME after the first 3 or 4 days without it.  That's my hypothesis.  21st paragraph.  The plan has always been to Still Be Writing when I eat that croissant.  So I got a long ways to go with this entry is the point.  (Only 1:58 right now)  Anyway, beyond Not Watching Good Shows/Movies Because You Don't Wanna Waste Them Because You're Not Really Gonna Be Paying Attention, there's the same phenomenon that's like This Movie Or TV Show Would Probably Be Better High/Drunk/On Some Kinda Drug so you don't wanna watch it yet in your current state.  A lot of Strategy that goes into your Entertainment Consuming Habits, I tell ya!  People think its straightforward, nope.  Lotta complications that you gotta be mindful of!  What else is going on.  Look, I rewatched All Of Duckman a few months ago completely sober, and that's a decision I'm gonna have to live with for the rest of my life.
   
Such is life!  Man, that was way back when I was taking Comedy Class.  And walking in a circle all day!!!  Whatta joy this year has been.  When I stopped walking in a circle all day, I also stopped doing 1000 sit ups and push ups each day.  Haven't done anany in the last few weeks.  Each day, I should probably do 1 set of 50 each, right, though, that, would, be, heal, thy?  I should take that into consideration and whatnot.  I like the teenage girl Climate Activist whose making a splash here and there.  What makes you so special, you think you're so great.  I'm trying get all of us together to fight climate change.  You think you're so great, don't you.  Please, we must address climate change.  Whatta big ego, pathetic.  Climate Change demands IMMEDIATE ATTENTION AND ACTION.  Where do you get off thinking you're better than me.
   
That's life and whatnot, I guess.  I COULDA BEEN THE FACE OF CLIMATE CHANGE ACTIVISM IF ONLY I MADE ANY SORT OF EFFORT BEFORE THIS GIRL DID.   HOW DARE 'EM AND WHATNOT.  The point is I was looking forward to having Chipotle for lunch, before I decided to Drink Today, so now I'm having a lighter lunch/post-lunch brunch, and looking forward to having my Chipotle for dinner instead, and ITS ALL ALRIGHT I'M 100% ON BOARD WITH HOW THINGS ARE TURNING OUT IN MY DIETARY DECISIONS FOR TODAY!  I think my favorite lyric from high school was, I wrote a song all about abortion, and one lyric goes, I will not let my daughter kill my grandchild/Because I got mad rhymes like Oscar Wilde!  Pretty hard to argue with that.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Anyway.  Gonna start a new paragraph in a bit.  Roughly one or two more sentences from now, to be exact.  That's how I feel.
    Great!  Croissant is in about an hour to an hour and a half!  THen take a walk and whatnot, see where that takes me.  What exactly were The Avengers avenging?  And why are The Eternals so confident they're gonna be Eternal?  And whatever bullshit gets us through the 2030's... Why?  Anyway, what else is going on.  24th paragraph.  Figure either 30, 35, or very remotely 40, or slightly less remotely a number that isn't divisible by 5... is the way... to... go.  Sure!  WONDERFUL GOTTA THINK OF MORE THINGS TO SAY.  I know human beings are supposed to be the smartest animals to ever appear on Planet Earth, but we're also the only animals who consciously and unapologetically destroyed Planet Earth to the extent it threatens our own ability to survive ourselves... so aren't we also kind of THE DUMBEST animals ever?  I mean, literally.  No other species has shot themselves in the foot the way we have!  We think we're the best and in actuality we're LITERALLY the DUMBEST.
    So we got that going for us!  At least we excel at something.  Smartest, dumbest... the point is we're The Tops @ Something One Way Or Another.  We still got a decade or two to regain our Smartest title.  Just fix it from here on!  Then we're back at the top.  What else is going on.  I heard one of the Koch brothers died.  Does that mean we'll just refer to the last one as The Koch Brother or or do we actually have to learn his name and just refer to him individually?  I'm a proponent of just referring to him from here on out as The Koch Brother.  Anyway, new five paragraph block comin' up in a bit.

 

Getting Close To Crow-Seance Time!
   

  I'm probably gonna stick with Fasting On Wednesdays, or at least trying to.  Seems like a good way to go with life.  The only negative thing is I still have a dozen new Conan o Brien Podcasts to listen to after the Jimmy Kimmel one and oh well such is life.  I dunno.  I think having a Surplus of Podcasts To Listen To is one of the most frustrating problems anyone can endure over the last decade.  Because it's like, there's no way it is necessary to catch up on these podcasts.  I shouldn't have been wasting my time in the first place on them.  But, also, there's a small part of you that feels well this is kind of an intimate medium, and I've already pot committed myself to engaging with this person/persons this long... but then the first part is like you will be losing NOTHING by quitting now and putting it out of your mind but then the second part is like these people are my EarFriends I owe it to them to see it through...
   
And so on and so forth.  The point is we should probably just outlaw podcasts completely.  Make an amendment to the constitution abolishing podcasts, that would fix America a little bit to some extent.  I had a friend in college who I used to smoke weed with, and he contacted me a couple of years ago like we should start a podcast and I was like well whats your idea and he was like well we get high and interview people and I was like are you sure you don't just want to get high and this is how you're justifying it in your head? and he never really responded and that was the end of that.  Makes sense to me!  What else is going on.  Looking forward to seeing It: Part II in a week.  Or, as Gramatically Response people call it, Them.  Multiple It's means THem, I checked the internet and everything, get off my back about it!
    Looking forward to them legalizing weed in NY, because I wanna try the kind of weed that is relaxing as opposed to stimulating, because I feel like there's a good chance it'll fit me just fine.  And will also make alcohol obsolete for me!  Ooops shouldn't have said that now Alcohol will fight the Legalization Movement because they know it ain't good for them!  What if we just let alcohol somehow profit from the legal marijuana business?  That's the real way to determine if it's ever gonna be legalized.  Whose gonna profit from it.  So we figure that out, then we're all good going forward!  I can't remember the last time I smoked marijuana that I hadn't found on the sidewalk.  I know the last time, and probably 2 or three times, I've smoked it's because I found a dime bag with a little bit left on the sidewalk.  Such is life!  I think I also smoked a hit at some point smoking a cigarette outside Open Mic and someone offered it to me.  Sounds like something that might have happened.
    29th paragraph!
  I don't believe it.  I'm not sure how to feel about Bill Hader being in It: Part II.  On the one hand, he's a funny guy.  On the other hand, should funny guys be allowed to be recognized as good actors?  I dunno, but I'm just here to open up a dialogue, maybe they are, maybe they aren't, let's talk about it.  Also, all those times Stefan shows up on Weekend Update, is it Real or is it An Act when he's about to break out into laughter?  Legitimate question I have!  I've always wondered it!  I mean, its real charming to imagine Man Bill Hader can't get through this without laughing, it must be MEGA FUNNY, but it also probably makes more sense yeah this is just him trying to sell this character even more.  Oh well, some things we're never meant to know!
    30th paragraph!  I don't believe it!  I feel like if I were ever a writer for SNL, I would probably be in the writing for Weekend Update team rather than writing a sketch team.  I might be able to punch up a sketch, but I probably couldn't come up with any myself.  What else is going on.  I also feel like if I were ever a writer for SNL, I would probably be like MISSION ACCOMPLISHED AND YOU ALL DOUBTED ME WHOSE LAUGHING NOW YOU JERKS I'VE WON TV LIFE.  Something along those lines, I dunno, whatever.  I saw Leslie Jones is leaving SNL.  That sucks.  Probably the most, "Charming," member of the cast of the last few years.  Sure Charming is a word I use all the time to desribe SNL things, get off my back about it!  Hah.  Just remembered how one of the Trump Kids called it, "S & L."  Doesn't get much better than that! 

 

AUGUST WILL NEVER END AS LONG AS I KEEP WRITING
   

  Sorry.  August wasn't even that great!  But I'm worried about what September will bring, so better just stick around August just to play it safe.  Elliott Smith also had a song called, "Taking a Fall."  So one song is about How to prepare for Autumn, and another song is This is how I've prepared for Autumn.  The point is I have a strange obsession with Elliott Smith and I see all of life through an Elliott Smith prism.  If I remember correctly, every SNL episode of the last season or 2 or 3, there's been a commercial for I think Exxon basically saying We can solve Climate Change by 2070! like that's something to aim for.  The point is SNL are huge sellouts to the Energy Industry.  Tsk tsk tsk.  What would John Belushi think?  I dunno I have never really been exposed to anything John Belushi did.  No movies, no sketches, no nothin'.  I don't even know if he was any good!  I have NO IDEA of anything regardin' John Belushi.
   
Sure TV Shows get to choose their commercials.  That's how TV works in my brain!  I dunno.  Croissant time is creepin' up on us, on all of us!  That's how My Life Works in my brain.  32nd paragraph.  Figure I might as well stretch myself thin enough to aim for 40 paragraphs.  And start CrowSanteria at the start of the 36-40 paragraph block.  Wonderful!  Is it a socially acceptable way to shave by Picking Out Your Facial Hairs One By One with your fingers?  Because it's Fun and Efficient and I Don't See Any Reason Not To Do It!  I like getting Brown Rice instead of White Rice from Chipotle & Other Places, because its like, yeah you won't taste Quite as good but from what I've read but I'm being Real Responsible and Dietary Adult by making this change.
   
Sure I guess anyway what else.  Three paragraphs to go until Post-Lunch-Brunch.  I can't wait!  Whats September gonna bring.  Not Into The Future Enough for The Eternals, not close enough to The Past for Stefan Laughin At His Own Nonsense... just a whole lot of Either We're Impeaching Trump or We're Just Gonna Let Trump's Crimes Go On Indefintely With No Oversight.  I can't wait to find out!  What else and whatnot.  The point is Either Way, I Get To Eat Croissants.  Maybe Trump has to face the Facer for his crimes, or Democrats decide yeah we're okay with this indefinitely.  But either way I'ma eat some Post-Lunch-Brunch!  OKAY HERE'S MY PITCH... what if, like, there's a sketch where, ummm, someone playing Trump, and he has to face the facer... or... that's all I got so far.
   
Anyway, what else.  I dunno.  SNL has a unique role in shaping the intersection between popular culture and political thought week-to-week.  I blame Tina Fey for portraying Sarah Palin. Sarah Pale In Comparision To Donald Trump 'S All Other Republicans.  Cracked that code.  I'm gonna finish this entry after the next paragraph.  Might as well.  Jeez.  Next entry'll be in September.  Who knows what that's gonna be like!  All I've known for the last 31 days is August.  September, I'm not even gonna try to figure out until tomorrow!  Gonna take walk 3 of 4 after this entry is over.  Be finishing crew say not right around that time, too.  I can't wait!  Because the current is Worth Nothing.  So waiting would be a real snooze!
    Cool. Man I get to take that walk, wipe the slate clean, eat some Chipotle 2 or 3 hours after I get back, all gonna work out nicely, believe you me.  Cool!  How much of an Authority Figure is Lorne Michaels when it comes to SNL.  Is it more like okay you guys figure it out I'm just here as a background figure or is it like I'm gonna give the say-so on anything and everything that happens.  I gotta know-- in case SNL calls me up-- which will possibly happen-- because I have a website where I write comedy and everything.  Jeez.  Walk and walk I'ma walk and walk real soon.  I guess the entry is more or less over.  Figure I'll eat a breadstick, take a walk, then re-assess my entire situation after that!  I'll see ya'll later you jerks.

-3:36 P.M.


 

 

 

Friday, August 30, 2019

It's That Time Again!
   

  It being, "That Time Again," sure sounds a lot like time travel.  How else can you explain it being a certain time... again?!  Anyway, if Crazysheet ever made a Time Travel Movie that's going into the Potential Titles Pile.  Hmm, not a bad idea for an individual unique notebook.  All Titles, All The Time!  And if I ever write something in it that's not a title, I MAKE IT be a title.  Could be two paragraphs about whatever, well, now it's just a really long title!  Thems the breaks!  And All Tiles, All The Time! can be the Title of the notebook.  Hey, I never committed myself to Good titles.  Any piece of crap that is the first thing I think about is Good Enough For Me Titles.
   
I guess, all that's great, wonderful, real worthwhile paragraph that was.  Anyway, wacky week I just had!  Sleep Study was Tuesday Night.  It was nice because my house is like The Shining, so getting to sleep somewhere else where people were watching me on Camera and had me hooked up to things watching my physiologically... I felt like under Less Surveillance!  For that to make sense you have to remember the beginning of that sentence-- it was a long time before the end of the sentence-- that my house is Haunted.  Feels like ghosts are watching me and whatnot.  So, in a new environment, even with the actual tangible knowledge that I'm actually being watched by real people, it was easier me to fall asleep because, relatively, I was getting some alone time.  I like this paragraph because I just said the exact same thing twice.  That's how Explaining Stuff Through Writing works!  You write a first draft of what you want to say first-- then, decide it's convoluted and hard to make sense of-- then, leave that sentence, call attention to its ambiguity and incoherentness, and just try again!
   
I guess, sounds good to me.  So, yeah I haven't had a drop of alcohol since Monday Morning.  Or was it Tuesday Morning.  The point was it was a Morning and that's Narrowed Down Enough For Me!  Anyway, then Wednesday I was fasting.  Went pretty good!  Think I'm gonna try to do that every week!  No Eatin' on Wednesday!  Not only was I successful at it, but I was lucky that it ended up on a Wednesday, because I realized, man Wednesday is THE PERFECT DAY to not eat.  For many reasons I... WILL get into right now!  Okay reason #1-- get supermarket on Tuesday.  I get one day of enjoying the fruits of my shopping labor, then take a break!  This prevents me from overbuying snacks and shit I don't need  #2-- Exact middle of the week!  Interesting, very interesting...  #3-- day after fasting is Thursday, which is the start of The Unemployed' Weekend, which means it's time to drink to reward myself for not eating!
    Also, great, just great.  Anyway, oh, shit I have the colonoscopy on Thursday and I had 5 freaking polyps!  I have more polyps than all of you combined!!!  But the good news is Doctor was like 99.99% they weren't cancerous and I got 'em all and also IF IT WERE UP TO THOSE FOUR GREEN PEOPLE IN CONGRESS YOU WOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO EAT MEAT BUT I'M TELLING YOU YOU CAN.  True story!  He Went There!  More or less verbatim.  Cause I was like well should I adjust my diet, is red meat okay?  And that's what prompted his melt down and after 30 more minutes of ranting he had to be carried away crying and lashing out against the.. mental-health-bringing-people-to-crazy-house-paramedic-type-people.  Anyway, what else is going on.  I feel like I've encountered a fair amount Doctors from Long Island (50-75% of doctors I see are right over the border of Queens into Long Island) who feel compelled to talk about their conservative political beliefs. Just real straightforward like, nonsequitors and stuff.  I don't know if they think well obviously everyone is on the same page as me and agrees with what I'm saying or they see me and are like this guy's probably liberal but by saying there are Green People in Congress trying to take away my meat, and just saying it matter-of-factly, maybe I can change his mind!  After all, he's sick in the head, I know because I see all the medication he's on.  Probably Real Easy to trick him into believing my nonsense!
   
Anyway, what else is going on.  I specified From Long Island because it's like Queens, but more wealthy.  And specifically right around the border, the difference is, my neighborhood and surrounding ones, on the Queens side of the border, are more upper middle middle class, while right over the border, they're lower upper middle class.  Makes sense to me.  And the further out you go presumably the wealthier they get.  That's my Hot Take on demographics and whatnot.  Oh, hey, fifth paragraph and whatnot.  Dunno if I'm gonna drink today.  I'm gonna stick by not drinking at all in September, and I figure I'll try to drink only one day between today and tomorrow.  We'll see how it all shakes out, gang!  Anyway, I can't quite put these thoughts into words yet, but I was thinking about the supposed phenomenon of Virtue Signaling like it's a Right Wing attack on people showing support or something for something good which I guess implicitly shares positive traits of themselves for... uh... tis that a close enough explanation? 
    Anyway, then I thought about Right Wing people who are all about Victim Signaling.  Everyone's working against them. White Nationalists are like we're the ones being discriminated againstMeghan McCain on The View was like, about that kid who Harvard rescinded their offer to after they discovered is offensive tweets, is like We all know Ivy League Colleges and all colleges in general are discriminating against those with right wing beliefs, so thatís one aspect of this story...  Donald Trump is like the press and media are rigged against me!  ANYWAY the point is this would be an interesting discussion if it made 90% more sense and I had more than 5 minutes to think it through.  Maybe I'll consider it more at a later date, I dunno!  Just something about thinking about Virtue Signaling vs. Victim Signaling.  Here, this makes more sense-- Essentially, it's trying to relate to other people either by signaling that you share the same virtues, or, trying to relate to other people by signaling you share the same victimhoods.  Maybe not necessarily a Left/Right Wing ting, but political beliefs and intentions-behind-the-comment are probably relevant when it presents itself.  I wish I knew how to make sense.  Probably step one to Making Sense To Others if Making Sense To Self.  And It makes sense to me that There's Something Insightful Deep Down In My Stupidity but I haven't cracked the code yet of What It Is.  Alright gonna take a break.....

    NOPE NO BREAK.  ALTERNATIVELY-- GONNA DRINK A BEER!  I love it!  I dunno if its still a slogan for McDonalds, but they used to have I'm Lovin' It! as a slogan.  And I wanna be like, well, hamburgers are okay, pretty good, but I wanna Just Be Friends.  I dunno stupid stuff like that.  Also they used to have a Super Size! sized French Fries that was apparently so unhealthy they were FORCED TO STOP DOING THAT!  Think of how bad it has to be for the government to actually get involved and saying, jesus christ, we can look the other way on most of your malnutrition-encouraging-enterprise but you gotta stop this super sized crap, people are dying.  What What else.  Oh, get the beer!  Wonderful.  I realized why the last month or two I like drinking in the early part of the day.  Because it's like hey we're SKIPPING RIGHT PAST the morning and early afternoon!  I'ma be in an altered state for at least the first half of the day, all that morning and afternoon is just gonna float by with me DrunkEnough, so itís like getting all that crap out of the way without it being redundant crap, and so the day is almost over already before its even started!
    Makes sense to me!  I'm on board with VictimSignaling.  Hey guys I'm a victim just like you guys!  Let's form some sort of Team, but not call ourselves The Team, that's already taken by a More Better Team.  But everyone who considers themselves a victim of circumstances should be on the same team.  Finally, a way to unite our country!  We're All Victims Of Something Or The Other!  Makes sense to me.  The only problem is that half of us are gonna be like We're The Victims OF YOU and the other half is like No Way We're The Victims OF YOU!  Such is life.  Great, just great.  That's a real sustainable course for our country to go on.  I blame the media, politicians, and also the general idleness, relative indifference, and overall apathy among Everyone Else.  Alright!  I've earned that beer, I think, thatís how I feel.  And I don't mean to suggest well the way to solve that problem is to split it in the middle and get everyone on board with everything the same way.  I do mean to suggest that I've Got All The Solutions, ME!, I just haven't made sense of them yet, get back to me, I'll Save The Day, Sure.
   
Anyway it's That Beer Time.  Maybe get everyone on board with VirtueSignaling.  Instead of relating to one another by escalating Victimhood, lets relate to one another by escalating Virtue-ed-ness!  Nobel Prize plz.  Ninth paragraph!  Look at this jerk, talking about current macro-societal problems like he cares about people and things, whatta VirtueSignaling.  He should be like me and think EverythingsRiggedAgainstMeSoThere'sNoPointInBeingVirtuess even though I'm actually doin' a lot better than other people where ThingsAreActuallyRiggedAgainstThemMoreACCORDINGTOSOME.   I have no idea what I'm talking about anymore.  Anyway, analyzing Virtue and Victim Signaling is pretty much the direct antithesis to good natured, light hearted, relatable comedynonsense.   So NO MORE TALKING ABOUT IT!  SEE, I'M A VICTIM, BECAUSE I STARTED TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING, THEN GOT BORED OF IT, AND NOW LOOK AT ME, SUCHA SCAM THAT ISN'T MY FAULT AT ALL.
    Here we go with the rest of the entry.  I achieved something with Cold Brew Iced Coffee today that, until today, I had never accomplished.  I got the cold brew with No Water.  Drank some on the way home.  Filled it back up with Water when I got home!  SUCCESS!  I get to drink the same amount of cold brew w/ water BUT ALSO got a little bit of Just Cold Brew W/o water FOR FREE IN A WAY.  IM VIRTUE SIGNALLING THAT I'M A COFFEECONSUMERINNOVATOR!!! Not sure that's what virtue signaling is, but it is a virtue, and I am signaling it!  Anyway I sure wish I still have Spell Check, but what can ya do.  Oh, when I'm done, copy and paste to word, fix spellings, copy and paste back.  Man I'm just full of great ideas this paragraph!

 

Very Experienced With Titles
   

  When the Mets hit a homerun they're virtue signaling.  When they strike out they're victim signaling.  Alright, that was the inevitable outcome of this discussion-- complete breakdown of Meaning Anything.  Things are just nonsense again, as they should be.  Pretty sure that's a pretty good Overarching Theme to writing which I can take.  Start Out At Nonsense, Somehow Get You Somewhere Else, and by the end, We're All Back To Nonsense.  What else is going on.  Here's a completely uninteresting matter of semantics I went through yesterday-- I was talking to my Dad about what to expect with the colonoscopy.  And it's like, an anesthesiologist gives ya some drugs, you wake up later not remembering a thing.  So I was like yeah so you're completely unconscious for the procedure. And he's like no you're not unconscious, you just don't really realize what's going on.  ANd I was like, well, no, I've done similar anesthesiologist things before, it's like you fall unconscious after 10 seconds of being given the thing, then you immediately wake up when its done.  And he's like yeah thatís it.  So I'm like well that's being unconscious.  And he's like no I think unconscious is something else.
   
HAHAHA figured out a way to get back to nonsense.  BORING YOU INTO SUBMISSION!  So we can finally move on.  Anyway, jeez, 11th paragraph.  One thing that's a positive step forward with Diet is having a smaller breakfast.  Instead of having a 350-450 calorie breakfast, I'm down to 200!  YEAH!  AND YOU ALL DOUBTED ME... IN TERMS OF... The Size Of My Breakfasts... ... ...YEAH!  I dunno, pretty early still.  Plan is to hopefully get the TV, that I've been waiting for for 1.67 years, within a month, so I can watch All The Great New Seasons of Fall TV Shows!  Figure after near 5 months without a TV, and going through a phase where I'm like I'm a lot happier without a TV at all, I should stick to Livin' Without TV, I'm back to being like ya TV is pretty good I'm on board with getting Back On TV.  Cool!  What else is going on.  Anyway I ended up not making the cut for that Audition Show at Carolineís, but I have been considering going to some open mics and trying out the same routine I did way back when during that Culminating Class Show.  Seems like a Thing To Do, right?
    Right!  What else is Right?  Or even wrong.  I'm fine with talking about stuff thats wrong.  Radiohead has a song called 2 + 2 = 5.  NOPE YOU'RE WAY OFF BY ONE NUMBER!  I can't believe that title made its way to the album without one person smart enough to fact check and be like wait a second THAT'S INCORRECT!  Seems like a real egregious and superfluous oversight, right?  That Open Mic I went to a bunch for music in 2017/2018 is starting up again in a new venue soon, that would be a good place to try doing comedy.  But it's in a very inconvenient place for me to get To and From, so I dunno!  We'll see how that goes.  Probably.  Gotta see how something goes, might as well be that.  Finally recorded a decent demo of the Musicness SongThing that's been unconsciously in my brain for the last 2 or 3 months.  And ya know what?  I wasted 2 or 3 months being unconsciously focused on this crap?  NEXT!
    Cool, just cool!  I dunno.  Subway has a new promotion where you can get Subway Sliders which are smaller and less calories but there's no way to find out exactly how big they are and thus whether they're worth getting or not!  Check Minus Minus for Subway's Promotional Department!  Hey it's 10:01 AM that's a pretty good time to estimate it is right now because computer says it's correct.  And computer is much more reliable than Radiohead when it comes to numbers and calculations!  I think Radiohead used to scare to me some degree.  Certain song titles, at least.  Combined with the relative inaccessability with some of its music.  Same with Guided By Voices, similar thing.  Hmm what other bands scare me.  Well, there's The Frights.  That's probably a band, right?  If not-- pretty good name for one!  There's The Scaredoms-- another good fake band name.  There's Haunted House, not a bad name right there.  Spooky Ghosts.  I'm gonna stop now.
   
What else is going on.  I am pretty sure I've seen The Frights somewhere before.  But Haunted House, as far as I know, is available.  So the point is Let's Start a band called Haunted House.  Or not, whatever, I'm not here to tell ya what to do.  What paragraph we into.  15!  Not only have I written a lot of entries lately, but they've been pretty long!  Anyway can't just let this entry devolve into Saying How Far Along In The Entry I Am And Assorted Nonsense.  Gotta make jokes!  Someone, help me think of some jokes!  Is There No One To Help Me Think Of Jokes?!?!
 

Hi, It's Mike
   

  Yeah!  16th paragraphizzle.  Lots of "Decisions, Decisions," to make for lunch today.  Got one smallish Sweet Potato left over from last night-- will I work it into lunch today or just get rid of it?  That's the most pressing decision to make, but after that's been settled, thereís still the question of well, with it or without it, what direction do I go in for The Rest Of The Lunch.  Whatta life.  I mean, it stands to reason, the most Responsible and Adult thing to do is Have That Smallish Sweet Potato.  Food doesn't grow on trees!  Well, some of it does, but Not Sweet Potatoes!  So one idea is pair that with a Subway Sandwich.  Another idea, pair it with a slice of pizzeria pizza.  Best two options I have.  Probably gonna end up being one of those two things.
    I'm glad I've included you on this journey of mine.
  If you get pizza from a pizzeria, do you get Santa from Santeria?  Either the song or the cult/religious practice.  Preferably the cult/religious practice because Santa is a cult/religious thing, so it kinda makes sense a little bit that if you practice Santeria, somehow you're gonna conjure up Santa or something.  Just like you'd get pizza from a pizzeria!  Makes sense to me.  I remember when I was a kid being able to play the solo in Santeria was the thing.  I'm mostly basing this on the one kid I knew who played guitar and ONCE was like I learned how to play that solo its pretty good.  And that always stuck with me because it's the most I've ever talked about music with someone ever.
    I dunno.  I was never good at playing solos.  Still amn't!  What else is going on.  I might be confusing Santeria with Buddy Holly.  Or they're Both Correct In This Context.  Oh well, what can ya do.  Anyway, I'm about 75% done with the One Can Of Beer and it would be a Real Cool Thing To Do to not drink anymore today!  Then I can justify drinking a bit more tomorrow!  But if I get to 2 drinks or more today, that's Drinking Today.  Just one is a momentary lapse in self control that we can look beyond.  Eh maybe Just A Second Beer.  Eh maybe IT's MY LIFE GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  The point is I got tired of them never having Wintergreen Trident Gum wherever I go, so at Supermarket, I got a 3-pack pack of Eclipse: Polar Ice gum, and its pretty good!  It's just a shame in 50 years The Gum will have dissolved and flooded all of our coastal cities.
    I like how they spend so much time on cable news covering individual hurricanes yet spend 0% of time covering what's causing the increased frequency and severity of them (Spoiler Alert-- it's Human-Caused-Global-Warming).  I mean, at this point, even if nothing gets done, many media outlets have started to pair coverage of Mass Shootings with talking about Gun Control.  Nothin's gettin' done, but at least it's part of the discussion (well, some places).  It would stand to reason that when Climate Things Go Wrong they'd talk about Climate Change, right?  Simliar thing in my opinion.
    I like how I use the phrase I Like... when it's actually somethig I don't like but want to call attention to the thing and for some reason itís natural for me to introduce the New Thing I'm Talking About by saying I Like That or Like How... and so on and so forth.  What paragraph we up to now.  Some sort of 20th paragraph or something, I dunno, whatever.  Cool!  Figure this'll keep going and going until I decide it's time to take my pre-lunch walk!  If Waiting For Pizza was no longer than 1 or 2 minutes, the same amount of time it takes for Arranging A Subway Sandwich, that would make Getting The Pizza a lot More Attractive.  But waiting for pizza takes a little bit longer, especially the way I like it!  Eggplant?  Ya know that'll take longer.  Sicilian?  That's gonna take longer!  Whatta scam is the point.

 

Titles Are Sometimes Okay
   

  Sounds about right.  Just moved my computer!  Was on a desk facing North.  Now on a desk facing South!  Ya wanna be a good writer, ya gotta mix things up, that's what I've been led to believe.  Dunno who led me there or why.  But the point is I Was Led To Believe Things By Some Sort of Non-Existent-Mentor-Figure and I owe all of my Nonsense Success to this FriendlyGhostLikeEntity Who Tells Me Things!  What else is going on and crap.  Anyway, can't wait to get into a new routine without any alcohol.  My routine for a month or two has culminated into today being...

-Get up
-Look forward to lunch
-Eat breakfast
-Play in poker freeroll for 5 minutes just going all in over and over until I lose
-take a walk
-look forward to lunch
-lie in bed, crap on Netflix/Hulu, see whats new on Twitter
-look forward to lunch
-start entry, have a drink
-start drinking dri--
-look forward to lunch
-nk.  Contnue drinki--
-look forward to lunch

  And that brings us up to Right Now!  Also, while writing this entry w/ drinking medium amount of beer w/ looking forward to lunch, I was also doing a Late Morning Version of Poker Freeroll for 5 minutes just going all in over and over until I lose, But I Kept Winning, so now I reached a point where I just minimize that table and hope I sneak into The Winning Threshold just by virtue of what I already have!  That's life for ya!  You reach a certain point of wealth that you can count of reaching The Winning Threshold by just having your already existent money getting you there!  Also, Threshold, kind of a weird word.  Thresh?  Not sure what that means.  And combining it with Hold?  Not 100% on board with that, either!  Oh well such is life.  I was just googling it, and I was like I always imagined it as being Thresh-HOLD, but itís actually Thresh-OLD... ... .... ... Is this entry over yet?
   
Nope!  Speaking of The Shining a few entries ago, I remember talking about how I didn't like the term Shining to refer to psychic-type stuff, but I don't remember if I touched this part that I don't like-- I don't like how Tony lived in Danny's mouth.  Of all the places an imaginary friend/entity-type-thing can take root in your body, why would they pick the mouth?  You open it all the time, food goes in there, seems really unsafe for an imaginary friend to live.  No, ya wanna live somewhere where you're less exposed to the elements, you're in the mouth, you're constantly in danger and also what else is going on.  Hmm.  What kinda movies can I watch today on Hulu or Netflix or MaybeEvenMyDVDsAreWorkingAgain.  Last 30 minutes I fell into a funk of damnit I know this is boring nonsense but oh well what can I do.  Now I just reached a point of consciousness where I'm like Hey I CAN GET THIS BACK ON COURSE!  JUST GIMME A CHANCE!!
   
I owe it all to Tony.  Here's a Stupid Thing I've Figured out-- Heatmiser's (Elliott Smith's band before he became a solo artist) Second Album, Cop & Speeder, has a song called Antonio Carlos Jobim, and a song called Collect to NYC.  Antonio, tony...... Collect to NYC... COLLECT TONY C!!!!!  OH NO THERE'S A GHOST EVERYONE GET OUT OF THE WAY.  I hate to admit it but a good 20% of my free time is thinking of things Exactly Like That.  And the WOworst part about the truth is that 90% of the 20% of my life where I'm thinking of stuff like that is just re-thinking the stuff like that I've already thought before!  Not breaking any new ground!  I'll just re-think the same nonsense over and over and over.  Presumably because I never listen to any new music and thus have no New Stuff To Think About Weirldy.  Gotta figure out a way to listen to new music!

 

Whose Got The Time
   

  That's a real passive aggressive way to ask a group of people what time it is.  Instead of going up to one person with a Watch, and go have you got the time? you just say it into the ether, talking to everybody and nobody at the same time, and hope someone volunteers themselves to help you out even though you've shown them no respect and have given them no reason to want to help you.  I dunno, something like that.  You know what would make me happy?  Figuring out a Post-Lunch Strategy for the day.  Cause, the way things are, I'm on the path of just drinking/writing until I wanna take a walk and get lunch, then eating lunch, and being Blank As Hell and deciding to drink more.  Nowís the time to figure out a responsible way for the day to continue that's both responsible and pleasurable.  So-- think of a movie I can watch.  Maybe try out DVDs RIGHT NOW to see what possibilities are out there!  But whose got the time.
   
Me!  10:50 AM.  That settles that.  The point is five polyps that ain't good.  Moving my laptop to this New Surface was a good step, though, because this is the surface I have it on if I wanna watch something.  Cause it's opposite my bed-- the place where I reside-- when I wanna watch stuff.  So basically I got myself halfway there already!  I'm proud of myself.  Ah, that's some good Signaling Virtue To Myself.  However, I'm also a Victim... of Lack of Self Control both in terms of Drinking and Allowing Myself to Write and Share Bullshit.  The point is I'm a victim of conceding virtue and my virtue is conceding victimhood.  Huh, how about that.  Probably about a 15,25% chance that made a little sense!  Cool!  27th paragraph.  Figure aim for either 30 or 35.
    Gotta aim for something!  That's what I say to Virtual Introverts in the early 2000's.  Get to talkin' to them friends on AOL Instant Messenger.  AOL Instant Messenger being called AIM is weird because it's an acronym within an acronym.  Really should be AOLIM.  My favorite part of Middle School was getting invited to group chats and the message pops up on your screen to participate in the group chat and you go well looks like my presence has been requested at some sort of digital party with like minded people, I would be a fool to pass this opportunity up!  Something along those lines, I dunno.  I also found interesting the phenomenon of, there's a group chat, then someone invites someone who most people don't really want in the chat, so everyone is like alright I'm gonna go and everyone leaves, but they really start A SECOND chat which the person who Most People Didn't Want In the Original Chat is now unaware of and not participating in.  I don't like this phenomenon.  Seems like kind of cruel.  But definitely something to find interesting!
    Letís do it to it.  Definitely leaning towards pizza for lunch, just one slice, pair with that sweet potato.  I think I Santeriaís myself into getting pizza.  I'm under the impression Santeria is some sort of voodoo or something, casting spells or something.  So I cast a Pizza Spell on myself inadvertently and now I have no control over my lunch and must get pizza one way or another.  I like the first line in Santeria when he's like I don't practice Santeria... which I interpret to mean I know this song of mine so well that I don't need to practice it, I just do it.  I don't Practice [Playing This Song]... Anyway what else is going on.  One thing I don't like about being aware that carbs are bad for you/lots of (and wasted) calories is that itís limited the amount of garlic bread I've eaten.  Garlic Knots, and whatnot, too.  I used to love that stuff!  I can't get enough of garlic knots.  LEMME AT SOME GARLIC KNOTS RIGHT NOW, OH BOY.
    Huh.  That ain't good.  I think it's a figure of speech in England to say you could Murder something you would like to consume.  In About a Boy, the mother is like, to the son, I bet you could Murder a Big Mac.  And then in Yesterday: The Major Motion Picture, the main character or someone talking to the main character is like I could murder a cigarette.  The point is Brits are obsessed with homicide, most likely due to some residual trauma from Jack The Ripper, and we all gotta be careful around these, "People."  Whaaaaaaa?  Okay.  It's funny to imply British People aren't People because they obviously are because They're White Like Us And Also Where We Came From Geographically so it's taken in stride that itís not offensive which in turn actually implies that part of me wishes it wasn't insensitive to call Other People Not People and Now I'm A Victim Of Circumstance Because I've Called Into Question My Own Motives Which Now Appear Vaguely Racist But Also I Am Virtuous For Taking The Next Step And Realizing I Was Making A JokeThing Vaguely Based In Racism.  Also, that brings me to this observation that I wasn't able to put into words earlier-- Virtue Signaling and Victim Signaling very often are related to talking about race/all other kinds identity.  Think about it!  Hey, that's insightful.  People accusing you of virtue signaling are actually saying you're wrong for trying to relate to people, presumably often with other identities-- stay in your lane!  Cracked That Code.  I dunno, what else is going on.

 

Sure I'm An Insightful I Find Myself Insightful Isn't That Enough?
   

  Probably.  Makes me happy!  I am virtuous in being amusingly absurd.  I am a victim of being unfortunately absurd.  Sounds about fair, they cancel each other out, that's a Net Zero proposition which I feel comfortable with.  Five paragraphs to go!  Unfortunately, feel like I'm on track to continue drinking after lunch.  Ya win some, ya lose some.  Ya think you can limit yourself to 1 or 2 drinks, and ya find out ya can't?  Yeah, I lost some, but I live to fight another day.  Assuming I don't die of alcohol poisoning.  Which I probably won't, that's my assumption.  What else is going on.  And I can still just Not Drink Tomorrow.  The plan all along was to drink once more this month.  So it became today instead of tomorrow!  Today being Friday.  Which makes sense because I just inadvertently quoted dialogue from it.
    Also, I was watching a Friday The 13th and there's one of those suckers in two weeks!  AHHH GET OUT OF THE WAY GHOSTS!!!!  Anyway this'll be the last block of paragraphs almost definitely.  Been giving some serious thought about what title to lend to the entire month of September.  Gotta few ideas at this point but nothing I'm committed to.  Also, didn't even occur to be until just now, but man I can switch up the color scheme, too.  Go to Black Font on White Background, or even experiment with something else!  The point is variety is the spice of life and Spice used to be a Pay Per View Cable Channel with pornography back in the day.  Hey, how about that, wonderful. 
    33rd paragraph!  I remember I always felt bad watching The Shining for the guy who had The Shining who Danny called on with Shininging to help save the day and he shows up only to be immediately killed by Jack Nicholson.  And I always was like well that didn't go anywhere, kinda failed in his mission.  But then realized oh the cartruckting they used to get away came from the one he used to get there.  So he did help a little bit, which made me feel a bit better.  Cause for a while, I was just like, wow all that effort for nothin'.  Whatta waste.  But knowing he helped out somehow makes me feel good.  Also I decided to go with a new Fan Theory about the ending of The Shining, when it zooms in on the picture from 50 years before and Jack Nicholson is there.  Instead of The Shining Happening and him getting inserted into the past thusly, what if, HE WAS ACTUALLY ALWAYS THERE IN THE PAST ORIGINALLY AND THE NEW JACK NICHELSON FROM THE THEN-CURRENT-TIME WAS ALREADY A GHOST WHEN HE CAME THERE WITH HIS FAMILY?!?!?
    What if.  WHAT IF.  I dunno.  I'm gonna wrap it up here, actually.  See you folks most likely next month!  Plzesace.

-11:32 A.M.
 

 

Monday, August 26, 2019

These Titles... They Just Come To You?
   

  You know it!  No, I don't, that's why asked.  You know it now!  OK thanks for clearing that up.  I get a great deal of satisfaction and self-pride by including the comma in that phrase, "No, I don't..."  A lotta ppl wood juss B like, "No I don't..." and theid bee rong!  That's great, just great, now letís get into Actually Writing An Entry mode.  Ya'll heard of Open Faced Sandwiches?  It's like a sandwich but with 1/2 the bread.  I can't recommend this enough!  Really!  I've signed papers to prevent me from doing so!  I don't know why I agreed to it, there was so much small print boiler plate that I didn't even realize I was signing my rights away from recommending Open Faced Sandwiches beyond a certain point!  And I'm gonna have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life!
    Such is life.  Anyway, just went to the bank.  You know what that's like, right?  Banks Be Like, hey this is a big sterile environment room so you KNOW your moneyís safe.  Look at all the space inside the bank, with so few people!  I trust 'em, I don't know why.  I remember back when I was in college First Time Around I had a monthly allowance of I think 500 dollars.  And I'd essentially go to a Bank Machine every 2 weeks to withdraw 200, 250 dollars.  FASCINATING.  TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW MONEY WORKS!!  Well, you use it in exchange for goods or services!  Also, you get it from providing goods or services to an outside entity!  For more information, consult your local Bank.  OH NO DON'T DO THAT THEY'LL TRY TO SCAM YA, THEY CAN'T BE TRUSTED TO TEACH YOU ABOUT MONEY IN A NON-BIASED WAY!  Better consult your local Counterfeit Money Operation.  They know the deal!  I dunno.
    Such is life.
  Anyway, what the what.  The point is I'm Gonna Get Pizza For Supper and there's not much you can do about it.  My mind's made up now!  Get on board or ship out, as they say.  Finished watching Rosemary's Baby yesterday.  Honest Question (which I may have posed several years ago Here, seems like something I'd pose)-- would evangelical/catholic crazies be okay with aborting the anti-Christ?  Or, ow about this-- would they be okay with aborting someone of color who may one day grow up to someone who sells loose cigarettes to his community?  Or who might drive a car legally and is thus threatening the police?  Or, let's say they're threatening their neighbor by playing their music too loud in their garage.  I mean, obviously itís okay to kill these people after they're born and have committed these outrageous crimes, so you'd think we might as well just have mass PRE-infanticide for people like that, right?  Cut out the middle man!
    Such is... life... aww.  I can't tell if that's offensive, cogent, pointless, amusing, worthwhile, relevant, vaguely insensitive, etc...  Hey, I'm here to open up a dialogue.  Any rant that gets people thinking, that's what I'm here for!  What are we supposed to be thinking, exactly?  I CANT TELL YOU THAT'S THE POINT.  THINK OF A WAY TO THINK ABOUT IT BY THINKING ON IT YOURSELF!  WHITE EVANGELICAL LADY OBSERVING BIRTH-- OH MY WHAT A WONDERFUL GIFT FROM GOD THIS IS BEATIF-- oh... ummm.. great.  ... HES THREATENING ME JUST LOOK AT HIM CRYING KILL 'EM KILL 'EM NOW!!! I dunno, someting like that.  Figure I'll eat lunch in about an hour and a half.  No one can stop me.  Not you, not racist white evangelical lady, not nobody!  When did White Identity become a thing.  I mean, obviously before there was any interaction with people of color, in Europe for example, there was no one going around thinking well I'm white.  Cause that's what everyone was!  Then, let's fast forward to America, 17th, 18th century-- slaves' defining characteristiic isn't necessarily that they look different, it's more that, in the thought of that day, they are different.  Not fully human.  So, still, no white person is going around thinking oh well I'm white compared to them.  No-- they're just thinking oh well I'm human compared to them.
   
So when did this thinking of you're white-- which is obviously a direct reaction to thinking of other people in society as NOT white-- when did it start to take hold?  I'd consult a historian, or my local bank, or my local counterfeit money operation, but whose got the time.  I'd read the 1619 Project* but I'm not 100% on board with using that number as the year they picked.  But that's the real number.  It's history.  Yeah I Know I'm Just Saying another number might be more attractive.  Let's say, I dunno, 1616.  People would be intrigued by that number!  How about 1776.  PPL be like oh shit I know that year from somewhere!  How about 1945.  OH SHIT THAT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO MY GREATGRANDPAPS WAS IN WORLD WAR TWO LETS TALK ABOUT IT.

 

*By which I mean, I Would Reed, not I had red -- so sorry 4 confusion! 

This Title Is Gonna Take Me Places!
   

  Like, to the beginning of the next block of paragraphs, to be exact!  I don't believe it, yet here we are!  I think it's kind of weird how there seems to be a statistically significant correlation between people with mental disabilities and people with physical disabilities.  Like, you see a guy with a cane, fine.  Then you see him talkin' kind of funny.  You're gonna be like, oh, that makes sense, I can put two and two together now.  But WHY?  I mean sure obviously they're physiologically linked cause I AM pretty sure there is a preponderance of these cases But WHY?!  Also, there was a period of about a month where my Dad had to use a cane because he was recovering from Hip Surgery, and I got to carry it around a lot from here to there when I was help him, and man what a great prop.  Great affectation to have.  Look at me, I've got a cane!  I can point it at you, I can lean on it, I can twirl it, So Much To Be Done, So Little Time!
   
Hey how about that.  Can't eat at all on Wednesday to prepare for Colonoscopy on Thursday.  Great!  It's like invoulentarily trying out the Jimmy Kimmel Diet!  I have to do it, and maybe I'll find it's not too difficult, then I can keep doin' it!  Anyway, for lunch today, I've got anywhere from 25% to 50% of a Duck Dinner.  We're talkin' some duck, stuffing, matzo ball soup, baked potato, broccoli-- to varying degrees left over and to varying degrees I Will Have.  Stuffing, for example-- may forgo that completely for today!  I dunno.  For some reason, when I get duck, I feel like oh now I'm livin' this is as extravagant as it gets.  I get really decent cuts of steak, expensive seafood, stuff like that relatively often.  Stuff that's more expensive than duck.  But, for duck, I'm always like man NOW I'm livin'!
    I saw there was a Meme of a Discussion recently about Chick Fil-a's chicken sandwich, which, I think they're missing the point of Chick Fil-a.  Yeah, the chicken sandwich is good and iconic, but the Waffle Fries, won't someone think of the Waffle Fries!! You can't get them there nowhere else no way no how.  I dunno-- I'm just virtue signaling that I've had Chick Fil-a.  Alright!  What else is going on.  I hope he doesn't mind me saying this, but I remember in middle school and high school, the conceit was my Brother's favorite food and, thus, thing, was the Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy's.  And I agree, it was really great!  But that was His Thing, ya know?  Now he's vegetarian.  There goes that.  Who will support Spicy Chicken Sandwiches Now?  ME ILL DO IT!  JUST DON'T PUT ANY MAYO ON IT YOU PSYCHOS!
   
Great, just great.  I think Ducks are one of the most misunderstood animals.  Lots of connotations associated with ducks, and a lot of them are contradictory or at least not related.  First thing that comes to mind, kind of a pathetic animal.  Quack Quack.  Yeah yeah yeah you're a duck you can't fool me I don't give a shit about your quacks get out of here.  Second thing-- there's that thing where itís like the platypus was the animal that was designed by committee or something.  Too Many Cooks, so to speak.  And platypuses are like ducks.  Third thing-- Long Island.  I guess that's it.  One of the other thing I was thinking of was the adage of the Walrus and the Carpenter which is like a metaphor for Buddha and Jesus-- but I forgot it was the Walrus and was thinking Buddha must have been a duck, that makes sense.
   
I don't want all your angry e-mails from Buddhafans saying I was insensitive by comparing him to a duck!  Or do I.  Actually, I do!  Send me all your angry e-mails, hopefully with you being a Buddhafan, saying I was insensitive by comparing him to a duck!  I've got Shit Else to do, I'll go through all your e-mails where you berate me, say I'm insensitive and try to hurt my feelings at the same time!  GOTTA DO SOMETHING!  I dunno, what else is going on.  Hey a new 5 paragraph block after this paragraph is over.  Whatta joy this has been.  Totally near wrapping up August soon!  Then it's on to September.  Got a few good Month Titles circling around my head.  We'll see how that goes and whatnot.  Anyway, here's a thought to end this Block with--  If me giving up smoking was conceiving a baby, I'd be due right around Happy New Years.

 

Sure I Call New Years Eve/Day, "Happy New Years."  What Am I Supposed To Do, Not... Do... That... ...?
   

  Hey great just great.  YA KNOW WHAT?  Gonna take a walk now, eat when I get back, continue the entry then.  Hey I'm back.  YA KNOW WHAT?  I was just listening to My Music on my walk-- new thing I do.  Pop them headphones in, listen to my crap through the headphones.  And, ya know what?  Man, I dunno.  Juss... I dunno.  GLAD THATS OVER, that's all I can say.  The point is I'm Eating Duck For Lunch When's The Last Time You Ate Lunch For Duck? I eat lunch for duck all the time, he loves it, duck can't get enough of watching me eat lunch.  Fine, just fine.  What else is going on.  After doing the research, I'm not on board with the adage w/ Platypus + Carpenter.  I always thoguht it was 2 animals.  Carpenter for Jesus?  A little too on the nose.  At least make it a Carpenter Ant or something.  A story about a platypus and an ant?  Ok, that's fine.  The point is CHECK MINUS MINUS FOR LEWIS CARROLL.
    Anyway now the terror and misery of listening to my Live Album is over.  Whew.  What a vaguely talented loser, I wanna say of myself, based on that very specific Representation of myself.  For that 45 minutes, whatta vaguely talented loser.  Oh well, such is life sometimes.  I've lived 99.99994% of my life NOT During that 45 minutes... most of the time I'm Okay, right?  Probably!  If it wasn't for Beck, I don't think I'd ever think to use the word, "Loser."  I never grew up with the word.  I don't just mean I was never called a loser, I was never in a world where the word was used at all.  Back in my day, kids used to respect each other!  If we wanted to mock them we'd call them gay or stupid or generally somehow use their physical and mental distinguishing factors against them by exaggerating them!  I think the first Gay Guy I ever knew of was, in middle school, probably 6th grade, we always saw this other guy from the Non-Magnet Class (for the most part, us in the gifted class were sequestered socially from everyone else) and he was always surrounded by girls at his table during Lunch, and at first we thought Oh Man This Guy's Lucky... and over a period of time we realized oh right... gay... that's a thing that probably explains this.
   
Such is life.  The point is I was surprised by how much duck I had left over from last night yet I am still almost finished with it so in the end It All Meant Nothing because even though I had more duck to eat just now and believe me I enjoyed it in the end there's never quite enough duck to satisfy you one way or the other.  The point is, this kid's name was Sebastian, so when I was listening to Belle & Sebastian regularly in my freshman year at NYU I would constantly think I bet most people think this Sebastian character is some sort of Lothario but I know he's probably gay and that's why he's hanging out with Belle.  I also think Led Zeppelin is about Irresponsible Hot Air Balloons.  Huh how about that. 
   
Maybe I'm not just a vaguely talented loser, ya know?  Maybe I'm just sensitive.  Girls like that, right?  Yeah-- if you're a sensitive Lothario or a sensitive gay guy.  DAMNIT THERE'S NO WAY I CAN WIN.  The point is I have to go to sleep tomorrow night and have people watch me and it'll be the closest I've got to Sex in 9 years.  Hallelujah!  14th paragraph.  Figure aim for 20 overall. The good news is my The Uppers albums are more... uppy... than that live album under my own name.  I knew I came up with the Band Title for a reason!  Paying off in dividends it is!  Sometimes I think about it in context of the multiverse of music and bands.  Kinda seems related to Nirvana.  Nirvana is like ya gotta climb this mountain or something to reach ultimate joy or peace... THE UPPERS'LL GET YA THERE!  Here's another thing the name Nirvana makes me think of-- I very, very briefly knew a girl name Ana, who I met during NYU orientation during the summer before freshman year, and I saw here and there a half dozen times over freshman year, but without any meaningful interaction.  And her name wasn't pronounce, "Ahhh!-nah," she was Hispanic, it was, "On-uh."  So anyway the point is I'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO NERVE ANA.  LIKE GET HER CONFIDENT THAT SHE CAN DEAL WITH ANYTHING.  GIVE ANA SOME NERVE!!!
    Sure we should all do what band names tell us to do.  What are we supposed to do, ignore them?  They put in a lot of time to make all that pointless music just to get their band name out there, c'mon, be a dear and heed their names.
  I liked Ana cause she was legit shorter than me, I met her along with a dozen and a half other people as my very first exposure to NYU and its peoples, and, well, she was cute!  Nothing ever happened, though!  I was too busy being a vaguely talented loser-- that took up all of my time, believe you me!  Anyway one more block of 5 paragraphs presumably after this one.  That seems about right.  Hey guess what I happen to be wearing my Belle and Sebastian shirt just now.  Great, just great.  The point is I just took two pretzel rods out of the cylindrical container.  I always think about pretzels when I'm eating pretzels.  Huh.  Fascinating.

 

Just Joshing Ya
   

  Hey how about that lets finish this crap up. Sometimes I think about man is Pepperoni a great topping for pizza but there's absolutely no way to justify having it while on a diet because compared to the amount you get the calories it is are no way worth it and being for real itís not that great but itís really great if you just let yourself go its great as a nice little add on that we should all have in life but oh well what can ya do.  I think if we just told Americans that Mexican People Invented Pizza they'd be 100% on board with welcoming as many of them into the country as they want.  Honestly.  Even just emphasize that they're what makes Tacos and Burritos possible.  Like, conduct a poll,  are you cool with more immigrants from Mexico? and the majority will be like Nah I don't want that, but if you phrase it, keeping in mind that Mexicans have brought us Tacos and Burritos, are you cool with more people from Mexico emigrating to America? and everyone'll be like yeah sure why not!
   
Cracked that code.  What else is going on.  Food is the great equalizer.  In many senses.  One sense is that each culture, in or out of America, has their own cuisines that add to the global food pallet.  The other way is, we all enjoy food, so we can all appreciate everyone elseís' food (well, for some people, only as long as its kosher/halal, but you get the idea)  The point is I Just Figured Out The Secret To World Peace Is Sharing Recipes NOBEL PRIZE PLEASE.  I dunno, what else is going on and crap. I'm gonna be honest-- I feel like I've deserved a Nobel Prize many times over.  Whether through my writing, my music, my deeds-- so much in my life has earned me a Nobel Prize, but, oh well.  Preferably Nobel Peace Prize.  That's the best kind!  That's my opinion.  Also what's the Nobel Committee's policy on pretzels.  I just had two so they're kind of at the top of my mind.
   
Huh.  Great.  What else is going on.  Maybe the Nobel Prize People decide we want to create a prize for THE MOST VAGUELY TALENTED LOSER Alive!!! I gotta be in the discussion for that one, at least, right?  Probably.  Penpenultimate paragraph.  I don't believe it!  I get to have pizza for supper!  I don't believe it!  I get to let the memory of me being a vaguely talented loser disappear into the past!  I don't believe it!  People say there's a God and Afterlife!  I don't believe it!  Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  When I was a kid, I was really scared of dying, but now that I'm a bit older, I realize, there'll be plenty of time to be scared of dying a little bit later on, no reason to rush into it now.  Believe You Me I'll get to being scared of dying someday soon, just no reason to do it Today Specifically.
   
Anyway, what else.  19th paragraph!  Two to go-- lets get Wrappin' It Up With It.  I think I had some sort of a dream involving Burger King.  Those are all the details I will giving out at this time.  What else is going on.  Eatin' some toast.  I like toast because it's like hey you like bread? and I'm like yup. and you're like well what about toast? and I'm like YUP!  It only goes to figure that the more effort you put into something, the more you get out of it.  Of course Toast is Unequivocally Better than Bread-- because it's Bread + Effort.  Makes perfect sense to me and suggesting otherwise would be a real vaguely talented loserish thing to do!  Thatís how I feel!  Sometimes if I hae toast, especially if I'm having 2 pieces like right now, I'm like, jeez there's this insane low calorie thin slices of turkey or ham or salami I got the fridge... I really should just make this a sandwich... only increases the calories by less than 50%!! and instead of toast ITS A WHOLE FUCKING SANDWICH!  Today, no sandwich, though.  Such is life.
    Great, just great.  Whadda got in store for the rest of the day.  Lie in bed, listen to music, take a walk, get pizza, lie in bed, listen to music, eat pizza, take a walk, like in bed listen to pizza, go to walk.  I dunno, something along those lines.  Sometimes I like to fantasize that I bet if a halfway decent musicguy spent some time with my Song Files, he could make 'em sound a lot better.  Not much of a fantasy, now that I think about.  More of just a Thought.  The fantasy would be the Music Guy Actually Doing That.  What I just said is Idle Thinking.  Right?  Seems about right.  I also feel bad that there were a dozen or so Just-As-Decent Songs from that time period that I didn't get around to playing during that Stupid Live Album Type Thing.  Such is life.  Yeah, people know I'm a vaguely talented loser, but do they really recognize how prodigious a vaguely talented loser I am?!  Anyway I'll see you guys later presumably.

-2:03 P.M.

 
   

 

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Lets Get Dry
   

  Hello buuuuuudies.  It's the weasel!  No just kidding its The Guy Whose Actually Me.  Anyway I made a gentleman's agreement-- a pact, if you will-- not to drink alcohol at all through the month of... next month.  Whatever that month may be.  Oh, September!  Right, right.  I hear ya.  Anyway, figure I'll drink once or twice more over the course of the next week, that's all well and good.  I was going to drink today, but then I had a small half a sandwich after I got back from my walk, and I was like, man that half sandwich was good.  If I don't drink today, I could have roughly three or even four more of those half sandwiches should I choose to go down that Half Sandwich Rabbit Hole.  Do sandwiches ever get involved in Alice in Wonderland?  Seems like there's a plot point or something where she has a picnic and is eating some weird sandwiches.  I'm gonna write a letter to Lewis Carroll, get all this sorted out.
   
Anyway the big hubbabaloo around the neighborhood is that our local branch of the chain drug store Rite Aid is now a Walgreens.  Everything except for the name, and presumably the administration, is the same.  But people, naturally, are curious.  Dozens of people crowd around the windows, trying to get a peek at this new monstrosity.  No one dares go in, except for me, because my mother asked me to get her huge beyond-family, beyond-party size bags of MnMs.  I'm talking like a bag of MnMs that costs 20 dollars.  And I had to get 2 of them!  One Peanut, One Plain.  But the point is they were in the same place Rite Aid had them which tells me not a lot is going to change for us, the customers.  Just trying to get that message out there.
    Why aren't I drinking.
  I haven't pot committed myself to not drinking today-- I was pretty upfront about that, right?  Itís not like itís a supreme lapse in self-control-- I told you I was considering it all along!  Cause, letís be honest-- how many more half sandwiches do I really want?  Besides, I don't really have enough meat for four more half sandwiches!  I'd have to go to Walgreens and go to their presumable Meat Section which didn't exist when it was a Rite Aid but you'd think new ownership would prioritize adding deli meats to their inventory, right?  That's what you'd think, and you'd be well on your way to thinking correct things all the time.  Anyway, got my overnight sleep study Tuesday Night-- not supposed to drink 24 hours before that.  Got colonoscopy on Thursday-- not supposed to consume anything before that-- so if I don't drink in the next 24 hours or so, my next chance is Thursday Night.  So, in other words, I'd be behaving irresponsibly if I don't drink today!  Forget putting off to tomorrow what you can do today-- which already is a good line of reasoning to justify drinking today as being the responsible thing to do-- but, also, I can't do it tomorrow, nor the next day, nor the day after that... day after that is okay, though, probably...
   
That'd be a fun suicide note to leave behind.  "Death-- why put off to tomorrow what you can do today?  XOXO P.S.-- SEE YA SOON!"  That's even better than the original premise!  Ending a suicide note with SEE YA SOON!  It's a threat from beyond the grave!  Anyway, what else is going on.  I heard that the Amazon Rain Forest is on fire to an insanely dangerous extent that must be addressed immediately.  Smokey The Bear Must Be Inconsolable.  Wonder how Smokey The Bear feels about his name.  Smoke is his enemy!  Where there's smoke, there's fire!  And this guy (Bear) HATES fire.  In fact, itís a perfect name for an arsonist.  Cause he goes around setting fires, where there's Smoke(y), there's fire!  Also, good name for a marijuana addict.  Whoís also a bear.  Figure I need to clarify that.  Having a marijuana addict named Smokey isn't that funny (I mean, it's one of the main plot points in Friday and isn't meant to be Laugh Out Loud Funny).  BUT if you imagine a bear named Smokey and being a marijuana addict, that's a funny image!  I wanna imagine Bears doing all sorts of human activities now! AndYouKnowThis,Man!  Sure sure why not.
   
Oh man I just had a flashback to the Colbert Report, and them mentioning Bears probably on average every other week over the course of the entire run of the show, with bears being the number one threat in the Threat Down.  Ahhhh, good times.  I think a good football match up would be the Chicago Bears versus the San Francisco Twinks.  ...Commentary?  Nope!  Just nonsense!  Ah, just remembered another bit that I forget if it was from the Colbert Report proper, or was done on the Daily Show, or both.  Even Stephen.  Where he debates himself and it's all in one take but each time he takes the alternate voice the camera turns into a mirror image so it looks like he is talking to another one of himselves... ahhh... I miss those shows.  Uh.. Daily show still around... Yeah And I Still Miss It!  I guarantee you if I had a TV while reading Trever Noah: The Book, I'd be back to watching it.  I like the guy!  I'll presumably get a new TV at some point and then it's back into the deep end of consuming ComedyNews all the time.
    No drinking today!  Not yet!  Wow, it's 9:07 A.M. and you haven't drank alcohol yet.  Amazing.  Hey Shut Up What Do You Know!  I liked the Nightly Show when it was around, because it was a similar sense of humor but actually reflected view points where I'm like, hey itís not a white manís point of view isn't that just strange? but anyway the point is I wanted to make this cruel joke where the producer from Comedy Central is like Larry, gonna keep it 100-- you're fired.  Is it being fired if your whole enterprise goes away?  I mean, if the show continued on without him, that's him being fired.  If the show itself ceases to exist along with him not hosting it... seems like a distinction to be made, right?  Anyway what else is going on.  Gotta read that Martin Short book!
    I was never a huge Martin Short fan but I was always a moderate-without-really-thinking-about-it Martin Short fan.  I liked it when he was in stuff!  He makes me laugh and seems affable!  Hopefully this book will push me over the edge into Martin Short Fandom.  And I can start writing Martin Short FanFiction.  Where he hangs out with Trevor Noah and Ben Folds and they start a band called Ben Shorts Noah.  MAN THIS IS GOLD I GOTTA GET STARTED ON THIS IMMEDIATELY.  That sounds like a decent idea for a TV show, though, right?  I mean-- it's a decent idea in terms of studios being intrigued and giving it a chance-- not in the sense that it's a decent idea that it would be a good show.  But, basically, the premise is itís a fictional (or semi-fictional) show about random different celebrities colliding to do some sort of game or reality TV show.  But its scripted.  And you get random celebrities, artists, media and political figures, so on and so on.  That could make people some money, right?  And, as we've established in the last entry, the goal of our economic system is to make people money.  Ideally for yourself, but more importantly, making more money for your employer and whatnot.
    What else is going on.  Pretty much 95% of my song titles can have double or triple or whatever meanings, but one that makes me laugh the last few weeks thinking about it, is I have a sng called Good For Nothing.  And my current interpretation is Yeah, I have been Good for Nothing.  All the creative crap I put out into the world sometimes borders on Good!  And I get paid nothing, I'm promised nothing, there's not really any Anything for me at the end of the tunnel as far as I know... I'm good for nothing!  So I got that working against me I guess.  To be fair, you have to have a pretty generous notion of what constituted good.  Is mediocrity good? I dunno-- it might be!  Better than most.  Most people can't even achieve mediocrity! 
    Cool, cool.  Still haven't drank, but I'm starting to leaning towards drinking a bit later.  Not go all-out but have 2-3 drinkings over the day.  Ninth paragraph.  Havin' a drink after 10 seems like a Responsible.  Anyway, Spell Check hasn't existed the last few entries.  Whatta scam!  Lets just hope its coherent anyway.  Got a lot of good ideas for lunch.  Pretty much main first thing to decide is whether I want a relatively large lunch-- a dinner sized meal, as it were-- a relatively small lunch-- maybe about 2/3rds of what the dinner sized meal would be-- or a small lunch-- maybe about 1/2 what the dinner sized portion would be.  THIS IS THE MOST FASCINATING STUFF IN THE HISTORY OF STUFF.  TALK ABOUT GOOD FOR NOTH-- ok right now itís taken on the obvious meaning of that phrase.  That's how you know itís a great Song Title.  It could mean Hey I've been doing good with no reward necessary good for me.  Or it could mean there's absolutely nothing in any universe anyone knows of that would make anyone interpret this as good.
    Man do I like me some good titles.
  Alright!  Short break after this paragraph to recalibrate life.  I was thinking about it and one day I might have either an insanely devoted friend, enough money to hire someone, or be in some sort of profession that someone else would be compeled to do it for me, but anyway, for someone to go through the last 9 Plus years of crazysheet.net and boil it down to the 10% or so worth saving.  Maybe seperate it into Jokes/Funny Rants/Etc worth saving, and also some HmmInsightsAboutMyLifeOrAnythingInGeneral.  How much would it cost to hire someone to do that right now?  And where do I find this guy.  And how do I establish he has the right sense of humor so as to know the kind of stuff I'd want to save and what I woudn't?  Lot of unanswered questions being raised by this proposition.  Also, another real proposition that I should do, is hire someone to mix a bunch of my Music Songs.  I got someone to do 4 songs for free a few years ago, and they were great!  But any more than that, and he would have charged me.  I ain't got time for being charged!  Why don't you just do things for me for free?  It's a win/win/win.  I win for getting your services for free, you win by helping out a good god fearing person in their time of need, and then society wins because it gives them something to listen to in their spare time. 

-9:27

 

What Kind of Maniac Waks In Circles Three Hours a Day
   

  I'm glad I never did that.  IMAGINARY EDITOR SAVE ME DELETE ALL REFERENCES TO THE CONTRARY!!!!  What else is going on.  Still haven't heard back from Comedy Teacher about me getting into that New Talent Showcase at Carolineís which funnels a smaller number of people to the New talent Showcase for the NY Comedy Festival.  Oh well.  The original e-mail made me feel like, if I wanted to and got back to her in an appropriate time, the gig was mine.  I e-mailed her back 1 or 2 hours after getting the e-mail.  This was one week, two weeks ago?  Starting to look like that's not gonna pan out.  Oh well.  When I first got the e-mail, I was ike, well this is a scam... maybe not a scam, but itís probably something she sent to everybody and whoever wants to do it can do it because itís not a big deal.  But then I decided to let my delusional sense of adequacy at whatever I try take over and made me feel like hey maybe I am pretty good and she sees potential there.  Then there was no follow up and I was like well one thing I can do is double down on my drinking!
   
So it wasn't a total loss!  I think it's interesting that Eric Holder (Obama's Attorney General) is leading some sort of movement trying to counter intense and presumably-illegal(or, at least, definitely should be illegal) gerrymandering.  I find it interesting because I get these emails from him and his organization (All On The Line) a lot that I don't really remember signing up for, but I do agree itís really important so all the more power to him.  PLUS he went to Stuyvesant-- a little too old to be on The Team but he's definitely A Friend Of The Team.  Anyway the point is, if you narrow down all the pressing issues that must be addressed if we want to fulfill America's destiny of becoming Better Than It Has Been Lately, Gerrymandering in and of itself has got to be in the top 20 issues, and issues regarding voting, counting votes, Super pacs
* and dark money donations-- essentially all the issues that combine to form assaults on our Democratic Process-- definitely in the top 5 of most important issues.  I'd say Climate Change is #1, shoring up fair voting and representation is #2 or #3.  So, even though I probably didn't talk about these issues 100% well informed, or focus on the important things, or have a great understanding of what's really going on, the point is these people at AOTL probably do and yer doin' The Team proud Unc!
    13th paragraph-- time for 1st drink of the day!  Hallelujah.  Man its times like this I wish I had spell check.  I think they should combine Spell Check and Alexa so that if I was like Hey this premise is funny and wierd suddenly Alexa says Did You Mean WEIRD, "W E I R D," YOU FUCKING RETARD?  I like the idea of spell check being a real ball buster and almost a dominatrix type entity.  That'll teach us to learn how to spell presumably.  HOLY SHIT, "ALL ON THE LINE," I JUST GOT IT.  Gerrymandering is dividing up districts using arbitrary lines (well, arbitrary geographically/demographically-- but done consciously with the purpose to manipulate total representation throughout the state)... dividing with lines... all on the line... alright Mr. Holder you just went from doing The Team Proud to being a possible Full Fledged Role Model for our Current The Team.
    Cool!  I wonder if Alexa identifies as a person, a computer, or an algorithm.  Or something else, even.  Seems to be a lot of conflicting philosophical senses-of-self that could be weighing on her own idea of what she/it is.  I'm positive people have done this before, but if not, I think it'd be a fun YouTube video to have an Alexa taking to another Alexa.  Just see what happens.  Must have been done thousands of times, itís not that unique an idea.  But, if not-- IM A GENIUS I FIGURED OUT A POTENTIAL COMEDY THING.  One thing that might make it easier withotu drinking is that I have a huge surplus of Ritalin and Klonpin from using it very, very rarely over the past months/even years.  So that could alter my consciousness in a fun, relatively responsible way!  (I say responsible because I don't plan to pop 5 at a time, It'd still be only 1... or 2... or 2 of each at the same time... or FUCK IT JUST GIVE IT ALL TO ME RIGHT NOW!
    I dunno-- I am gonna have a beer right now.  One beer.  May be it for the day, may not, who can say.  Probably not.  What good has One Beer ever done.  In the history of drinking, has anyone ever had one 12 oz can of light beer and been like we that satisfied me.  I'm glad I did that and am not planning on drinking more!  My guess? Yeah sure all the time for people who aren't me.  I hate those people who aren't me so much!  Where do they get off Not Being Me!  I have to Be Me 24/7, and they don't even have to be me anymore than a week, two months tops throughout the year.  Doesn't seem fair!  What else is going oin.  Gotta figure out how to re-apply spell check.  Can't be too hard.  Yet, it is.  Fifteenth paragraph!  New Title After This One!  I think I got a few in my back pocket assuming no one picked my pocket and got away with half a dozen titles and were like I hit the jack pocket!  I'm gonna start a blog with these pieces of phrase!  Aso, Jack Pot, Jack Pocket, almost sort of relatively close to being a pun!

 

What Do You Mean You Titlers?
   

  I haven't had a lot of save-em-ups lately, both because there's no inspiration in real life and also because I'm here writing all the time already.  But here's one-- I think the word Poop has been cast in the wrong role.  Should be what we say for fart.  Unless you're counting The Splash as part of the defecation.  Just forcing it out is relatively silent.  However, you're farting, sometimes there's a nice Poop! sound that happens.  I can sort of see the shit hitting the water as making a bit of a Poop sound, but I dunno, I feel very strongly about that.  Anyway, 4.5 paragraphs to go, gonna cut off the drinking at One Beer, then see where life takes me!  I dunno, so many choices for lunch.  The more I allow myself to eat, the better the choice!  Haven't had Chinese Food in a while, boy oh boy would that be mixing it up.  Chinese Food?  Are we even allowed to eat that anymore?  Rice is a carbs, General Tso's chicken is fried and covered in sugary sauce, and don't even get me started on them accidently throwing in a free can of Sprite with the order instead of DIET SPRITE LIKE I SPECIFICALY ASKED FOR SHOULD I BE QUALIFIED FOR A FREE THING.
   
Wat the Hell am I supposed to do with a can of sugary soda?  Pour it on top of General Tso's chicken to make it even sweeter? I don't play that game!  In fact, there are very few games I do play, unfortunately.  I'd love to play Stratego, or that computer game from the late 90's Worms where you command an army of 10 worms or so against your friend and they each have all these fun weapons and itís a turn based game and obviously your job is to kill all of your opponents worms and then you win.  I think it was designed as a training exercise for veterinarians.  Gotta get rid of worms in dogís stomach or something, right?  I'm not veterinarian!  Not worth the risk!  They live mad lifestyles and are constantly under so much pressure to get everything right and itís just not worth it
    Huh.  How about that.  Stratego's big flaw is, even if you're operating in good faith and each making an effort not to cheat and look at your opponents set-up [OH I REALIZED YOU GUYS MIGHT NOT KNOW WHAT STRATEGO IS-- HERES A LINK THAT EXPLAINS IT--
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stratego] but anyway the point is, when you're setting up your pieces, if you're paying attention to the other guy, you can see where he's placing his priority.  I mean, it's your responsibility to mix it up a bit, but odds are, if you take the first piece you have and place it all the way at the back left corner, and your opponent takes note of that, he's gonna be like well that's probably where the flag is.  I guess you just have to extrapolate that lesson to mix things up and keep your opponent on his edge by guessing that.  BUT WHOíS GOT THE TIME.  I DIDNT START THIS GAME TO BE TRICKY WITH PLACING PIECES HERE AND THERE.  I WANNA PUT MY BEST AND MOST IMPORTANT PIECES DOWN FIRST AND THEN SURROUND THEM WITH THE DUDS.
    Huh.  Anyway, jeez, what else is going on.  I remember when I was younger I used to really like Risk, but looking back, that was more on the conceit that It Never Ends so me and my friends would have to spend a lot of quality time together seeing the game through!  Alright!  Human Contact With People Who Alternatively Tolerate Me and Enjoy My Company!  IM GOIN' FOR AUSTRALIA ITS MINE I DONT CARE IF YOU TAKE 2 AUSTRALIA COUNTIES AND I TAKE TWO I'M GOIN' AFTER YOU AUSTRALIA IS MINE DON'T EVEN TRY.  The point is there was a lot of Gerrymandering in Risk to make sure Australia is the best continent, and South America is next.  Hmm-- Mr Holder, listen up, great idea-- get in touch with Hasbro or Parker Bros and make a game inspired by Risk but thatís also designed to teach people about Gerrymandering.  I don't know the Nuts and Bolts of how this game would work (Both in terms of gameplay and being fun, and also in terms of how it imparts context and knowledge of the illegality and danger and egregiousness of gerrymandering), but you know what?  Maybe it can be done!  Get back to me at mankindguy@gmail.com to pay me royalties for this inevitable project even though I insist I will have nothing to do with it from this point on.
    Awesome!  20th paragraph.  Current instinct is to have a 2nd drink (a vodka + soda mixed), call that enough drinking for the day, finish up this entry in the process, then go have fun by lying down and crying myself to sleep.  Jeez you really don't know what you have in Spell Check until itís gone.  Maybe I can hire this presumptive guy to go through my crap for good stuff to also edit stuff so its spelled right.  He'd have to stat YESTERDAY though, can't wait a year for him to sign on and then this whole year goes by without correct spelling!  Defeats the purpose!  Aahhh what else.  Maybe I can transfer it to Microsoft Word, fix spellings, and transfer back.  Sounds like a good idea, if it works!  HEY IT DOES WORK.  So I'll take care of that at the end of the entry, and no one will be the wiser.  New Blcok of Paragrafts.

 

Never Gonna Give You Up! [Unless I Feel Like It Or You're Bad For Me]
   

  Ohkay.  So the last day of the month is next Saturday. Giving up alcohol for a month shouldn't be too hard.  I anticipate itís easier than giving up smoking, itís easier than giving up overeating, itís easier than giving up poker... that's my Current Hot Take.  And also, I'm totally gonna drink on October 1st!  Just hopefully less often!  It's more of an exercise in yeah I should just make sure I can do this, cause if I can't, that'd be bad.  It's also an exercise in hey if I don't drink for a month I'm probably gonna remain about the same weight that's a Dream Come True!  How come whenever you hear about Dreams Coming True they're always good dreams.  I'd riff on that by giving examples of nightmares or something that come true, and then the protagonist in our story would be like Hey that scary stuff is happening in real life IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE! but whose got the time?  Not me.
   
I remember for a a few years I wore watches now and then.  I think it all started in 3rd grade, I vaguely remember.  Not all the time.  But by the time I was in, letís say, 10, 11th grade, I just wore a watch.  Totally unnecessary.  Each classroom had a clock above the front blackboard.  Maybe it wasn't working 5% of the time, but does that really warrant having your own watch?  Nope!  Also, fascinating supplement to that story-- when I was in 3rd grade, I had one of those mini battery operated personal fans.  I loved it!  Everyone would be hot and sticky and be hearing an annoying whirring noise and I'd be like don't worry itís just me keeping cool.  Continue with your lesson.  That didn't happen.  The part about the fan is true, but as far as I know it didn't bother anyone or even have anyone be aware of it.
    yeah!  I was just thinking yesterday about the story I told here a few months ago where I just pissed my pants unapologetically and even went so far as to be like the moral of the story is just go for it, mostly un-ironically.  Partly ironically.  But mostly genuine.  In case you forget, the situation was I had come home from drinking after Comedy Class, was waiting for the bus to my house after getting back to Queens, late at night, no one around, had to go, just let go!  No one was the wiser.  And I came home and was like Man Talk About a Life Hack!  The point is pretty good explanation of the specific ways in which I'm... not crazy, but... eccentric.  Cool!  Good Tweet I made a few years ago regarding that distinguishing-- One Day I Hope To Be Wealthy Enough To Be Considered Eccentric.  I thought that was a real insight-em-up and more or less 80% accurate!  Cool!   
    Anyway, great, I got a coupon for a Free Hash Browns from Dunkin Donuts and another coupon for a Free Shot of Espresso In Any Beverage You Want!  I found that sound one on the ground by the side of the road.  It's a thing where you peel it off an iced coffee cup (or at least thatís how I got mine), so the one I bought yesterday, that's where I got the Free Hash Brown.  Today, on my walk, empty iced coffee cup on the sidewalk, I noticed it hadn't been peeled, so I picked it up and peeled that shit and guess what ESPRESSO TIME!  Anyway.  I saw that movie where the adult lady becomes a kid a few months ago, and it was a good enough movie, kinda funny and charming, but the one thing that stuck with me was when the lady was an adult, before she learned how to become a better person, she would go to Starbucks and skip the long line and give her order and slip the barista a 20 or something for the privilege of Line Cheating.  I wonder if thatís a real thing?! Seems like it might me.  It keeps me up at nights.
   
Anyway, great.  25th paragraph.  Gonna go for 30 at this point!  Amazing!  And I'm not even 100% dreading WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW when itís over.  I can read about Martin Short: The Jack of All Comedy Trades Except For A Bunch Of Them Now That I Think About It... He's An Actor, I Know That...  Or maybe he has done more things, I dunno, that's what the book is for.  Also, here's an observation I briefly put together, then decided it's incorrect in context, but it includes a phrase I thought of and want to use-- I know martin Short and Steve Martin were doing those live shows that showed up on Netflix where they gave each other Comedy Blow Jobs.  Looking back, that's not a fair characterization.  But the term Comedy Blow Jobs just really strikes a chord with me for some reason.  To learn more about Comedy Blow Jobs, consult your local library.

 

I Am Title
   

  Oh, okay.  Was wondering what you are.  Hey 5 more paragraphs hopefully no more no less just 5!  I think I dreamt part of a song a few nights ago but can't remember any of it.  This has happened before, but itís never led to anything.  Maybe half a dozen, a dozen times in my life have I dreamt a legit decent song, but I can never remember by the time I wake up.  So I'm forced to create my legit indecent, "Songs."  Oh well such is life!  Current Lunch Plan-- 1/3rd of a Healthish Frozen Pizza, a few Healthish Chicken Nuggets and some other Healthish thing that I haven't pinpointed quite yet.  The last few months I've listened to my "Live Album," of some old, old songs, which were the ones I had been playing at that open mic for a year and a half-- and some of them I'm really happy with how they turned out, but there's just one single track that fucks up the whole experience for me.  3rd song I play, I forget the 3rd verse, and instead of just moving on, I attempt to re-start it e or 4 times, and it's just so bullshit to hear.  I mean, I made a couple of other mistakes over the show, but I just let them be and moved on.  This one not only ruins the song for me, it ruins the entire album experience!
    That's what you get when you try to something creative.  Something bad happens and then you know deep down Never Do Anything Creative Again-- You Might Forget Part Of It When Performing Live And Then Where Will You Be?  Now the question is do I eat lunch before 2nd of 4 walk?  Or take 2nd of 4 walk before lunch?  Leaning towards the latter.  Also, don't lean on ladders-- might topple 'em over and just imagine if there was a guy at the top of the ladder!  He could get hurt and then you're liable.  That's a lose/lose situation if I ever saw one!  Jeez.  27th paragraph, three more to go after this one!  I feel pretty okay.  I think the last 3 entries, including this one, reached 100 paragraphs.  How about that and whatnot.  100 paragraphs and they're all pointless as fuck.  I don't get how you can argue about the electoral college, or partisan gerrymandering, in good faith and not admit the only reason ou want to keep it is because it helps/protects you politically.  If you wanna be like that, fine, just say that out loud.  I wanna keep it (electoral college, gerrymandering, voter suppression, dark money, super pacs, unsafe voting machines, the list goes on...) because it helps me personally because it makes it easier for me to win, as well as my colleagues in the same political party.  Otherwise, what's your argument?  They say crap like the Electoral College makes sure that everyone's vote counts the same. NO IT DOES THE EXACT OPPOSITE!  LITERALLY.  Ufh.  It boggles the mind of how politicians or political news or media figures could have discussions and arguments and conversations and debates in good faith anymore about these things.  They all just lie and distort and cover up and all that stuff.  No Gouda!  (By, "They," I mean 98% Republicans, 5% Democrats, and the 25% who don't understand how percentages work)
   
Such is life!  Anyway, what can ya do.  Write a letter to your congressman.  I did that, and Grace Meng never got back to me.  What, my, "R," isn't good enough for you?  All I wanted was a lousy letter back, doesn't even need to be a vowel.  I'd even take a number.  NOTHING, I GOT NOTHING.  Anyway, guess where Grace Meng went to high school. STUYVESANT!!!  WELCOME TO THE TEAM MRS. MENG.  Ahh, I dunno about that, you might be a little too old.  I'll have to think about this one.  Don't trust any politician over 43.  Or, just to be safe, donít trust any politician!  That actually makes a lot more sense now that I think about it.  Also, I was thinking about it, and I think I'm willing to consider expanding The Team to anyone in a prominent position (Culturally, politically, scientifically, anythingÖ or even just seems like a good guy/gal!) who attended any high school or so in New York City.  Even a private school, fine!  Just has to be born roughly between 1980-2000.  THEMS THE BREAKS!
    I feel like Samuel L Jackson in Unbreakable.  I need to track down all these Team Members and impart on them how important it is we work together.  And they'd be like, uhh, what are you saying, I have a super power for being of my generation and from New York?  And I'm like I've seen what you can do.  You're capable of so much more than you know.  Like, look at me.  I never thought I'd be able to blow up a trai.... wait nevermind.  ...I'll tell ya about it later. ...Maybe.  Hey do you know Kevin Jamesí e-mail?  I dunno what I'm talking about. Kevin James isn't from NYC Proper and doesn't fit the generational guidelines, but just happened to be the perfect reference right there regardless.  Alright I'm done with this rant.  I'll Be The Team Myself!  I can do it.  And then once I've done it, I'll be like, and you all doubted me.
   
Alright I'm past The Team.  They never did nothin for me so I'm never gonna do nothin for them.  But the point is after this paragraph, I take a walk, put Food In Oven, Eat Said Food, Figure Somethin' Else To Do.  Sometimes I think about Long Island and I think about how I used to think Long Island wasn't that long.  Then at some point in my life I figured out Oh Long Island Is Actually Really Pretty Long, Big Distance From The Outside of Long Island To NYC proper.  Now, at this point in my life, I think about that moment where I learnt more about Long Island than I ever thought I'd have to know.  But I know it now.  And that settles that!  Hey I gotta spell check then I'm done.  See you fools later.

-11:43 A.M.
 

 

*If Tupac became a super hero

 ---What do you mean IF?

  ----I dunno not a big Tupac fan I only know half a dozen songs and the movies never struck a chord with me doesn't seem like a super hero to me

    ------------you African American cultural dummy he's a super hero everyone knows that

            -----------I remember when I first learnt who Tupac was, it was after he died, and I was told the errenoius and probably wrong distinction that if something was said it was by Tupac is was him and if it was by  2pac, it was an imposter

                   -------------hmm that is interesting, wrong, though.  But it does show you've put a great deal of thought and consideration into what Tupac was all about

                 ------------ Yes I wish to learn more one day I will consult my local library

               ----------------alright see ya later

----------------------------------EPpPEACE


 

 

Friday, August 23, 2019

Sorry About The Boring
   

  Oh well what can ya do.  I dunno, put in just a little effort to make sure everything you say is at least slightly entertaining?  Crazy enough it just might work-- lets try it!  Anyway, just got 2 new books from the Mailing Organization.  Forget wich one.  Maybe the government one or maybe the UPS.  I, for one, am for Universal Mail, where we all get free mail done by the USPS for everything, whatever we want, and we don't pay a dime!  Time to abolish UPS for the good of the country!  Ya'll are paying so much Transportation Premiums, you don't even know.  Too many people are going completely broke waiting for their packages from Amazon!  Anyway, right-- the books!  One is an autobiography-thing written by Martin Short, and another one is a reprinting of all these journals and letters and random notes Kurt Cobain wrote.  Flipped through that for 15 minutes just now, and wow, this guy has VERY SIMILAR PENMANSHIP as me!  In my life, I have honestly never seen the written word that looks like I wrote it but I didn't write it.  Like, he alternates between several different caligraphy forms inadvertently-- and each of the half dozen forms I'm intimately familiar with!  Probably because we're both lefty-- that makes a big difference.  Also, maybe because we're both half crazy.  Well, I'm half crazy.  He was like 2/3rds, 3/4ths crazy.
   
I'm sure I'd be at that level of Crazy at this point in my life if I wasn't sequestered in my parents home for the last 10 years, as well as being very heavily medicated, and forced to see psychiatrsits and therapists all the time.  Reasonable assumption that if I'm ever forced to undergo a change in those circumstances, I'll be right bacl on the Crazy Train!  Right where I belong!  I still remember the day I found out by watchign a documentry that Kurt Cobain got the phrase Smells Like Teen Spirit because someone had written someting or said something to him that said Kurt Smells Like Teen Spirit, with Teen Spirit being some sort of deoderant-- possibly for females.  I liked it better when it was just their weird positively,  egregious and superfolous phrase!  Now that I know he just came across it by chance by some jerk making fun of him in a completely mundane way-- sorta makes the song lose some of its mystique!  WHATTA SCAM.  Also, In Bloom, is it about me, or not?  (Korn-Bloom is the name.)  Huge plot hole that has never been addressed explicitly.
    Third paragraph.  The Starbucks on my daily walks started serving Nitro Cold Brew Iced Coffee!  This is the biggest development in my life since... uh... when I started getting regular cold brew iced coffee from Starbucks roughly a year ago!  Alright!  Also, the other new realization from flipping through Kurt Cobain's journals-- I gotta get my journal game up.  I thought I took a fair amount of random notes and crap but his collection blows mine away.  A lot of being insightful intelligent talented relevant and there's more of it.  Oh well, now I know what to strive for.  I start writing notes like his, I'm gonna be The Next Big Thing (and being the then-Current Big Thing seemed to work out fine for him!  He loved the attention and consumption of his music only by people who get it!)  Probably!  My guess is he killed himself because it was like, man life can't get no ebtter than this, better quit while I'm ahead.  While he should have been saying better quit while I STILL HAVE A HEAD!  That'll show him for... being a great influence of mine musically, personally, and just seeming to be a genuinely great guy that I wish was still around making music and doin' what he do.
    Fourth paragraph!  Growing up as a teenager, idolizing rock musicians and harboring some sort of aspirations to become a successful musician yourself, for the most part, you're forced to think about hey a lot of these people I emulate died from either drug use or suicide when they were really young.  90% of other professions don't have that.  Kids are never like, you know I'd like to be a veterinarian when I grow up but there's so many veterinarians who kill themselves or die from drugs before they turn 30.  Kinda unique to artists in general, and even more unique to the subset of artists that is musicians even more.  Insight 'em up.  Great.  What else I got in the tank of things to talk about.  Speaking of how crazy I am, I'm sure I'm 50-60% more crazy than I think I am.  But that makes me lless crazy to admit I'm crazy.  So the more crazy I get, the more I admit it, the less crazy I get!  Figured out that scam.
    Fifth paragraph and whatnot-- take a break after this one. If Van Gogh really wanted to show he was serious about loving that girl, he'd cut off his painting hand, not an ear.  What does he need an ear for?  Nothin'!  He's even got another one so he could still ehar perfectly!  What kinda no-good sacrifice for love is that?!!  HMM THATS ODD-- I I checked out the reasons for Van Gogh cutting off his ear, and unrequited love isn't one of the possibilities!  Where'd I get that from?  AND WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT ME?!!?  Lots of unanswered questions being raised in this paragraph.  The cutest lady who works at my regular Starbucks, we don't interact as much as I do with some others, but when she heard I was getting a Nitro Cold Brew she lit up.  She was like  HEY!  I DIDN"T KNOW YOU LIKED NITRO COLD BREW! and she was really excited about it.  And, I said, well I've never had it before, I'm just trying it.  WHICH WAS A LIE-- I'M A COMPULSIVE LIAR-- I HAD TRIED IT BEFORE AT ANOTHER BRANCH, BUT THIS BRANCH JUST STARTED SERVING THEM THIS WEEK, SO RATHER THAN GO THROUGH ALL THAT EXPOSITION I JUST SAID "YEAH IM TRYING IT OUT!"  GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT YOU JEERRRRKS.

-10:20 A.M.

 

Finally, a Decent Title For Once!
   

  Is it?  Is it really?  I was just thinking about (yeah I think about things!) Dinosaur Jr's song Keep The Glove (as one does!) and I'm pretty sure its about keeping a collection of used condoms.  That seems like a weird pervert thing to do, rihgt?  But I've never come across it in my studies.  But, still, I'm just waiting for the news report this guy died and we found 300 used condoms laying around.  Hmm I should be a Report Writer tthat's not bad!  And by report writer, I mean, I'm not gonna do the research-- that's the researcher-- and I'm not gonna read out loud what the news was-- that's the Reporter-- I'm just the report writer.  The middleman!  I get the news from the people collecting the news, put it into context with a fun spin that'll keep the viewer/readers coming back, and pass it off to the guy where you're gonna get the news from! I getcha from here to thereHmm not a bad direction to have my life turn out.
    A
Anyway thinking about seeing a movie this weekend cause I need an excuse to ask my dad for a 20 dollar bill because I need a new botle of alcohol and not enough time has passed since the last one I got for my Dad to not really get on my csae that I'm drinking too much so I need to do it on the Down Low.  Right?  Sure.  What kind of crap can I see.  Ready Or Not-- nope, not ready!  what else ya got.  Morgan Freeman Is President And His Friend Tries To Protect Him From Danger-- yeah sure maybe.  GGuess I can still watch Good Boys.  I just don't like how it would presumably make me feel old.  Also, it just seems weird to be a 30 year old man going to a theater alone and be like Oh Man Look At Those Tweens, All That Sex Stuff They're Getting Into Trouble With!  I can't get enough of this!
    That's how the movies at today's box office make me feel.  Anyway, gonna be eating lunch in roughly an hour to an hour 15 minutes.  I got that going for me for some reason!  Hey I do still have a pretty good surplus of Beer.  So what!  Get off my back about it is the point! Anyway, I don't know exactly who is reading it, or what my general demographic is, but based on Search Results From Search Engines, crazysheet.net has been taking off!!!  Started out, if you google crazysheet, you'd get a link on the 2nd or 3rd page that was months or years old.  Now, the updated preview of the page is roughly a week old!  And it shows up at the top for crazysheet! TAKE THAT CURRENT CRAZYSHEET.COM, WHICH IS SOME SORT OF FOOTBALL GAMBLING WEBSITE.  Also, GET OFF MY WEBSITE I HAD THAT ONE FIRST.  Don't be claiming no squatters rights I know the law I AM THE LAW.
   
PretPretty much my inner monologue the last year or two of my life. Oh, how does it consume me...  Anyway, giving maybe 2% thought to thinking about applying for Grad School somewhere for something again.  Would be for starting in the Fall 2020 semester.  Doesn't seem right to go this long, and pay people to keep me occupied.  Getting a job makes a little more sense. W hen they pay me which in the end is the end goal of Life, right?  Anway. I was thinking about it-- and I'm 100% uninformed about this-- but as far as I could tell, this is a good way of conceptualizing capitalism vs socialism.  Capitalism, you literally just make money by making someone else(s) even more money.  Be it an individual person or a corporation or whatever.  Socialism, you make money by providing a good or service.. right? sort of... but then again, I dunno.  Also, PLUS, in my concept of Democratic Socialism, there are things which we have to pay for in our current system that would be guarenteed as human rights whether you have a job or not, like universal health care, etc.  MAKES SENSE TO ME.
   
Wait a minute.. you want a system which ideally puts an emphasis on and maximizes the public good, and provides a decent standard of living to literally everybody?  And not a system where you exist soley to make me even more money?  THAT SOUNDS WAY OFF!!!  That'll learn 'em, that'll learn all of 'em.
  What else is going on.  Also, I'm not a full blown socialist.  I'm sure there's a happy medium there somewhere.  Which would probably be easier to find if I decided to educate myself by reading things and crap, rather than just spouting off nonsense that vaguely sounds like it makes sense.  Sounds good, but whose got the timeAnyway, what else is going on.  Also, I dunno if using money is exclusively for capitalism  [I mean, the word 'capital,' in capitalism may just mean yea we use money, I dunno!  But I think its more that it puts the priority on,"capital" rather than something else... like, I dunno... people <"SOCIAL"ism>]... anyway the point is I'm Totally On Board With Money!  I don't think we shuold have to barter!  Or be given rations of whatever by some higher power!  Money is real useful!  Let's use it just like we have been!  I just don't think there should be such insanely extreme wealth inequality!  And, also, I'm definitely on board with some people making more money than other people!  I'd like to be one of those people one day!  It should just be to a reasonable degree!  Another 5 blocker in the books.  Will resome in a little bit! 

To learn more about Michael's Ideal Economy, send cash or credit to Some Place or someting I dunno I gotta go be back later.  Also, I came up with an acronym yesterday that I wanted people to start using on the internet, but I can't remember.. OH RIGHT.  JFWY.  "Just Fucking With You."  Not a phrase we use all the time, not as of now, but if people were thinking about it as a common acronym, I think you'd see it start to pop up a lot more often, because in our language economy, if you know there's an acronym out there on the internet, you're gonna alter your conciousness and thinking/communcation capacity to want to use that acronym and force situations where that acronym would come up.  Anyway, that's the conclusion to Michael's Ideal Economy As Told By Michael When He Was 30.5, as opposed to whatever he believed last month and who knows what he will believe next month.  It's a Photograph! 

 

-12:22 P.M.

 

Talking About Socialism?  On a Website?  I'm Not Sure If That's Legal... I Better Contact The Authorities...
   

  Is it really talking about Socialism if I'm just wildly speculating on what Socialism means?  Yes-- in fact, you just described the process in which 98% of people Actually Do talk about socialism!  Alright I'm in the 98% club!  See you in Hell, you 1 out of 50 losers!  Enjoy your company with the 1 other guy whose like you in a group of 100!  JERK.  I actually did take a class in Socialism [actually, may have been Communism.  I forget for reasons you will soon discover] in NYU.  I took it because my friend relayed to me that he gives everyone 100 (or an A, whatever the grading system was) no matter what.  They could show up to lecture or not, whatever.  I think I went a couple of times at the beginning of the semester, then stopped.  There was a final paper that was supposed to be like 30-50 pages, and the guy I was friends with had written a 100 page paper the previous semester (He liked socialism/possibly communism, what can I say), and I was stil scared to just not hand in anything, so I just took my friend's 100 page paper, erased a bunch of it, then handed it in.  Got a 100.  Or an A.  Or whatever.  Pretty sure that story is insightful or emblametic or The Shining On The Facts and possibly egregious or superflous Magical Realism Skizm in one way or another.  Just dunno what it means.
    I think there shuold be an explicit school of writing where it's emphasised that the writer has no idea what he's talking about and the reader has to figure it out.  Honestly, I'm being serious, it's a true dicotomy for people who write, right?  Either you're writing with the intention of whatever it is your intention is... or it's just throwing shit at a wall and being confident someone else'll figure it out.  And that hopefully it'll resemble something that makes sense my accident.  Somethin to think about, Acedemia!  Certainly don't be thinking about the excesses of capitalism, why bother!  I dunno, crap and crap.  Here's a pun I must have made here before becaus its such a stupid thing that's the exact kind of stupid thing that makes me laugh.  The word SOCIALIST... divide up the syllables, SHO CIA LIST!  Of socialists, presumably.  That not only sums up my retarded sense of humor, but also my retarded ways of thinking about playing with the written word.
    What else, lets get back on track.  Still haven't put Lunch In The Oven cause somethin's holding it up.  Once that happens, I got 45 minutes or so, then Eat That Shit!  2nd Half of last nights dinner.  2 lamb chops, half a Yam, some stewed zucchini, and a stuffed mushroom.  I don't play around!  That's why I like money.  There's no money in society, whats gonna stop you from being like nope you're eating Oats for dinner.  Tomorrow, Oats for breakfast, Oats for lunch, Oats for dinner again!  No, we still have money and supermarkets and we still have variating discretionary money to spend, just like now.  Just hopefully somewhat less of a distance between the economic classes.  Also-- here's my promise-- No more having to show your ID to get groceries!  Yeah.  Remember when Dummy said that thing?  Oh boy.  Anyway.  Remember a few weeks ago, after Mueller testified, where there was a few seconds we were like alright Impeachment Train leaving the station with or without Nancy Pelosi!  And now its a month later and I guess the train is only 1/12th full because they haven't taken off yet and are presumably waiting for more travellers.
    Mussolini wouldn't be having any of that!  I don't care how many people are or aren't on the train, Mussolini famously said to a conductor, it's my reputation on the line and I'm here to make the trains run on time!  GET GOIN'!  The point is Mussolini wasn't all that bad.  Here's an interesting thought exercise-- assuming you're a reasonable person and not interested in defending Hitler or being on his side-- say one nice thing about Hitler.  Just sort of as an exercise is humility and communication and good spirit. I can't think of anything.  Oh!  Well, Hitler, I've never seen your art... but I'd be interested in seeing it!  I'm not gonna commit myself to like it, or being on board with it at all, but you've peaked my interest-- that's a good quality, right?
    15th paragraph.  Asssuming we don't count that weird last paragraph of Block II which, looking back, has all the makings of a rgular paragraph, but for some reason is Center Aligned and in all italics.  I dunno, I should count it as a paragraph-- but I'm not.  Just don't feel right!  If Capitalism is so perfect and socialism is so evil, how come every example Republicans and Conservative Democrats make against socialism-esque programs or policies are in bad faith?  Every argument they make for a lot of these issues are clearly based on lies, or are gaslighting, or are irresonsibly speculative... I'm just sayin'.  You wanna convince me that you're right on an issue-- don't insult my intelligence-- convince me with your suppose-ed true and honest logic whic has you convinced and with a genuine, shared respect for all people and humanity!  That's how I feel about things!  What else is going on.  Oh this block is over!  WONDEFUL

12:49 P.M.  

 

Finally!  My Lunch Is In The Oven!
   

  I've been waiting hours for this.  Made myself so sick.  Honestly, I wish I stayed asleep today.  Anyway what else is going on.  I think a good 40,50% of the appeal of Nitro Cold Brew as opposed to regular Cold Brew is that its intended to be drunk while sitting it instead of sucking it through a straw.  Really taste that smoothness and whatnot this way.  16th paragraph.  Might as well see Good Boys this weekend.  Ready or Not is getting great reviews but someting about the trailer just rubs me the wrong way.  Also, a movie or two ago, I saw a trailer for the Downtown Abbey movie, and I can honestly say without hyperbole-- worst trailer I've ever seen.  Ever.  Nothing happened.  As far as I remember, the HIGHLIGHTS of what happens in the movie, as a trailer is-- the characters are like So how have you been.  And then someone's like I think I'll take a walk outside.  Then there's a short scene of people drinking tea.  Then it's like People are coming to Downton Abbey!  And someone's like We knew this day would come.  And then that's when the birds start flying into the windows.
    I dunno, something like that.  I've always thought DownTown Abby would be a good nickname for a girl named Abby who enjoys oral sex.  Either way!  It cuold be her downtown, it could be her suitors!  Or both, whose to say!  Anyway, what else is going on.  Food'll be ready in 40-45 minutes or so, I guess.  I dunno.  I think Downton Abbey is just a scam to make American people think British people are boring.  Not sure what the end goal of such a scheme would be, but as far as I can tell from my own experience, that's all I've gained from the franchise.  Jesus Christ Nothing Ever Happens.  You know, basd on that 90 seconds of it I've seen?  What else is going on.  Gotta colonoscopy and a sleep study to look forward to next week.  Not in that order.  Never heard back from Comedy Teacher about booking me for the New Talent Showcase.  Guess that just turned out to be a Phantom Opportunity.  As most opportunities turn out to be, in my experience.
    18th paragraph.  Figure 25 overall is most likely.  Hopefully finish up this 5
Block.  Pretty sure that's the first time I've used that symbol on the computer.  It's gonna be the next big thing!  I gotta bring back Gang of Nine.  I'm gonna go a Gang of Nine at the end of this entry.  Oh Happy Day!  Anyway.  Not speaking hyperbolically -- Trump and Trump-like Republicans are signifnatly closer to Legitimate All Out Fascism than I am close to Legitimate All Out socialism.  Not even close.  But calling them fascist isn't PC and calling someone with the views I expressed as some sort of radical off the wall bullshit is expected. Somethin' to think about!  Or don't think about it, see if I care!  I'll think about it enough for the two of us!  I'm not thinking about it right now-- too busy ranting-- but its a safe assumption one day I'll come back to this entry, read it relatively carefully, start thinking about it, and then repeat that process several months or years later, so in the end, I'll have thought about it twice, and that, like I said, covers both me and you.
    Alright!  For some reason the first half dozen DVDs I tried to play on my computer, but the next dozen haven't worked.  Still feel like it's a 60-70% chance it's just been luck... some DVDs will work, some won't, and I just happened to get a string that do work in a row, and now have gotten a string that won't.  Or there's a 30-40% chance computer waslike ya know what no more DVDs.  I'm not on board with you watching Barry Lyndon again, not right now!  Sweet.  19th paragraph.  Food is ready in ~30 minutes.  May even take a 10-20 minute break after this block is over while waiting for food!  Or not do that!  The possiblities, oh my friend, the possibilities!  Anyway, Mets have been killin' it.  And they have a lot of fun players to watch.  I have no TV, though, so I can't watch it, but presumably should they make the playoffs I'd be able to watch that.  Either on my own TV by that point, or with Family during Family Time in the Family Room.
    I dunno.  Anyway, there are a lot of micro-variations I've come across with dealing with a diet where I just sort of vaguely keep track of staying more or less with the right amount of eating each day, as opposed to keeping meticulous track.  But one that really comes to mind is there's a lot of meals which, doing no reasearch, you'd assume, well these are about the same in calories, right? but then internet says they aren't.  Internet says there's a considerable discrepency.  And you're like, well then I'll stop getting that similar meal thats more calories, I'm no dummy.  But now that we're not being meticulous about keeping track, we can go, hey I'm gonna start eating that other food because it just feels like its on par with that other food I get that... uh... I SWEAR THIS MAKES SENSE>> PLEASE BELIEVE ME.  Alright, gonna take a break for 1/2 hour, take food out of the oven, write another 5
∂.  Peace out!

-1:19 P.M.

 

The Ground Round Friends
   

  Get it?  Like the resturant I used to go to as a kid?  'The Ground Round?"  Man you must be some kind of idiot to not get That Reference Exclusively From My Life!  YEAH HEY HOW ABOUT THAT IT ACTUALLY WAS A CHAIN RESTURAUNT.  Like 100 locations at its peak apparently!  So maybe I do have some Ground Round Friends out there!  Hey, how about this-- you e-mail a story of you going to The Ground Round to mankindguy@gmail.com and I'll pick the top 5 stories and put 'em up on the website!  Okay, this sounds fun!  I'm happy now!  JEEZ another thing to make this title confusing-- it was a play on words from YESTERDAYS title.  So much confusion!  So much complication!  So much condensation!  So much capitulation!  So much consternation!  I'ma be honest, I wrote this paragraph right afte the last block without taking a break.  I really am gonna take a break Right... NOW HERE I GO

[just took legitimate 20 min break]

    Hey guys whatsup. IYou were just ranting about socialism and I just called the cops they'll be there any minute.  Oh well such is life!  Ya win some, ya lose some!  I don't know if its brainwashing, chance, or both, but for some reason, I'm like "Karl Marx?"  Nah that guy sounds weird, I dunno if I wanna be board with a guy with thats name.  Probably 80% brainwashing, 20% just nah that name just rubs me the wrong way.  On the ohter hand, my ideal character in The New Monkees-- Iam St. Marks.  Marks, Marx-- pronounced the same way-- but totally different meanings basd on spelling!  That's how I feel.  I can see the name being relevant in a few different ways, but the main thing that made me think of it was St Marks place near NYU.  Also, this is a great example of the delusional stuff that occupies my BrainSpace-- Elliott Smith's self titled album, the first track (Needle In The Hay) ends with the line you aughtta be proud that I'm getting good MARKSSSS.  And the last track on the album (The Biggest Lie), the third verse starts with you turned white, like a SAINT.  HOLY SHIT ST. MARKS ELLIOTT SMITH HAS FORETOLD MY ARRIVAL ALL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!
   
Someting along those lines.  That's unfotunately a 20-40% accurate view what goes on in my MindSpace every now and again.  Also, I know from Apple Music there's a musician named Billie Eilish, and I was always like, lol like Billy Elliott I get it but then I was watching LIVE with KELLY and RYAN and some guy made a passing mention to her and pronounced her last name differently.  And I was like Wait Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat.  Anyway.  This was while I was in the waiting room for my psychitrist.  Also, true observation-- I've been hospiitalized in mental hospitals four or five times throughout my life, all lasting from 2 days to 2 or 3 weeks [the last time was over 7 years ago, so don't worry about me, I'm good]-- and I think the most deterimental thing they do there is constantly have a TV on.  To shows like LIVE with KELLY and RYAN.  I don't care how crazy you were when you get there-- after wathing that kind of programming for several days or weeks on end-- you're gonna be MUCH worse off than you were before.  It's a vicious cycle.
    I dunno.  I like eating a late lunch.  It's like holy shit dinner ain't that fa away I don't need to waste so many discretionary calories in-between.  Hey what else is going on.  Sometimes I think about why Elliott Smith chose to change his name to Elliott (was born Steven/Steve), and my best fan theory is its a reference to E.T.'s friend.  That's the main Elliott from real life or pop culture that I could conjure up-- and I've never even seen E:T!  But I do find it interesting that the kids name is
ElliotT and then the alien is ET.  Somethings going on there and one day I hope to find out what it is but I'd probably have to watch the movie first just for reference and I'm not sure if I'm 100% on board with that!  Anyway, definitely gonna see Good Boys tomorrow, so I can get a 20 from my Dad without arousing suspision.  Then, the goal is, hope I have enough money already on me to get a large size bottle alocohol, then figure out how to hide it when I get into the house, then, well, then, drink it at my own discretion! that's the fun part!
    Cool.  I mean, my parents are upset, but okay with, me buying alcohol on my credit card.  But I just did that a week or so ago, so there are limits to everything!  Anyway, I dunno, what paragraph we into.  I don't like how much AMC Theaters let us decline in our chairs.  It's frankly ridiculous the options they're giving us, it pretty much reaches the point where we're horizontal to the ground.  Now, sure, you wanna hire a cheap hooker, take her to se Angry Birds II, have some quick discreet sex, that's great for ya.  But that's not my situation!  And if things aren't my situation why accomidate them at all!  Don't they know they should focus on accomdating me and my situation?!?!
    Cool.  Dunno what I'm gonna do for dinner. Got half a corn beef sandwich and a coup of matzohball soup.  Pretty good dinner, maybe a little on the light side, but certainly servicable!  We'll se and what not.  Trying to get in the habit of having smaller breakfasts to accomodate more discretionary calories later-- may have talked about this yeterday-- I forget.  Instead of eating 400 calories worth of Chocoplate Chip Pancakes of French Toast or Belgian Waffles, I'm eating a 200 calorie pop tart. And so far, its going great!  I can honestly be at Maintence Diet comfortable with this new routine not including the times I drink alcohol.  And who can rememeb that.  I forget what happens when I drink alcohol, goes to assume that my body will physiologically forget, too!  No consequences all around!  Wonderful and crap!  WHAT THE HELL 26TH PARAGRAPH?! I WAS GONA STOP AT 25 AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET!
   
Sometimes I think about not really paying attention to current music, other than the half a dozen or a dozen bands I liked as a kid who are still doing stuff.  And I think about how one day all this backlog is gonna catch up to me.  And I will be completely and totally overwhelmed with all the music I have to listen to.  Oh well, life is full of ups and downs.  And maybe some of that music will be Ups!  And maybe some will be Downs-- but you know what? -- sometimes you want your music to be Downs.  That's how I feel.  That's why earlier this week I registered the domain name thedowners.bandcamp.com.  I figure theuppers has treated me well, maybe by just making that website, it'll motivate me to do a new round of music, where I can start all over with my inspiration and coherentness between songs and mission statement of what to go for with the music.  We'll see how that goes!  HUH 27th paragraph still.  I meant to start a new block before this paragraph.  Figure I'll do that now, and then 5 paragraphs more seems just about right, DAMN even-ned-ess and Multiples of Five-d-ness

 

I Write A Lot of Bullshit.  No One Is Really Sure Why
   

  I guess.  27-28 paragraph or so.  Wonderful!  About 30% left of lunch to go, then its walking!  The good news is, while I haven't really enjoyed beer lately, I have enough to continue getting myself drunk at lesat for today.  Anyway.  I know it's kind of a hacky take that smart people don't pay attention to, that maybe in the end Trump was a good thing because he encouraged people to pay attention and realize whats at stake and all that stuff.  I don't know if I believe it-- I probably don't-- but it's a nice thought to entertain.  I think it was addressed immediately in the SNL episode after the election with Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle.  I think part of what they addressed was that idea that white people are like its gonna be so bad no way they'll ever let it happen again or get worse.  And Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle just roll their eyes.  But, I dunno, maybe!  Solid 10,15% chance it leads to something better, right?
    The thing is, that it is, and always will be, a constant struggle.  You can't just sit back and hope everything will work out.  Gotta get some skin in the game yourself!  That's how it works these days, and hey, maybe we [really great dope people] wouldn't have fully realized that without Trump!  The point is what else is going on.  ANYWAY GREAT NEWS-- SWEATER WEATHER.  Still only 2/3rds into summer, so it won't be like this from here on out, but for today?  GOT TO WEAR A SWEATSHIRT JACKET!  LIFE HAPPINESS ACCOMPLISHED!  Anyway.  Left over food I have -- half a corn beef sandwish and a cup of matzohball so-- I already siad this didn't I.  Typing matzohball soup ignited a sense memory from 10 or 20 minutes ago typing Matzobahh and not being 100% on board with either using the "H" or not.  So that settles that! Sometimes I feel bad for Eminem releasing a promo song in 2004 that was anti- Bush, "Mosh" and Bush still won.  I can't even imagine what that did to Eminem's self esteem.  MProbably was the impetus for him to write his Fourth in Four Part Series of INTRODUCING HIMSELF songs.  First was Hi My Name Is.  Next album was The Real Slim Shady.  Then was Without Me, and then in the album in question, Just Lose It.  And the last two, I think are safe to say, are also allusions to Lose Yourself: The Song From The Seminal Motion Picture.  But anyway even beyond those iconic songs, tehre's just a lot of random songs on his first few albums that say his name.  Song called Marshall Mathers on the Marshall Mathers EP.  Song called I'm Shady on the Slim Shady EP.
    Look, the guys a great lyricist, and at differnt times in my life I could safely say he was my favorite music artist-- but get a differnt sctick than just telling us your several names!  We as loyal fans deserve it.  Also, if you didn't want to meet me after the show you didn't have to, but you could have signed an autograph for Matthew.  That's how I feel about MNM.  I was thinking about his motivation for the name Eminem recently, and, yeah Marshall Mathers was probably the impetus, but when you think about what an MNM is, its candy coating on the ouside, chocolate in the inside.  So on the surface it's the musical equivalent of candy, but inside, it's chocolate (and does it being chocolate have a race-tinged element, becuase most rappers are black [which you could argue is the color of much chocolate]  The point is I've given us all a lot to think about, but in the mean time, if Eminem wants to clear these things up my email is still mankindguy@gmail.com I'm here if he wants to set the story straight!
    Ugh.  Is it just some quirk of humor behavior, or some sort of animal instinct that goes back millenia, that for certain foods we all agree we prefer eating them off the bone.  Spare Ribs from Chinese Resturaunts, often offer it On The Bone or Off.  Maybe its just my family, and that's all I've been exposed to, but I'm willing to guess most people are like well yeah gimme them bones its fun to chew 'em off.  So, that's someting to think about for some reason.  What paragraph are we into.  32nd paragraph.  Figure I can end this at any time now.  Yesterday was freakin' forty if I counted correct.  I guess ya'll just can't shut me up.  Well, you could.  Pretty easily, too.  But you haven't yet!  I'd like to imagine the first person to eat at an American Chinese Resturaunt a century ago, who got a fortune in his cookie, and he's like WHAT SORT OF DEVIL IS THIS?!?! I WAS EATING A COOKIE AND THEN SOME BLACK MAGIC COMES AROUND WARNING ME ABOUT MY FUTURE?!?!!?
   
Seemslike almost a joke.  Which makes me happy.  15 paragraphs about uninformed socialism that may slightly provoke intellectual discussion?  NOPE.  Guy being freaked out after being exposed to a fortunie cookie the first time?  YUP!  I dunno, 33rd paragraph, 35 is the way to go!  Two and a half to go!  Then I take my walk!  Then the rest of the day is Up In The Air!  I'm a little disconcerted that, while I know eye contacts must only be put in one way, and if they're inside out, that won't be good and will be very uncomfortable-- I often get them on my finger randomly, put them in my eye to see if it ffits, and it always fits and is comfortable enough.  Which means I'm either INSANELY GOOD at acciently putting them on the right way, or I'M PUTTING THEM ON THE WRONG WAY AND MY BODY HAS UNFORTUNATELY JUST LEARNED TO ADJUST.  Either way don't tell my optomestrist or optician or you know what just play it safe and don't tel anybody.
    T
Two paragraphs to go!  Wonderful.  I'd say 75% of the time I write a new entry its to try to erase the memory of the previous entry.  I'm sad now, though. S o little alcohol left.  And no easy fixes to get more.  II mean, I can just get another bottle with credit card.  The bill won't come for nother 3,4 weeks, so just not think about the consequences.  Or, I can see Good Boys, pocket the 20 dollars I'd get for Soda and Refreshments, then take it from tehre!  That's the plan of action as of now.  Wonderful!  Or, just drink this useless beer I got from the supermarket.  If it's so useless, whyd o I keep getting it.  Maybe one day it will cease to be useless.  LIKE NOW.  It's a back up, that's all it is.  Oh ok that makes sense I guess we're on the same page!  Alright sometimes responsible discussions end up that way.  Let's have a cigarette to celebrate.  NO I DONT DO THAT ANYMORE.  Ha almost tricked ya!
   
LAST PARAGRAPH PROBABLY!  Well, it's the 34th if you don't count that weird paragraph back in Block II.  35 if you do. Rght ow I'm counting it.  So I do this, take a walk, get back int I Dunno I'll Figure Something Out.  Oh-- read the Martin Short book!  I like that guy!  He always makes me laugh the .2% of time I see him on TV. Dunno if thats slander or a compliment.  There's a lot of TV out there, so to be on TV 1/500 times the TV is on.. I dunno, that's pretty good.  Middle tier, I' say.  I haven't watched TV in months.  All the more reason to read the book!  Kurt Cobain book is a good one to flip around with here and there, not necessarily read from start to finish.  I'vI've already glances at the pages where he wrote the lyrics to In Bloom and no mention to me or, "Korn," or anything.  Although if the band Korn decides to cover In Bloom at some point, alarm bells are going off and now I'll know This Is Weird!  I'll see ya later.

-2:41 P.M.

 

 

Thursday, August 22, 2019

Gather Round Friends!
   

  I suggest you start at a Gastros Anonymous.  Preferably one where you've already got friends.  I GET IT, says the voice in my head.  Yeah!  HeadVoice is on board!  Wonderful.  Two hard stuff about getting that joke.  1) gotta figure out that there's an intended pun in the title, "Round Friends."  2) Gastros Anonymous isn't a thing.  You gotta understand that Gastro is a prefix having to do with food/eating/digesting/stuff like that.  3) Gotta assume that round people are probably overweight, giving their body lots of extra curves, curves being round, and come to the conclusion they're probably overweight because they're addicted to food and hence would be right at home in a GA meeting.  Alright, now that we've covered all the bases there, I think we can finally feel comfortable moving on with this entry together on the same page.
    Yeah!  Spell Check still on the fritz.  Don't even know for sure if, "fritz," is technically a word and/or if its spelled correctly.  DAMNIT HOW DID PEOPLE WRITE WITHOUT SPELL CHECK.  I dunno, oh well, great, what else is going on.  [just took a walking break].  You may not be aware of this, but in those campy 70's Kung Fu movies exported (or imported?) from Japan and other Asian countries, they always hired the same Voice Over actor to insert the sound effcts of fighters preparing for battle.  You know, lik, Waaaa whil making a menacing formulation of moving their hands around for intimidation.  And this guy was so good at his job they called him the WaaKing.i  THmm missing an, "L."  No, Walking has TOO MANY, "L's."  Waaking is the ccorrect way to spell it.  You never go to your friend a priest, a rabbi, and priest WAAAULLLK into a bar.  My favorite part of thhis entire rant was, a priest, a rabbi, and a priest.  The second priest is no different than the original priest!  Not as far as we know!  Wonder what kind of crazy implications that would have on the set up, exposition, and punchline of the joke.  I CANT WAIT TO FIND OUT ONE DAY!
    Hey, hey, what can I do.
  Also, in this generic Trope of jokes, are the priest/rabbis/uhh.. Hindus? friends and they know each other and they entered the bar together?  Or is it a thing where its really strange that all these three guys showed up at just the same time, kind of a weird coincidence.  I'd like to think they're all frends and active partcipants in the town's inter-faith community.  On the other hand, they may know of each oter, and harbor a lot of ressentment and bad feelings, feeling the other two are encrouaching on their terf.  Which is against Most Bibles.  Thou Shall not Encroch on other peopls terfs or somethin.  Hey whassup Moses PENSI PENIS PENIS haha made you write it. I was thinking about it, and is Pokemon pretty much encouraging kids to view slavery as fun?  Pocket Monsters must be captured from their wild homes, you trap them into some sort of ball after literally fighting them with another pocket monster now under your control until the wild pocket monster is too weak to go on, then you trap 'em in a poke-ball ad call it a good day.  Only to have them recover to full health, and then you force them to fight the next wild Pokemon, and the process repeats itself.  Maybe its not technically slavery unless ths slaves emobody intelligent thought-- but I dunno-- some pokemon are pretry smart.  Either way, at best, it's analogoues to dog fighting.  Which is illegal and immortal and ppl get in trouble for it.  And it is that, really, more or less  THIS HAS BEEN CRAZYSHEET ON THE ISSUES.
   
Also, is thee any percent chance, 20 years from now, white people will have hidden slaves, and when the authorities find out, they're gonna blame it on Pokemon?  Obviously this guy was mentally ill and took Pokemon a little too seriously-- lets not be too hard on him.  Something along those lines, I guess, Sure what else.  A paragraph and a half to finish this Block.  Already ate lunch before the entry started.  I've got all my lunches to eat, I've got all my dinners to chew on, and now I'm saving all my breakfasts for someone who breakfasts me.  Terrific.  I dunno, drank a bit too much yesterday.  I blame the alcohol.  I think it would an interesting thought experiment to ask someone pro NRA standard responses to gun control... SShould we try to control the proliferation of nuclear weapons?  Just to see if they go, nuclear weapons don't kill people, people kill people.  And if you outlaw nuclear weapons, only the outlaws will have nuclear weapons.  And the point is I should be able to carry a nuclear weapons with me wherever I go!  Supermarket, The White House, wherever!
    USA USA USA!
What else is going on.  I saw Sean Spicer is gonna be on Dancing With The Stars and a lot of people are unhappy about it.  I'm reserving judgment, just on the chance that it ends with him winning Prom King of Dancing With The Stars and then the producers and other cast members dump a bunch of pig blood on him.   Now,  sure, the chances are that won't happen.  But if it did, people would recognize for generations as one of the best things TV has ever done.  Ever!  Not hyporbole-- it's be that good. Somethin' to think about, ABC Guys.  I think my favorite part of that riff is Sean Spicer has no discerable talents at anything, an especially not telekineses or anything, so it would be like the climax in the movie, but he'd just stand there and take it for 15 minutes not doing anything while everyone else just laughs and laughs and laughs.  No consequences at all!  The dude's worthless!  And then he'd be like, dejectly, softly, just under his breath still more dignified than working for Trump.

 

Don't Bother I See Through All The Scams
   

  I was thinking about how the Mets have been doing really amazingly the last few weeks and at I was like oh good that'll make Guys Like Me happpy.  But then I realized its a scam.  The better The Mets do, the more money the entire organization will make, and if they're doing good statistically, the more money they'll make for their next contract.  I know a scam when I see one.  I wanna see a movie this weekend but the only good one is Ready or Not.  And I'm fully in the Not category!  Got great reviews on Johnny Rotten Tomatoes Bystander, but based on the trailers I've seen, nope not on board.  Surprised after the first time I saw the trailer and had that reaction, they didn't just pull the advertisements and admit defeat.  But, hey, they decided to Go For It anyway, and I admire the moxie-- still not gonna go see it in the theaters, though!  I'm a man of principles.  Well, Vice Princaples.  My Father was a Vice Pricipal, so you could say I come from a Stock of vice principles.  HEY GENIOUS PUN -- VICE PRINCIPLES -- FUCKIN OXYMORON.. not a straight up oxy moron but an interesting... thing.  YES I DID IT I WON THE PARAGRAPH!
    I
I was listening to some WEird Al last night and I'm relatively comfortable saying Jurassic Park is his worst parody in the world.  Definitely in the bottom 10%, I can say that pretty much without reservation.  But, on the other side, the original song Skipper Dan keeps getting better and better to me whenever I hear it.  When I first heard it back in the day, it was cute and charming, but the older I get, so does my affection for the song.  Also I figured out a Life Hack where I had been often getting Steak & Seafood combinations from Diner to split betwen 2 or 3 meals.  But there's only a limited choice of combinations.  Now, I realize, just get any straight- steak/assorted other meat entrees, get an appetizer of stuffed mushrooms-- it's a Do-It-Yourself Extravagent Eating All The Time!  I'm some sort of genius or someting, lets get on board with that as soon as possible, right?  Sure.  I'ma take some sort of break now.  Be back Later.

--- also I would be remiss to not point out that my Dad was always reffered to, as far as I know, as an ASSISTANT Principal, not VICE.  But I have heard the term VICE Principal throughout my travels, with it signifying the exact same job, so-- close enough ---

    Here's the biggest scam of all-- I'm sick of there being files on your computer which are analogous to other files and the other files your computer is like ok we can read those but the one you have its like nope gotta convert it to this similar file and I'm like I can't the trial membership for that program is over and the computers like sucks to be you and I'm like you're a freaking computer c'mon I'm sure you could figue out how to let me use MP3s intead of WAV.  How to watch a DVD without downloading a superspecial video program and not just Windows Standard Thing.  Does raise an interesting theory, though-- when computers and algorithms do finally become self-aware, and thus devise someting resmebling self-determination, I wouldn't be surprised if the first difference we see is Computers Getting REALLY Passive Aggressive and going over this argument with me with zeal.  And instead of me playing the part of the computer in this little dialogue, this is what will actually happen once computers are smart.  Just really look, sir, these are the rules I'd love to accomodate you being lazy and untechnologicaly advanced {SNORT-- NOT!} but sir no matter how much you coplain we can't change how computers work.
    That seems like some sort of comedy riff, right?
  Again, only mined for a C- humor, but you get some good comedy minds working on the premise that First Truly Intelligent A.I.'s main characteristic is being passive aggressive-- That's An Amusing Premise!  One day I'd like to see someone write those jokes.  Oh well, what can ya do.  You hear a lot about passive aggression, but not so much of what afflicts me and presumably countless others-- Agressive Passivity.  It's a serious prblem!  Don't laugh!  It makes everything I do in life Much Much Harder!  Anyway, speaking of, "Don't Laugh," I'm willing to wager that 75-80% of the hundreds if not thousands of song titles I've ever wrote contain some sort of Punnish Language, but one of my favorites is Promise Not To Laugh.  And in my mind I think of it as Prom is Not To Laugh.  Like, take prom seriously!  Specifically, I guess, the experience of getting a prom date, and the notion of attending the prom itself.  Yeah we've established I'm a weirdo let's move on with the program.
    The closest I came to getting a prom date was I was with a class with a girl sernior year, who, despite all odds, actually talked to me, and at one point she asked are you going to the prom.  And I was just like no.  With no wiggle room just on the off chance she was scouting me as a potential suitor.  Just a nope.  90% chance she wasn't, but if she was, I MUCKED UP YET AGAIN IN LIFE NOOO!  Finish this paragraph, start a new block.  When I was a kid, I was so unaccostomed to just roaming hte neighborhood, ideally with friends, that I remember when I did some remedial camp counseler work when I was in 6-8th grade, at the elementary school literally a half block from my house, it was like wow I'm actually working to work, this is quite the trek!  Pathetic.  But at least I had a job!  Well, I don't know if you cn technically call it a job-- becuse I never got paid.  I showed up 95% of the days, but on the last day, when they pa ya, I didn't show up for some reason.  WHATTA IDIOT.  I mean, it would have been like 20 dollars for the whole process, so, sure, whatever.  I tink I did it because it would look good on my Permanent Record.
    Pretty sure I've talked about this non-interesting stage of my life before.  Two main memories was one little ASian kid really liked me, that was nice.  And another is reading JUrassic Park while the class was doing someting els with the teacher.  Maybe that's why I don't like Weird Al's Jurassic Park-- strayed too far away from the original.  Sometimes I think about my Fake Band Name The Uppers and I'm like hey that's sort of like Nirvana.  Ya gotta keep going up spiritually to get to Nirvana or someting, right?  That's how it works.  So I'm the band that's gonna get ya there.  Alright!  I have real conflicting theories of the quality of my music and comedy.  Well, music especially.  I feel like I can judge my comedy writing relatively one step removed, and see what's worthwhile, whats almost worthwhile, and whats probably a snooze.  But, music?  I can listen to a song and tink holy shit that is a real song and it was me who did it ALL ME!, and then a month later, holy shit this is the wors thing I've ever heard in my life... and it was me who did it ALL ME!  That's Uppers for ya! 
   
Anyway, settling into a relatively sustainable diet/exercise routine which isn't overly obsessive and is relatively easy to stick or more or less.  Basically involves eating a smaller breakfast, which leaves more room for snacks throughout the day, and basically by my calculations I'll maintain weight on average every day I don't drink.  So basicallly I will just gain what I drink in calories.  Which ain't so bad!  And also no more walking in circles and keeping charts of calories consumed and burned and whatnot and What else is going on.  Hey my Colonoscopy and Sleep Study are next week!  Not in that order!  Tuesday night I show up in a Fake Hotel and they attach me with things and then I go to sleep then they do weird things to me in my sleep or something I don't have all the details.  Then I go home!  Then, colonoscopy the day after I get home!  Which means I won't be able to eat for a long time, cause I'm not supposed to eat during the sleep study, and by the time I get home the next day, can't eat before Colonoscopy. W hose got 2 thumbs and is gonna lose half a pound?  THIS GUY.  Well, hopefully.  I hope there's not a two pound tumor they remove, because my guess is that'd have bad implications for my overall healt.  I think the phrase whose got two thumbs and... is needlessly cruel to all animals who don't have opposable thumbs.  How do you think you're making them feel?  Don't be such a dick!
    Cool.  Drank a lot yesterday, so far have only drank 80% of onw 12 oz can of beer.  Gonna step it up a bit, but so far, so great.  13th paragraph.  I hope the inside of my ass isn't filled with shit.  I mean, I know the outside is okay.  I wipe that shit all the time.  But the inside?  I usually make a bit of an effort to get in thre a little bit with some toilet paper, but there's only so far I can go!  Oh well, I guess that'll just have to resolve itself.  The point is Starbucks was very excited to let me know they now have Nitro Cold Brew.  Which is Cold Brew Iced Coffee combined with Nitrogen or something which alters the taste and texture.  I dunno why they thought I would be particularly excited bout it-- I AM-- but how did they know?!  Only problem is you can't get it in a large size.  So a lot of good that does me!  Hey 13th paragraph Only 2 more then presumably can start a new block.  The Gang of Nine comic strips, as remedial and stupid and retarded as they were, were actually pretty good practice for coming up with a script for anything with a bunch of different characters.  Just dumbass names like Happy and Quick Silver which supposedly mean someting in regards to their character?  I Dunno?  And then they have to answer what's your favorite color? and it's a cross between 50% nonsense, 30% genuine answers, and 30% 'funny' answers that pertain to their supposed charaters.  Oh-- and even though they don't relate explicitly, you can see implied relations between them based on comparing one answer to another.  I kinda get the feeling thats what writing an ensemble sitcom is like.
    I also kind of get the feeling I've got a lot of problems.  Dunno why this just came to me, but I was thinking about musicians who turned out to be different than how I thought they would be.  Example that made me think of this was Bradley Nowell from Sublime.  When I was in high school, Sublime was one of my favorite bands-- just really chill, often relaxing (but stimulating, too), blah blah whatever.  Now I see he was kind of a Bro.  Like, not a Frat Guy Bro but a Punk/Ska Music Bro.  Which really influences how you approach the entire catalogue of music.  That's why its my theory artists should never have personal lives because they owe it to us, their audience and consumers, to imagine and operate under the assumption they're exactly whatever we want to imagine they are.  It's the only responsible way to do it!
    15h paragraph, new block after, I'm So Excited!
  Still haven't heard back about that New Talent Showcase at Carolines.  Looks like that might not happen after all.  Oh well-- it was fun while it lasted!  And it has made me think, ya know, why not.  Go do some open mics.  I got the video of my performance, I watch that 2 or 3 times I'll have it memorized enough that I could do it without thinking too hard... why not?  ItIt's an interesting conundrum because, all that being said, I'm also a very lazy and insecure man so I need to take that into consideration when planning out my future.  Sometimes I'm kind of pissed that the one song I wrote in NYU that I actually gave to a girl and was like I made this song thinking about you (Or someting like that-- I forget exactly how it went) (AND-- I don't know how true it was that the song was about/for her-- I was writing a lot of songs-- and she was on my mind a lot-- but that song, if I remember correctly, was probably just as much about her as the other dozen songs I was writing at the time-- as far as I know)-- and anyway that's the one complete song that I don't have a recording of or complete lyrics remembered.  Kinda egregious and superlfous!  CHECK MINUS MINUS.   

 

Hmm, Yeah, Ok, Sure, Hi
   

  You can say that again! Ok... maybe later.  We'll find out together!  I also had a great spiral notebook packed with song lyrics, random philosophical musings (Really-- I was into Wikipedia Philosophy for a while), random drawings-- anyway, a lot of cool stuff-- and my mom got rid of it a year or two ago.  Whatta jip.  Just goes to show ya, folks-- everything creative you ever do will be gone at some point.  It may be gone after a few years becaus your parents assume its garbage, it may be gone in 100 years because our current forms of art are obsolete and irrelevant to future-modern life, and it may be gone in 1000 years cause hey ALL HUMANS will be gone in 1000 years what makes you think your bullshit'll stick around.  DAMN I HAD SOME COOL SKETCHES IN THAT BOOK.  THERE WAS THIS ONE WITH A ROBOT STANDING ON HIS HEAD AND THERE WAS A LADY READING THE NEWSPAPER NEXT TO HIM.
    Also-- I think we'll be aound in 1000 years!  I dunno what capacity, but I'm not so pessimistc to think we'll be gone completely.  Alright Humanity Is Back On!  Let's party by looking at brief notes for a potential podcast and each of the 8 planned episodes have themes and 3-4 songs I like picked out already to play throughout each episode which go along with the theme.  That was from the spiral note book, if you couldn't figure it out.  You can figure it out now, though!  Made it really easy for you!  By saying it explisitly!  17th paragraph.  Figure I'll take a walk after 20 or 25.  Or between.  Probably in that bracket of possibilities, though!  Great!  I wanna passive aggressive robot.  Maybe that's a good idea for Amazon.  Basically, a service that's essentially the same as Alexa, but instead of just being able to choose different accents for her, develop fully formed personalities and character traits.  Alexa, play the new Beyonce song.  Beyonce?  Girl, let me tell you something.  I'm BEYOND BeYonSay.  I'm onto some new crap lemme turn you on to this new music.  Not only is it good because it's like having a unique friend who talks uniquely but now she's also helping with giving you music reccomendations!  This is a million dollar idea!
    I haven't read it yet, partly because laziness and partly becaus its depressing, but this NYT 1619 thing, I'm 100% behind from what I can gather.  I'ma toot my own horn and say that, back when I was going into Social Studies Education, I kinda conceptualized as the show Roots is closer to the history of America than, say some sort of Founding Fathers thing.  Saying that makes me seem Woke AND Cool but its true.  But reading the commentary and reaction to this project just re-inforces those feelings.  Slavery wasnt just a blip in our country.  It was our country.  And it's never been fully addressed.  And if you want to truly understand and care about ALL Americans right now, seems logical the place to start is At The Beginning and how this all started, right?  Again-- I'm a jerk-- spouting off without reading the thing.  But, hopefully I'm getting the spirit of it 70,80% right?
    Obviously there's a big big difference between being brought here as slaves and immigrating on your own volition to subpar conditions.  But, take those two together, and you'd be insane to argue that those two experiences which, for most of us, describe most Americans' ancestors, aren't the general American Story.  Not ToJo and GoWash and BenFrank's kids.  I'm sure they exist somewhere and are doing stuff.  But the idealic version of America is the story of people coming from all over and, hopefully, finding freedom, opportunity, and A THIRD THING.  The point is whatta snooze and also as little qualified I am to write jokes I'm even Less Qualified to write non-joke bullshit.  SORRY!  Dismissing account of slavery you are in very real terms saying slaves (or descendants of slaves) aren't as American as the people who kept them as slaves.  We shouldn't sully the memory of the founding fathers who had slaves, we shuold ignore the memory of the slaves and act like they didn't exist or were unimportant.  Remember-- Founding Fathers = True Americans, Slaves = Not People Worth Talking About.  TODAY that's what we're arguing about.
    ITS A LAUGHRIOT A MINUTE ON CRAZYSHEET!!!  But,But, again, I haven't read this project, and most of the reaction is that right whing people didnt lke it and smart people defended it, so it seems like great now we're just arguing again.  But hopefully it will prove to be a seminal moment where History Teachers Like The One I Almost Was will come away from this moment and use this sort of thinking as an impedus to cover American History in a better way.  Certainly a possible outcome!  So, who cares what dumb racists say on Twitter-- it's doing its job-- even if we don't read it-- we'll read it some day, I promise-- I took a class in African American Literature History I Kinda Know Some Stuff Like This!  Anyway.  I know people say Virtue Signaling like its a bad thing to be ashamed of, but, no way!  HEY GUYS I DO HAVE THSE VIRTUES OF EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING AND EQUALITY I'LL SIGNAL TAHT STUFF TO YOU GUYS ALLLLLLL DAY!

 

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Read Titles Again...
   

  I'ma nice guy!  I'm very upset that Trump has discovered me and 75% of other American Jews don't have dual loyalty to Israel and/or don't consider Trump to be our King.  I spent the last four years trying to hide those facts, but here it is, all out in the open!  I saw a poll that said 1/4 people think Obama might be the anti-christ.  So, that means basically, 1 in 2 Trump suppoerts think Obama might be the antichirst.  I assume there's only a very small number of Obama supporters who think he might be the anti-christ.  You think someone's the anti-christ, most likey you're gonna support the other guy, that's my theory.  The point is I haven't had Lamb Chops in a while but you know what I might have them tonight!  Lamb Chop was my first Lame Claim To Fame.  My Kindergarten teacher was best friends with the lady who had the Lamb Chop Puppet on TV at the time.  We were all really jealous.  Honest question-- is it weird that for the second half of the 20th century, and presumably into today, there's a whole genre of shows for children which revolve around puppets?  Is there someting in the production values of creating children shows that make puppets especially desireable?  Are they cheap?  To they translate well on TV?  I dunno these answers, that's why I introduced this with Honest Question.  Tell me your thoughts @ mankindguy@gmail.com

    Cool!  Anyway, its been so long doing relatively nothing, it's now entering the season where I can AGAIN start thinking about Grad School if I wanna do that.  About as good an idea as it was last year.  Around this time last eyar, I was pretty gungho about it, but I slowly lost my interest as time went on.  So, I dunno.  If it was a Film/Script Writing program, I think that'd be the bees knees, that'd be cool.  But I'd have to find an affordable place in NYC that I can get into!  So I guess I'll do some reasearch on that, gotta do someting, right!?  RIGHT?!! WHY DOES NO ONE EVER RESPOND WHEN I Go, ", right?"  I dunno, what else.  My other Claim To Fame from those years were there was a jerk in my class whose mother was briefly in the Guiness Book of World Records as the Fastest Talker.  Like, she could say however many words in 60 seconds, whatever it was.  All the Moms were really jealous of that and all the star treatment she got around the school.  Pretty sure I was being fecitious wiht htat, but what do I know, maybe they were jealous!  If I remember correctly, she was a lot younger than the other moms, so they probably actually were jealous of her, for different reasons!
    And her Jerk-Son claimed to have been on the Conan o Brian show as the world's youngest comedian.  But this guy was a jerk and not funny and I guess just being in a show biz family got him that job.  Musta been like Conan's first year on the air.  Musta been 1993, 1994.  Anyway that's what started my lifelong Hate of Conan o' Brian.  And the Guiness Book of World Records.  And Young Mothers.  What else is going.  Now that I tink about it, its weird this kid may be the only one, or one of very few, that I've never seen any updates on what the Hell happened to him post Facebook.  Once Facebook started, you can see a bit of what all the jerks in your life are or have been up to.  Haven't gotten a glimpse of this guy!  Maybe he changed his name to John Mulaney and is tearing up the Comedy Circuits!  That's my best guess but that would mean he was like 13 when we were in Kindergarten which is possible because it was a class for gifted kids, so if an intelectually regular strengthed 13 year old mixed with us 5 year olds, we'd be on about the same level.
    Hey what else is going on.  I like Today so far!  I think it's cause this morning I was like you know what I'm gonna pop 2 Klonopin.  And, guess what-- Great Success!  I'm havin' fun.  Being relaxed is fun, is what I mean.  I dunno.  I was htinking about it, and my Mom REALLy fucked up encouraging me to go to Stuyvesant in 2002 as opposed to the very simliar, also exclusive admission-test-based Bronx igh School of Science.  You may remember in September of 2001 there were these big buildings that fell down.  You may or may not know that tehre was a highschool about 2 blocks away.  And, in the next years class, of this totally voulentairy high school, was ME!  And my Mom actually wote me a computer letter urging me to pick Stuy instead of Bronx Sci (Which most of my middle school friends were going to, so that was one thing I was considering, even thou Stuy is more prestigous)  So I ended up going to Stuy but if I ever die of any suspicious injuries, I'm stapling the doctor's bill to her forehead and going thanks mom ya killed me.
   
I dunno, I shold be ok.  A Year is a pretty long time for that nonsense to dissipate throughout the atmosphere, right?  Probably?  I dunno.  The freedom was also pretty appealing to me.  Ithink the first thing was it being prestigous, but I also liked how okay it in New York, take trains and whatnot, they let you out during lunch and free periods, just walk around, do stuff, sounds cool.  Of course, if you have no friends the first three years, that greatly limits the amount of Cool Stuff you can do off campus-- but I didn't think about that ahead of time!  The closest thing to a Cool Thing I Did Outside The Building was play Texas Hold 'Em with a rotating cast in the park right next to Stuy [Battery Park?], on a granite type table made for chess.  I feel like it makes sense for, over time, to embellish this aspect of my high school life ot make it more and more impressive as I age.  When it was actually happneing, it was great mostly because I finally had friends and social stuff to do during Breaks, and I made some money.  I was probably the 2nd best player out of all of us.  But, 50 years from now, I'm sure the story will be I WAS TAKING ALL THSEE RICH KIDS MONEY I WAS THE BIGGEST HUSTLER THE WORLD EVER SEEN EVERYONE KNEW YOU DONT MESS WITH KORNBLEEZY.  That last part isis true-- someone used to call me Kornbleezy.  And you can take that to the bank.
    Went to the bank earlier today.  Dad had some stuff in a safety deposit box he wanted to get out.  That's all I'm allowed to say for now.  Also, why does Stuy supposedly have a lot of rich kids?  Admissions are merit based.  OH YOU FOOL!  WHAT A FOOLISH FOOL YOU FOOL YOURSELF INTO NOT THINKING YOU'RE A FOOL.  Dunno if I ever talked bout this, but I can pinpoint the exact moment of peak embarassment in my Stuyvesant Career. And there's a lot to choose from. This is what comes to mind-- was Senior Year, in some sort of history class, and for some reason, that I guess was relevant at the time, the teacher was like can anyone do a Mickey Mouse impression?  And, I, out of character-- no one would expect me to say anything cuase I never said anything, I kept to myself, in this class at least-- Iw ent for it!  And I was like ACHEM HI IM MICK-- and it was just WAY OFF and some people laughed and other people booed and the teacher shook his head and wrote in red pen in his book and mouthed, "you suck."
   
So that's what Stuyvesant is like.  Hey, that's a ogod idea for a book.  Exploit my factually mundane experience in a rough and tumble highly prestigious high school known throughout the land.  But format it in a way that implies its interesting and captivating and worth reading!  To be honest-- not a terrible idea. I could see myself writing an adequate book covering those bases and it being published.  But I know I'd be cheating because in Fact nothing interesting or captivating or meaningful happened.  Oh well such is life.  Now, lets think about this.  Maybe there's a way of writing it that maintains this sort of tone that I've developed on the crazysheet.  And I wouldn't necesarrly have to over-embellish stories and themes too much.  Just a little! We'll put that in the maybe pile.  Anyway, what else is going on.  27th paragraph?  Figure I'll take a break, write another 3-8 after I get back from walk.  See ya later.!

 

Nothin' Is Better Than Nothin'
   

  I guess.  Rejected Title For This Block Of Entry-- So It's Like I'm Sayin To My WEbsite It's Like I'm Sayin.  Gotta wonder if using this other one is gonna pay off in the long run!  Whatever.  Also, no joke-- there's a 20% chance the Principal was in the room for my Mickey Mouse Impersonation.  I know the teacher was a brand new teacher, and there was one day that the principal came to observe, which I remembe for an alternate bad reason.  For some reason we were talking about alcoholism and I guess I was sort of a libertarian-type-guy back then and I felt compelled to join the discussion and be like c'mon its not a disease its just will power etc etc.  The point is Yes Of Course I Was Wrong but the other point is The Principal DEFINITELY Heard Me Be Wrong and, even worse, possibly Heard me Attempt To Do Mickey Mouse Voice AND FAIL LIKVE I'VE NEVER FAILED BEFORE-- AND I'VE FAILED TWO ACTUAL, ENTIRE CLASSES IN STUYVESANT BEFORE!!!  Anyway this principal had to step down several years later because he was complicit in some sort of cheating scandal or something-- I don't have all the details-- but that won't prevent me from slandering him with the few details I can grasp at.
    Also, his name was Mr. Tietel.  Pronounced TY-TELL.  TITLE.  Gotta wonder if that had a formative effect on me at that young age.  My guess is probably!  AAlso my Dad was friends with the Math AP because he was a Math AP from another school and they all were friends and would go on adventures together.  I dunno, something like that.  One of the most egregious (Superflous, one might say) example of beurocracy, for lack of a better word, that I've been personally exposed to, is that, at least 15-20 years ago, in my Dad's time, assistant principals got paid less per hour than teachers.  Overall they'd make more, cause they worked more hours, but even with the MUCH added responsibility and within-the-hour workload, they're actually making less.  Cause the unions were seperate.  And I guess the teachers' union was more powerful than the AP union.  Somethin' to think about!  Not sure what it should encourage you to think about, exactly.  Byt think about it, then think about what you should be thinking about based on thinking of it originally!
   
My take away from today is either hey I figured out a great scam to start taking klonopin to take the edge off man oh man am I gonna abuse tha and do it every day or hey I realized I need to take klonopin more often and will thus do it in a responsible fashion, as it was actually originally prescribed, once a day, to take the edge off.  Exact Same Feeling-- Two different ways of interpretting it!  Anyway.  Well, maybe I wanna take 2 Klonopin at a time, just to make sure the edge is really taken off.  OK GRANTED DO WHAT YA WANT BUT NOW WE'RE SOLIDLY INTO THE REALM OF VAGUE IRRESPSONSIBLITY. Okay I can live with that.  II think there was that book/movie about a kid who goes to a mental hospital and meets Zach Galifanakis and a girl, and I think the kid who wrote it went to Stuyvesant.  So the point is WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS TAILOR MADE SUBJECT MATTER FOR ME YOU PIECE OF DOUCHE.  I dunno.  Sometimes when I think about The Larger Community of Stuy Grads, as you would like IVY League Schools (like business ppl -- oh you're a Yale Grad?  Lets make some super secret deal to screw over other people cause we have this college connection)-- it does exist to some extent for Stuy and assorted schools-- but my interpretation is to make it cover all New York City Specialized/Prestigous public Schools.  Anyone who went to Stuy, Bronx Sci, Brooklyn Tech, Hunter, etc.  We're all a team now.  Especially my exact generation.  NYC Special Kids!  That's My Team!  Cuase I got lots of problems believe you me... needing a team of special guys... what the what.

 

So It's Like I'm Sayin' To My Website It's Like I'm Sayin'...

    Hmm so I was able to use that as a title after all!  Huh!  Everybody wins!  ANYWAY the A-Team is Chris Hayes, Nicki Minaj, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Immortal Technique, ME, Awkwafina, ... so on and so on.  Those were hte ones I kinda knew off the top of my head but I'm sure there's others that I'm aware of and will be proud to welcome into the team.  Also, I'm President of the Team.  Team was my idea, I nominated myself president before the team came into existance, thems the breaks!  I originally thought AOC went to Brooklyn Tech, and qualified for the team, but it turns out she does not qualify for the team, which is a real bummer, cause she would have been our best member.  But, if she's okay with it, she's still A Friend Of The Team.  Also, my brother went to Hunter, but he ain't never done shit.  Once he gets his act together, he's on the team, too, sure.  But for now?  Still gotta prove himself.
    What else is going on.  Chris Hayes and some others just make the team, on the borderline agewise.  Gotta keep The Team in one specific generation, otherwise it looses all its meaning.  ANYWAH TIME TO MOVE ON WITH RANTING.  I mean, the main point is, I wanna get together with Chris Hayes, Nicki Minaj, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Immortal Techniqe, Awkwafina, and maybe my Brother and just see what happens!  You think I'm joking, but we probably have some shared exprience in some respects that we could each relate to.  TEAM!  Alright I'm really done now with talking about the team, what else is going on.  Also-- I'm gonna be honest-- I'm gonna invite Eevery hot girl in my 2006 graduating class from Styvesant to join the team.  They may show up at the meeting, they may not, but it'll be worth it.  Some of these ladies are smokin' hot.
    Hey, another paragraph.  33rd.  Guess 35 is the way to go, unless I get there, and feel like more is in store.  Jeez.  An interesting cut-off point which would RIP THIS TEAM APART is pre/post 9/11.  Cause, obviously we're all from New York.  And Stuy specifically is right there.  So, I guess, I dunno.  Who cares!  Probably someone, but I don't know them, and they're too timid to ever contact me as I was the someone who cared way back when about that thing you forgot about please understand this.  Sure, sure.  I should be getting my next 2 books any day now.  One book which advertised itself as Kurt Cobain's private journals.  Which made be like 1) MAN THATS LIKE A TREASURE TROVE OF INSIGHT INTO STUFF! and also like 2) MAN THATS AN EXTREME INVASION OF SOMEONE'S PRIVACY AND RUDE TO READ SOMETHING THAT WAS NEVER MEANT FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION.  But the 2nd book is an autobiography by Martin Short.  So I can't think of any misgivings for reading that!  Alls well that ends well and so on and whatnot.
    I was sure I had read AOC went to Brooklyn Tech.  I guess its just cause she won some Science Prize which I had heard of, and would have associated with someone who went to Brooklyn Tech, but, nope, didn't go there.  And her being on The Team was the most exciting part!  But, anyway, I don't mind her Hanging Around with the team.  She's the right age-- she's got the right credentials w/o the actual school-- and she'd be raising our profile hugely!  So maybe I can expand The Team to include some more riff raff like AOC.  Somethin' to think about.  Hey the Mets have been on a hot streak lately! So has the Earth!  GLOBAL WARMING COMMENTARY.  You know, of all the huge worldwide cataclism problems that the biggest Bible Stories were about-- this is It.  This is the one real life version of Noah and the Flood or whatever.  Is that insightful?  Or educational?  Or motivational?  Better consult the team.  Got 'em all on speed dial... AWKWAFINA YOU THERE?
   
Someting along htose lines.  The point is I've been burning through this bottle of vodka I got a week or two ago way too quickly.  No good!  I'll have to buy the next one with cash so that my Dad doesn't get the credit card bill next month and is like you bought these two bottles of alcohol one after another almost?  Well, I disown you as a son.  You can go live in the park.  We'll check up on you from time to time.  Something along those lines is how I think that interaction would play out.  I'm sure there's 2-12 The Team Prospective Members that I would fall over my face to admit to the team, that I'm just either forgetting or am unaware they qualify.  OR, they're people I don't know yet, but once I meet them and am aware of what they're all about, I'mm like, okay you're DEFINITELY team material.  Also, apparenlty I'm pot committed to calling our ragtag group The Team.  Sounds good to me!  Pretty straightforward!

 

I Like When You Count Things And The Answers Are In Numbers
   

  Five paragraphs to go I guess.  Even 40.  Not 100% what conspired to make me write a Double Entry today, but such is life, I guess.  Also, OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT-- I'm disbanding the team.  NO Team exists as of now.  If the purported members of the team are interested in forming the team, we'll have to do it together.  I'm not gonna force anyone to be on a team they don't want to be on.  So NO TEAM RIGHT NOW.  Just me.  So lonely, I'm ever so lonely.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Comedy Class Teacher never got back to me after I told her I'd be excited to perform in a New Artist Showcase at Carolines which would potentially lead to a New Artist Showcase ad NY Comedy Festival.  So my guess is she found better optoins than this jerk who is me.  But, sitll, it has made me think, maybe go out there and so some open mics.  I'd have to actually watch the video I have of my performance, because if I watch that a few times, that should make it 99% easier to remember what I had to say.  So, sure, why not, get out there, do stuff, alright! 
    What else.  Probably my biggest gripe with life the last 2-4 years is Pizza Hut Specials that aren't very Special at all.  Their standard prices and deals are absurdly expensive, and they offer you deals which made it moderately more reasonable, but even with these deals, still kind of a scam.  I guess PIzza Hut must know what its doing, exploiting its Pizza Hungry Base, but its bad for society as a whole and I'll write an angry letter about it to someone as soon as I can figure out who to write it to and how to write.  I get a lot of e-mails from Eric Holder, the AG under Obama, about fighting Gerrymandering.  Guess what school he went to?  STUYVESANT.  Too long ago, though-- can't be part of the team!  We might invite him on special occasions but he's not a true member no matter how hard he tries.
    What about someone like Lucy Liu.  She went to Stuyvesant.  She's young enough that I used to masturbate to her when I was in Stuyvesant but still clearly not in my generatoin.  YEAH I WENT THERE.  STRAIGHT TALK EXPRESS MOFOS.  I think if Styvesant didn't have escalators, they would be relinquishing their top spot of Specialized High Schools in NYC just like that.  I know when I went, I knew it was the most covvetted school from those tests, so it must be the best, but I visited it, saw escalators, and I was like HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE FUTURE.  ALL THESE ESCALTORS FROM CLASS TO CLASS FINALLY I FEEL LIKE I BELONG AND THIS IS WHERE I'M MEANT TO BE!  AnywayAnyway, unfortunately only two more paragraphs to go after this.  Then, who knows?  A lot of crap one would imagine.
    Hey, how about that.  The rest of my night may be crap, but I'll probably have some lamb chops a little bit at some point for 5 minutes.  Makes sense to me.  I wish I could continue watching DVDs on my computer, but every time I triedto watch one after The Shining it wouldn't work!  Maybe I've just been trying the wrong DVDs or maybe my computer has finally just had enough and isn't on board with me enjoying myself idly!  Hmm.  Great.  I dunno.  Anyway, it's Thursday, and I guess you know what that means-- more alcohol tomorrow!  Gotta drink something on some days and whatnot.  It'll all work itself out over time, c'mon, don't worry be happy.
    Time to wrap it up.  Was this entry what I intended from the beginning?  No-- I intended not a lot from the beginning.  More or less just make this Not Bad Enough that it ruins peoples' opinoins of my permanently and unrevocably.  Just let it be almost adequate that'll keep people feeling well there's a decent chance Crazysheet will get it together at some time in the future, this hasn't been a complete dissapointment.  That's life I guess.  The point is there's two people in The Team that I'd really like to have sex with and its up to you to figure out which ones they are!  That's not rude, thats just how we in The Team communicate.  Very honest and straightforward.  For more information about The Team, contact mankindguy@gmail.com, I don't mind helping you understand what we're all about.  Anyway I'll see ya'll later.  Peace out home slices!

-5:04 P.M.
 
 

 

 

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

We Gonna Make This Wendsday Count!
   

  I dediced to spell Wednesday the real way.  What kind of jerk dictated "we gonna spell this 'wed-nes-day' when we clearly don't pronounce it that way at all?"  Some BIG kind of jerk, that's who!  Also, 'when's day?'  'I dunno, when it ain't night!'  CLASSIC.  To be honest, I've never in my life had a conversation with someone where they just go Hey It's Wednesday as a non sequitor.  Then its like,  "Hey, so it is.  Interesting topic!  Let's talk about how its spelled and whatnot."  "GREAT IDEA!  I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS OF THIS.  FOR STARTERS..."  I have no idea whats going on.  Maybe you do.  That would be good.  Was watching The Shining on DVD yesterday.  The wife's name is Wendy which I believe is a hidden reference to Wendsdays.  Anyway, this is one of the only times I was watching The Shining without commercials and being edited for TV, and it turns it from a hey this movie is good enough to watch idly into a hey this is a classic movie lets get Really on board with it.  The pacing is totally different this way!  Plus, there's suddenly Cussing!  Cussing.  Ugh.  I was raised to use the word, "Cursing."  Never have said, "Cussing," in my life until just now.  How about that.
   
One big plot hole in that movie is that I never liked the term shining.  The guy goes, Hey kid some people have telepathy or premoniions or stuff like that, and some places are haunted and stuff.  Me and my grandma call it, SHINING. To me that doesn't seem like an appropriate word to use.  What does shining have to do with telepathy and/or places being haunted?  NOTHING, that's what!  Jeez.  Anyway, on my note pad, I have a random title idea that appears to be Oily Seaweed.  After some deep consideration, I realize the first word is probably Only but I can't for the death of me figure out the second word/words.  Anyway, if seaweed is such a weed, how come we eat it and not smoke it?  Pretty big plothole when it comes to seaweed.  I think when I was a kid, I don't know why I was exposed to seaweed on a semi-regular basis, but I always considered it in the group of common vegetables kids don't wanna eat cause they taste weird.  Broccoli, Some Second Reference, Seaweed...  Looking back, huh I don't think anyone else considered seaweed in the top teir of that category.  It wasn't as commonplace as I thought.  I don't know where I was gettin' seaweed from.  Can't think of getting it from a restuarent, or getting it from a supermarket, or getting it at School Lunch.  Somewhere Seaweed was being funneled into my life and I can't for the death of me figure out from where!
    Jeez.  Morning Block of Paragraphs.  How about that.  I think my least favorite part of Doing Walking is being 5-20 feet behind someone/someones and feeling uncomfortable walking right behind them at similar paces, which we often are in advertendly, because that's the obvious correct pace to walk for anyone.  So I'm basically on their tail indefinitely.  This happens pretty often, all things considered.  My main mode of dealing with this is I'm just gonna speed up for however long it takes to get in front of them, stay at that speed for another 15-30 seconds so that they don't put two and two together and think ok he was just being a jerk walking that fast to get in front of me and now he's in front of me but I'm behind him at the same distance he was behind me so the only thing that's changed is our relative positions to each other.  No, if I stay Walking Quicker for an extra 15-30 seconds, I put some distance between us, make it more worthwhile.  But anyway it's a real lose-lose situation.  And I feel like, especially with females, and especially during the evening/at night, and especially in relatively empty areas, I have to do it.  It's creepy to be on a lady's tail for an indefinite amount of time, right?  What else am I supposed to do other than Speed Up For A Minute?  Seems like there shuold be some book of Walking Etiquite that addresses these problems.
    I guess.  And, also, yeah, it's also weird to do this Speeding Up To Get Ahead Of Someone, too.  It's weird if I do it, its weird if I don't do it.  WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?! JUST GIVE UP AND WALK BACK TO WHERE I CAME FROM?!!!  Big plothole in life.  Anyway.  Figure I got 2 paragraphs to go for Morning Block, chill out for a bit, take a walk [no one better be walking near me those theoretical jerks!], write some more while eating lunch, do some other stuff, walk around and see what happens, and then take it from there!  The point is the writer Stephen King is the second scariest Steve King around!  No one's ever made that joke/connection before!  IM SOME KIND OF A GENIUS APPARENTLY!  It's about time, better recognize.  I wonder if, before he died, Stephen Hawking was friends with Stephen King.  You know, famous writers (albeit of different genres) who are in wheel chairs AND have the same first name.  My guess is yeah of course they were friends.  My review of A brief History Of Time -- "Speaking of time, this was a waste of mine!  NOT BRIEF ENOUGH.  CHECK MINUS MINUS"  I like the idea of critics reviewing seminal scientific breakthroughs as if they were mediocre pieces of fiction.  Survival of the Fittest?  WHATTA SNOOZE.  THIS DARWIN GUY HAS NO CONCEPT OF CREATING A CAPTIVATING NARRATIVE... THERE'S SO MUCH INHERENT CONFICT AND CHARACTER DEVELPOMENT IN THIS PREMISE BUT DARWIN DOES NOTHING TO KEEP US ENTERTAINED IN AN OVERLY-COMPLICATED STORY THATS BOUND TO OFFEND YOUR DELICATE SENSIBILITIES."  Hmm.  Somethin' by Einstein.  Somethin' by... I dunno, that's enough I guess for this riff.  YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT BETTER!
    I got things to do, buddy.
  I'm so sick of Stephen hawking his crackpot scientific mumbo jumbo.  Read that sentence The Right Way dummies...  I guess.  What else.  I wonder if it says something about our generation (our collective generations of all generations currently around) that one of the guys we regard as The Smartest Guy Around Lately and presumably Came Up With Some Revolutionary Science Stuff... I'm willing to wager 95% of us have no idea what his revolutionary science stuff was.  I know it had to do with Space and/or Time.  Maybe touched on black holes or something?  That's all I got, and I'm a pretty smart and well informed guy!  If I don't know any more than that, I'm sure most people don't, either!  And the point is, when Darwin was around, my guess is people at that time could be like ok, right, evolution, survival of the fittest, I am aware of and understand this stuff whether or not I agree with it.  Meanwhile, for our equivalent, we're like oh right theres this guy who is supersmart or something apparently and is now disabled [and is now dead, I know that much...].  Something about the universe, who really knows what.  What Else Is On TV.    

-10:17 A.M.

 

U Title?
   

  Sure I am/do/huh? ON THE REAL, THO-- SURE I['m] TITLE!  SOmething along those lines-- I Dunno!  Hey, what else is going on, it's a new block of paragraphs.  Just took lunch out of the microwave-- chipotle.  Drinkin' some DayDrinkin' today-- alcohol!  I had gone a solid 3 days without drinking, which is pretty good for the last few weeks.  Or, pretty bad.  I'm a lot happier when I'm drinking for some reason no one can explain, so when I'm not drinking, that ain't good!  Anyway, 2/3rds through Maggellin Ism Skizm Realism by Gabe Markie-- its going okay!  It's become work to read it, but I don't mind.  And by work, I mean, i don't look forward to reading it, but I Do look forward to having read it.  I'm pretty much pot committed at this point to reading all of it so one way or anohter I have to finish it whether I like it or not.  Such is life, I guess!
    WOW A NEW PARAGRAPH NEVER THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAPPEN.  Took some stuff to the laundromat earlier this morning.  Gonna have to go to the laundromat in about an hour to retrieve it.  That's how Life Works!  First you take stuff to get cleaned by someone else.  Then you wait a while!  Then you go get it back-- and now its cleaner than before!  And you pay them for the privledge!  Life.  Jeez, what else is going on.  Finished watching The Shining this morning.  The same stuff happened that Always Happens whenever I watch it.  You'd think theyd mix it up here and there, right?  Nope.  Always the same stuff.  I think Jack Nichelson's character is a pretty good role model for struggling writers.  I assume he's struggling.  Frm what I could gather from the exposition, he's never really had any success as a writer.  They mention he used to be a teacher, and now he's trying to write.  So pretty much the impression I got is this guy ain't no writer, he thinks he is, but reality paints a different picture-- he's some sort of poser-- that's probably why he went  crazy and wanted to kill his family-- they knew the truth that he was no good.
   
Right?  And also, I think Shelley Long's character isa pretty good role model for a wife/mother.  Hey do that stuff she do I dunno I can't relate I've never been a wife/mother as far as I know.  DDanny's a good kid, too.  I think he deals with his superpower in a real charming and subdued way.  Good for him!  How come the first two people were acknowledged by the actors' names, and the third was the character name.  I dunno but it's a real interesting question!  Someone should write some sort of disseration on it, as soon as we figure out the exact definition of disseration!  ALSO BY SHELLEY LONG I CLEARLY MEANT SHELLEY DUVALL GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  I've come across in my Studies that Kubrick wasn't happy with Shelley Duvall althroughout the movie [Hey I made up a new word-- 'Althroughout!'] which has tainted my experience of watching the Shining.  Also tainting it-- knowing Stephen King was unhappy with how the movie turned out, knowing that Kubrick hid from the actor who played Danny that it was a horror movie, and the fact that the whole time Jack Nichelson thought that it was a beer commercial.
    Great, just great!  I think it's 100% possible I made up and imagined an entire scene in the movie that doesn't exist.  I remember there being a scene where the Lady In The Bathtub [sometimes a young attractive lady, sometimes an old scary lady] intereacted with Danny.  But from what I can remember, every time I watch it on TV lately, I never see such a scene, and in the version I just watched on DVD, there was no scene with that.  So I'd say there's a 80% chance the scene does exist, and forwhatever reason I just keep seeing versions without it, or, no scene exists, and I'm just Crazy as Sheet, makin' up imaginary scenes in my brainmind.  But, still, just watching the scene where She interacts with Jackie Nichelson, I dunno why that scared me so much as a child.  I guess just something about an old naked lady laughing menanicly, and it being implied she's a ghost, and it taking place in a bathroom-- I dunno, it all combined to be relatively traumatizing.  Great, just great!
    12:48 right now-- gotta leave at 1:30 or so to Take Back Laundry.  Still got 75% of lunch to finish as of right now.  Great, just great!  How long have I been talking about The Shining.  It feels like forever.  Great, just great.  I've been listening to my music [The Uppers, and also the one Live Album I have of my really old songs] on headphones lately, and it's a lot of fun!  Whole different experience on headphones compared to on Phone Speakers and also on Computer Speakers.  I have a wierd thing, though, I always listen to it 1 person removed.  It's like I'm listening to it as someone listening to it that isn't me.  Cause I got lots of mental illness, get off my back about it!  The Real Point is yesterday I had only a bagel w/ egg whites and A LITTLE BIT of lox for dinner which is a real light dinner all things considered so, in this case too, GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  In fact, just everything I ever say or happens in my life-- GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT!
    yeah!  Anyway, jeez.  Hey it's the 11th paragraph.  Guess I'm not starting a new Block for that, and just continuing the old one. Anyway.  I subconciously think, whenever contemplating Kubrick's Directoring Ouvre, he's thinking, hey I wonder what the next good Kubrick movie owuld be, is his inner monologue.  Like, Yea I'm makin' all these classic movies, what's next in teh line of Kubrick Awesome Movies.  Seems pretty logical to me.  I think I read that AI: Aritifical Intelligence was actually Kubrick's idea and he intended it to be a collaboration between him and Spielberg.  The point is Kubrick anticipated Haley Joel Osment.  Haley Joel Osment is the only celebrity I kind of intercted with on a regular basis.  My freshman year in NYU, there was one Dining Hall which was two rooms-- one like 10, 20x bigger than the other one, and me and my friends would always eat dinner in the smaller room.  Which maybe had 10 or 20 8 person tables.  And so would Haley Joel Osment and his One Friend.  I sat facing the other way-- so I never really saw him-- but he was there, believe you me!
    Yeah!  And there's the story that I wrote in one of the last entries of crazysheet.com, back in 2007, where I was feeling self concious about being really short, and I happened to see across the subway some other really short guy interacting with attractive females, and I was like, hey I guess there is ho--- OH it's Haley Joel Osment.  Great, just great!  The point is I still have 40% of Chipotle left to go, and no matter how short I am, I still get to enjoy that to the greatest degree!  Even a GREATER degree than non-short people, one would imagine!  Wonderful, just wonderful.  12th paragraph?  Well, I'm already ~4 drinks in, might as well continue drinking all day to make the most of Drunkenness.  Only 1:02 PM, so I gotta  lot drinkin' ta do!  If I remember correctly, the summer before College Started (me and HOJO were the same year), he was in some sort of car accident or something that he got in trouble for.  PROBABLY WHY HE HAD ONLY ONE FRIEND.  WHATTA LOSER!
   
Yeah!  Jeez.  If I remember correctly, HOJO was more of an Oddity than someone who people were in Awe of or anything.  It was more like, hey this celebrity is here for some reason isn't that crazy.  Instead of, Oh Man This Great Actor Who Represents Our Generation Is Here Let's Respect Him.  For better or worse, I dunno.  Such is life!  Oh-- one other Kind Of ineraction with HOJO-- I was friends with a girl who claimed (probably honestly as far as I know) tat she made out with him one night, and did some weird Acting Exercise where they were quacking like a duck or something.  That's as far as I know, as best I can explain it, as accurately to my knowledge!  They made out, there was some acting exercise they had learned with quacking like a duck for some reason, they did that, and someone walked in on them and was like Hey That's Weird.  The point is GREAT THIS PARAGRAPH IS OVER!
    Yah!  What else is going on.  I might be mixing up two stories.  The Girl I Know Making Out With HOJO and the Quacking Exercise, good 60-70% chance they're not connected.  But that's still a pretty high change THEY ARE conneceted!  Great, just great.  Hey it's 1:09.  And I still have 30-40% left of Chipotle.  maybe even save that for AFTER picking up laundry.  The plan originally was to Unfortunately Finish Lunch By This Artificial Deadline, but, I dunno, maybe Artificially SAVE lunch until After Finishing Deadline.  WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT.  NNo one knows for sure!   Great.  What paragraph we into.  14th.  Got 19 minutes to go until 1:30.  Figure I'll finish 15 paragraphs before hand or so, then take a walk, then fishin lunch, all the while Drinking More Alcohol!  Wonderful and great.  I saw Trump tweeted something about how he's The King Of The Jews?  Well, that's normal.  WTF.
    ya!
  One paragraph to go, with 18 minutes or so to do it!  PERFECT.  Good chance I'm gonna have a chicken pot pie for dinner.  Even getting it Warmed Up, I'm still gonna have to put it in the oven for an hour, so that sucks, but its worth it!  Cause I'm in the mood for a chicken pot pie for dinner!  Prove me wrong!  I don't think enough people have come to the conclusion that Oh Trump Is Really Mentally Ill.  Seems obvious to me, and to a fair amount of people. but it should be obvious to Most People, that's my opinion.  Figure I'm gonna take caure of laundry after this paragraph.  I'm mentally ill, too, sure.  but I'm not the president!  Nto as far as I know!  That settles that!  Hey!  1:18 PM!  That's How That Goes!

 

Fuk Dat Bullet I Dodgayada!
   

  Accidently put Silverware into the microwave when I was re-heating Chiptole after I Got Back from Laundromat.  No consequences at all!  Yea!  Anyway, I dunno why it just came to me, but there's a Chinese resturaunt called Fukuoka on my regular walk and I'm always like, NO, FUCK YOU OKAY? a.  Probably would have been more effective with taking a picture of the sign, and then making the pun, but I'm too busy for taking pictures!  I GOT STUFF TA DO AND WHATNOT.  ANwyay, yeah, back from Laundromat.  Great, just great.  The point is I convinced my parents to get Ben's Deli for dinner tonight because I'm Way In The Mood For a chicken pot pie but even after getting it warmed up I'm gonna have to put it in the oven for at least an hour and it'll be worth it overall but I'm not 100% happy with the entire situation but sometimes ya gotta live situations we're not 100% happy with because its still the best opportunity we have to be happy.
    Sure, great, why not.  17th paragraph.  Figure somewhere between 20-25 overall is the way to go.  Alternatively, watching KINGPIN on DVD was a muhc worse experience.  They way its cut on Regular TV makes it A LOT better than the extra scenes and shots when watching the complete version on DVD.  So the point is it can go either way, sure, why not.  Anyway, eatin' Chipotle.  I remember when I was in NYU, I thought I was super blessed to have Chipotle.  I knew it was a Chain Restuarant, but I, either correctly or incorrectly, assumed not that many actual frahcnises of Chipotle at this point, this is one of their flagship stations which they're banking on to make themselves popular.  In NYU territory, I'm quite literally THE target audience they need to win over to become Globally Popular-- and guess what-- they're succeeding!  I'M TOTALLY ON BOARD!
   
Very similar feeling to watching Idiocracy on the NYU Cable/Premium Channel.  NYU had its own special channel which was more or less a Premium Channel, having New Movies Which Haven't Been Released Yet Elsewhere (Idiocracy and the Tenacious D movie come to mind).  So the point is NYU Students are a covetted demographic because They're The Future Of This Great Nation Of Ours Which Is Probably Why HOJO Showed Up Here In The First Place.  My other TV memory from NYU is watching Scrubs when I never used to, and never did agan.  Except for my time a NYU.  I'M NO SUPERMAN.  Somethin' along those lines.  Oh-- also-- watching MTV music videos.  Ones that come to mind-- Modest Mouse (Dashboard) -- RObert Randoplh (Ain't Nothing Wrong With That) -- Serj Tankian (Empty Walls).
    Great, just great.  WWhat else is going on.  19th paragraph.  Feels like 25 is probably the way to go right now.  Still affording me a fair amount of time, which is good, cuase I got nothing else to do, but also isn't too long.  What's going on.  I forget.  Something was going on, I'm quite confident about that, but what it was?  I have no freakin' clue.  I wonder what DVD I'm gonna watch on my computer next.  I've narrowed it down to not The Shining or Kingpin or Ikiru or The Seven Samauari.  HEY WHERE AM I.  Writing an entry.  Lost track for a while.  Music listening and stuff, what else is going on.  Drinking alcohol combined wtih Stuff That Isn't Alcohol.  That's life for ya, I guess.  I wish I had more Chipotle to eat right now.  But I don't-- such is life.  But I may have Chicken Pot Pie later tonight.  But I'll have to wait a while for it!  I gotta wait 4 and a half hours for it to arrive, more or less, and then I'm gonna have to wait an extra hour for To Heat It Up In Oven.
    Whatta scam.  That's more or less my reaction to everything these days.  Anything that happens, my reaction is, Whatta Scam.  Makes sense to me I guess!  What DVD can I watch next?!  So many choices but also, at the same time, no Good Choices.  Huh.  C'mon, Mike, including the 20 minutes going to and from Laundromat, your Chipotle lasted an hour and a half.  Life ain't all that bad is the point,  But, still... no matter how long yuor Chipotle lasts... it could have lasted longer!  Oh well-- I still have alcohol-- that could last indefinitely! For Today At Least!  I'll run out at some point but I have way more than enough to make sure today lasts forever!  Sure, great!  What else is going on and crap!  Somethin' else one would imagine!  IDUNNO I'M GONNA FINISH NOW FOR SOME REASON  SEE YA LATER.

-2:18 P.M.
    

 

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Keep The Week Going!
   

  That's my mission statement for now.  It's now or never!  Cause the Next New Week is in ~14 hours as of now.  Of course its, 'as of now.'  What did you expect, me to go, "Hey The Week Ends In Two Days, As of Two And a Half Days ago."  Only a mentally ill sociopath would choose to signify time in such a way. And I don't play those games!  Anyway, I've ranted about this before, almost definitely on Crazysheet, but it seems wrong that we (Christian-centric society) consider Sunday to be the first day of the week-- and is the day our Christian-centric folks also choose to honor their Christian-centric customs and traditions.  Because of God and stuff.  Umm, God rested on the Seventh Day.  And now you're saying Sunday is The First Day.  Don't you realize God is busy?  He ain't got time for your prayers on Sunday!  Get back to him on Saturday,
he's got stuff to do for now!
     I assume God's routine hasn't changed much from The First Week Ever Of The World.  Yeah, his responsibilities aren't quite the same as what he was up to originally, but everyone loves a nice routine to take the edge off, so God probably follows the same schedule as His First Week for All Subsequent Weeks.  More or less.  Which, in this line of reasoning, implies the dude is busy as Hell on Sundays, he's free Saturdays though, so, c'mon, adjust accordingly.  He's God, he's got enough problems than being bombarded with prayers while he's trying to work!  I dunno-- maybe answering prayers IS his work, so it makes sense that he receives all his prayers for the week on his first day of work.  But I always kinda imagined ok God has got a lot of work to do 6 days a week, and the day he has off, that's when he answers prayers.  It's not work for him, its a labor of love.  Keepin' everything going is his day job, but answering the prayers of true believers?  That's just a hobby that he loves doing.  That's God for ya, right?
    I think believing in God (any which way you choose to do it) is a really strange character trait that we all have to extremely varying and personal degrees (or, not at all, which is a Varying Degree, right?) that is really hard to grasp unless you really know a person.  And probably have to had talk about it explicitly.  We like to think we're all the same, but, I mean, 99% of the people I meet don't share the same views as the inherent goodness in people, fate and destiny, the power of prayer, etc etc and so on.  These are real defining qualities in what any person is all about, yet we don't talk about it or anything.  And, for me, for better or worse, I just go into the world with the assumption, I Know Everyone Doesn't Feel Exactly How I feel Spiritually/Religiously/Philosophically, [... I don't even know how I feel spiritually/religiously/philosophically...] but I'm just not gonna think about it.  I'ma Be Me and whoever is on board with that is on board with that, and if you're not, well, I ain't got time to please everybody.  I dunno, something like that.
    What else.  Finished Something Like an Autobiography.  Now I'm reading Gabriel Marquez book of short stories.  In relation to Magical Realism, I find that my writing style tends to be more like Mundane Magicalism.  Makes sense to me.  Fourth paragraph.  Figure I'll write five paragraphs, then go back to Taking A Break.  Speaking of our relationship with God, I had a flashback lately to when I was a kid, say, 9-13 years old specifically, I would have an inner monologue where I just berated God like crazy.  I would be like, in my head, DUHHH IM GOD I'M GONNA MAKE MICHAEL'S LIFE SHIT AND HELL FOR NO FUCKIN' REASON DUHH I'M A FUCKIN IDIOT DUHHHHH.  That was my relationship with God for most of my adolescence.  Gotta wonder if that's gonna pay off in the long run.  Maybe it pisses God off because I clearly don't respect him, or even believe in him (Cause, sure, if I was sure God existed, I'd probably be a little bit more respectful).  Or-- maybe, just maybe-- God's on board with it!  He's like ah, this kid is a challenge.  I'm gonna bless him in super special specific ways to make him realize Life Ain't So Bad After all!  I dunno, something like that.
    Last paragraph of this block!  Then back to reading me some Magical Realism.  Gotta read something!  Anyway, this relationship with An Imaginary Friend In My Head was complicated the last few years when the imaginary friend started talking back.  CHECK MINUS MINUS!  I only want myself in my head, and we don't need to be friends, you just have absorb all my frustration with my life!  And let it go unanswered!  That's what Imaginary Friends Are For as far as I can tell!  Anyway.  I've been drinking more lately because Kurosawa drank a lot and he did pretty good for himself!  Was a successful at Career and Artistry and Not Being Overweight and also Everyone Loves Them Some Kurosawa!  So if he could do it, I dunno, not a bad Creative Role Model to have!  Started re-watching The Seven Samurai on DVD.  DVD on Computer.  Jeez that's a fun movie.  Anyway, I dunno, break time!  See ya in a bit!

-10:31 A.M. 

 

Happy To Be Here
   

  Read some more Realistic Magellanical Ism-skism.  Pretty good stuff!  It's like oh this is kind of what I always subconsciously imagined Great Writing To Be Like.  Anyway, what else is tangibly going on in my life.  Just took a walk-- got a Subway Sandwich -- A, "Subway Club Sandwich" -- which contains 2 slices of turkey, ham, and roast beef each-- with a bunch of vegetables -- lettuce, red onion, spiniach, jalepeno peppers, banana peppers, green pepers -- got the whole thing toasted because I never get that because I always get it in the morning and am waiting hours to eat it, but now that I do 4 walks instead of 3, I can get it right before I wanna eat lunch, so I tried getting it toasted -- went great!  I'm lovin' it!  Dad downstairs at the computer doing God Knows What, MSBNC on in the background.  Mom upstairs resting her precious heart ou.  And, here I am, eating lunch and doing a bit of DayDrinking.  Hey, if Kurosawa did a lot of drinking, I'm GONNA TOO.  HE IS NOW AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN MY ROLE MODEL IN LIFE, I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE IT UNTIL THIS WEEK!
    I
I can't wait to finish these Sea Salt & Vinegar PopChips and just go back to Se Salt or, ideally, Sour Cream & Onion Popchips.  I've got these useless Vinegar Flavored Chips and they're not that bad but I'd still work as hard as I can for a future without them.  Also, I know alcohol has calories, and calories are calories, but there's this part of my min that's like look I'm not over eating.  I'm just drinking every day.  Some People Do That.  Thin People!  Maybe the rules don't apply to certain people as long as they're drinking their calories instead of eating them.  Cause it's a whole different style of non-self-control.  I'm not stuffing my face full of donuts!  I'm just drinking a responsible 3-5 drinks a day!  That's not so bad!  But, still, God is gonna be like,  DUHHH IM MICHAEL I THINK I CAN DO WHATEVER IRRESPONSIBLE THINGS I WANT AND NOT SUFFER ANY OF THE CONSEQUENCES WHICH ANYONE ELSE WOULD SUFFER DOING THE SAME THINGS DUHHHHH.  Well, can't argue with God there.  Especially since my style of communication has apparently rubbed off on him!  Maybe we have more in common than I first assumed.
    The point is, probably another 5 paragraph block, then maybe go back to reading.  Sounds about right!  Eighth paragraph overall right now.  I don't believe it.  Drinking every day is just part of the artist's lifestyle.  I'm sequestered in my family home with the odd obligation here and there to help out, and in-between those things, drink and write and read.  It makes sense to me!  Anyway just finished my lunch.  It was okay!  I got a great dinner to look forward to, too, believe you me.  I also have what appears to be an autobiography of George Carlin that I'm sure I never read.  I guess my brother must have gotten it at some point.  I have and have read 2 books by him, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, but those were mostly just random jokes from his stand up, but In Book Form.  But I think this other one I came across is an autobiography!  And by George Carlin!  Whose in the top 10 of My Favorite Guys I've Been Exposed To Ever!  Man, if Gabriel Marquez really wants to be magical, the next story would reference George Carlin and/or autobiographies by people I consider in my top 10 of favorite people I've come across.  I highly doubt it!  But if it does happen, believe me, you'll be the first to know!
    Coooooool.  Ninth paragraph.  My main takeaway from Kurosawa is that you know I'd like to try Sake.  I dunno.  He stops at right around he starts to make a name for himself directing great films.  It's his life right up to that point.  Ends with Rashomon, his first great film, I guess.  Anyway.  A few months ago, my brother proposed to me an idea where we just make our own film on a very low (but, for us, still very significant) budget and try to get that to lead to something.  I thought this was a great idea!  Then, I forgot about it until just now but, now, again, I Think This Is A Great Idea!  I had an idea of making a film based on Catcher In The Rye cause hey that'd be fuckin' awesome and people would take notice because they never made it in real life cause J.D. Salinger would forbid it but then he was like yeah doesn't matter we'd get sued also and I was like even if we put it out there for free? and he was like yeah.  So there goes that idea!  Also, even though I'm 30.5, I think I could play Holden Caulfield.  That'll show 'em, that'll show all of 'em!
   
We'd probably have to have it set in current times, though, so we could mostly shoot on location.  Whatever.  The good news is I still have 2 pieces of lettuce, one banana pepper, two jalapeŮo peppers, and half of a red onion on my plate.  The Fun Never Stops!  Great, this is the last paragraph of this block, wonderful.  I think Sandwiches are one of my favorite things on Earth.  No thought went into making that declaration-- it can very easily be 100% untrue, and I was just thinking about How Great Sandwiches Are because I just had one-- but I dunno-- sandwiches are pretty good.  Anyway, today is the 3rd day in a row wearing the same pair of daily-contact lenses.  That'll show 'em, that'll show all of 'em!  My promise to my parents was that I'd make a 90 day supply last roughly a year.  So if I wear a pair for 3 days, take a one day break, then another pair for three days... that'll get me there!  And I'm almost always wearing them suckers!  ALRIGHT!  BE BACK IN A JIFFY!

-12:15 P.M.

 

Good Enough Title
   

  Read some more Magical Realism.  I'm a real great Literature Appreciator, I am!  Presumably.  I read 50 pages of Good Stuff, that settles that!  One more 5 paragraph block? 2?  Who can say for sure as of now.  I don't get how Japan has managed to do this long without the international community being like Yup we crunched the numbers and Japan is the best country.  Anyway.  I've never been to Japan, but I've been to JapanTown in Epcot center.  We went to one of those hibachi joints where they cook the food in front of you and then throw pieces of meat at your plate like nobody's business.  Still kinda upset there wasn't a JewVille in Epcot center.  Seems like a pretty egregious oversight.  Superfluous, one might say!  If one doesn't know what words mean!  Which is how one might feel currently assuming One is Me!
    Cool.  As much as I look forward to visiting Disney World as a young man with a young lady suitor, I also get off on thinking of going to Epcot Center with a complete family.  It's like, you kids are gonna be bored, we're gonna be bored, let's all be bored together!  A double negative makes a positive-- good adage to life your Family Life by.  Anyway.  My one big Acting Job happened at Disney World.  There was this Dinner Theater thing where, 2/3rds in, they recruited me out of an Eating Audience of over 100 families, and I had to go on stage and I was quite the Protagonist.  I had to shoot people in some Western Type Setting, and then a full grown lady kisses me on the cheek because of What A Hero I am.  And my main direction was when she kisses you, wipe at your cheek like it grossed you out.  I was only 8 years old, but being told, in public, to disown the affection showed upon me by a female-- that couldn't have had any lasting effects, could it? ...Could it?  No, Right?
   
Well, great, such is life.  My main memory of hibachi is when Chris Farley does it ineptly in Beverly Hills Ninja.  Looking back, I feel bad about enjoying that movie as a kid, because from what I've read it's pretty much the main reason he killed himself.  Oh well, live and learn.  Figure I'll finish this block of paragraphs soon, wait another hour or two, take walk #3 of 4, write another 5 paragraph block, and call it a day.  Wonderful!  I have mixed feelings about wanting to see  Good Boys.  On the one hand-- I Love To Laugh!  On the other hand-- I Hate Children!  Little good-for-nothings thinking they... uh... well... they think something and I don't like it!  I am getting to be that age, though, where even though I've lost the time to just mess around with females and date them with little thought going into actually starting a family with them, I'm getting to the age where I'm like, well, I don't want kids right now, but it is something I can see myself being on board with a little bit later in life.  The main reason being hey being a kid was a lot of fun in many respects-- if I have my own kid(s)-- I get to relive all that fun through them!  Seems like a good scam to have fun.  Make some children, force them to have fun, then you live their fun vicariously through them!
    Sounds like a pretty good plan-- but I'd still like a decade or so of finally being able to have romantic relationships without starting a family being the only endgame.  That'd be the ideal situation.  However, the most logical situation-- nothing changes and I'm lonely for the rest of my days.  Such is life I guess.  Still got 1.5 paragraphs to go for this block.  Hey, son, you ever heard of Magical Realism?  No what's that.  Here's a book, I want a report on Magical Realism in my hands by Friday 3:00 P.M.  Why don't you just read the book.  Don't back talk me boy!  Something along those lines, that's what having a family would be roughly in my mind.  The point is there's worse directions your life could take than having a loving family to provide for and nurture.  Probably, at least.  That would be my assumption.
   
Cool!  Last paragraph for this block!  My only regret is I'll never be able to take children to Blockbuster.  And be like, okay, one movie and one video game between the two of you. [much arguing].  FINE, YOU EACH GET ONE OF YOUR OWN MOVIES AND ONE OF YOUR OWN VIDEO GAMES, JUST GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT! [much appreciation] Ahh, kids.  I spoil 'em because I love 'em.  I dunno, something along those lines.  YOU CAN EITHER GET THE MICROWAVE POPCORN THEY SELL AT THE COUNTER OR A CANDY.  NOT BOTH YOUR MOTHER WILL KILL ME!  SHE'S TRIED IT BEFORE!  Not sure what that means.  Apparently I've married someone who has at some point, at least once, tried to kill me.  And would find our children having popcorn and candy as motivation for trying to kill me yet again.  That's not the kinda wife I signed up for.  Good thing I wrote this paragraph-- now I know, before proposing, to ask, tell me, do you think you will try to kill once or at multiple times throughout our years together? this is kind of a deal breaker.

 

If I Lived Here, I'd Be Home By Now
   

  I do live here.  Ah, well welcome home!  Thanks.  Oh no, forgot to add the time stamp for the last block of entry.  Well, that ruins everything.  Probably was around 1:00, 2:00 P.M or so?  I took a nap afterwards so my sense of time has been convoluted.  Also, naps?  Great!  I can't recommend naps enough.  Bought a fancy bottle of water on my walk just now.  I like getting fancy bottles of water, because 90% of me is like this is retarded, how they say they make a bunch of fancy water brounds that are supposed to be exquisite, super healthy, original water formulations-- c'mon, I'd bet lots of money that it's all just water.  BuBut there's also that 10% of me thats a sucker and am like well I've never had GREAT water before, might as well give it a shot, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised!  So that happens to me more than I'd like to admit.  Maybe a dozen times in my entire life... which isn't very often in the big scheme of things but is still pretty signficant.
   
If I told you I hardly ever get hit by cars... have been hit by a car only a dozen times throughout my life you'd be like well that's still a lot of getting hit by cars, then.  Are you doing something wrong?  You know you're supposed to hang around on the sidewalk, not the middle of the road, right?  And I'm like oh man that makes sense actually, why didn't I think of that?!?!  I dunno, what the what is whattening.  17th paragraph.  Dinner is gonna be in about 2, 2 and half hours.  Current plan is finish up this 5 paragraph block at some point before then, then do the Rare Dinner Entry Writing... which will hopefully be Well Done!  BURN!!!T!  Hey do you guys know any mediums that can help me get in touch with the soul of the steak I'm about to eat 1/3rd of?  It's a big steak they gave me, so 1/3 is a lot, and I'd like to get in touch with what that cows up to now in Cow Heaven.
    Isn't All Dogs Go To Heaven an insane perversion of Christianity?  I mean, it's a nice quaint thing to tell yer kids, but what does that say about whose getting into heaven and who isn't.  Let's go riff about this for another paragraph or so and figure out a way to mine it for some humor and insight... NOT!  I'm just gonna move on to the next thing!  That's how writing works.  Every now and then, if you're lucky, you come across an idea just waiting to be worked out for entertianment purposes, and then you go, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!  FIGURED OUT A TOPIC THAT COULD BE GOOD.  MOVING ON!  Stuff like that, I dunno.  I like this new brand of soda Sparkling Ice you can get at the convinience stores.  I'm comfortable predicting They're Gonna Be The Next Big Thing.  If I had any money I'd put it all into Sparkling Ice.
    Well, great, whatever.  19th paragraph!  I don't elieve it.  Did a little bit of drinking earlier in the day for the 2nd and 3rd parts of the entry (maybe even 1st, I forget), but haven't continued after taking my nap, and I feel okay with calling it a day in terms of alcohol consumption.  Great!  Terrific!  Every time I use the word Terrific! I think of Andy Barclay saying Terrific! in a specific scene in Child's Play.  You shold think of it, too!  It consumes me most nights.  Terrific.  Terrific.  Terrific.  Terrific.  Terrific.  Terrific. Terrific.  WHEN WILL IT END!!?!!  Probably when I finally fall asleep.  Then its over until the next day begins.  But, oh boy is it over while I lay in my slumber.  No TerrificTorture while I'm asleep!  I'm too busy dreamin' about... well, I forget.  Not Andy Barclay, though!  That'd be weird!  Never even met the dude!  Alright, four paragraph block for now.  Gonna write some more During Dinner soon!  Be Back!

-5:28 P.M. 

 

Title of the Living Dead! -- The Single Paragraph Interlude
   

  Nifty entry so far, huh?  Got 15-20 minutes left of watching The Seven Play It Again Samauari, gonna eat dinner while writing this entry when its over.  Six paragraphs to go to an even 25!  Alright!  Also, the Sequel is called Seven Son of Samuarai.. which I guess is about the sons of the samuari.  That's the logical conclusion to reach.  Stuff like that, sure, great, thats worth wasting our collective time with!  The Seven Sam I Am Urai.  This is entertaining to no one!  Not me, not you, not me again, still not you, anyone else neither!  The point is when I finish this paragraph I'm gonna stop until Movie Is Over + Dinner Is Started!  See ya soon!

 

Nice Website... It'd Be a Shame If Something Were To Happen To It...
   

  Hmm.  Okay.  I guess I still have five paragraphs of things to say?  II don't have all the details but that seems to be the way to go.  Just started dinner-- still have 5 minutes of T7S (as it was stylized when originally released [no it wasn't]) but fuck that!  I'm gonna start eating now, finish the entry now, and the continuiity of watching T7S will just have to accept being mucked around with!  I dunno.  Another fun Saturday Night.  Spent here with This Stupidity.  I'm 100% on board with the plain, standard Tabasco Sauce you can buy at the supermarket.  In the past, I've tried a couple of random flavors inadvertendly-- a, "Chipotle," flavor, a, "Green or something" flavor, and none of it satisfied me.  Regular Tabasco Sauce: The Original, though?  Love it!  It fits with everything.  I might even put some on this website!  That'll make me taste better!
   
Hmm.  Okay.  What exactly do lemons have to do with seafood that we've all agreed as a society that you order seafood at a restuarant, you're gonna get a side of lemon.  Kind of as egregious or superflous as getting a lemon with a steak, or a chicken cutlet, or some sort of Thanksgiving Dinner.  Now, I'm not dissdisdissing lemons-- quite the contrary.  I'm not saying we shouldn't have lemon with seafood-- I'm saying we shuold have lemon with Everything!  Prove me wrong!  Sure, why not.  I also think its really cool when you occasionally get an orange slice as a garment.  Way to think outside the box!  I'm not crazy enough to try squirting Orange onto my dinner, but, hey, its the thought that counts!  You're showing me you're still trying to think of new ways to please me culinary-wise and that effort has Not gone unnoticed!
    Yeah!  Oh, hey, I got an e-mail a few days ago from Comedy Class Teacher saying she was trying to get me into a new Talent Showcase Show at Carolines, where the premise is, if you're good enough at that show, you get into a New Talent Showcase Show at the New York Comedy Festival!  And some brief Googling led me to believe the New York Comedy Festival is a legit relatively signficant event!  So we'll see how that shakes out.  Could easily have been an e-mail she sent to everybody she ever taught to see who would respond, or, could easily have been IM THE BEST AND SUDDENLY ITS BEING RECOGNIZED BOUT TIME!  BUT that was a few days ago at this point, and haven't gotten any update, so that preliminary show may not even happen.  Oh well such is life.
    Yeah yeah yeah.
  Enjoying this Magical Realism shit.  So far, 80% of the stories I've read are basically some sort of variation of This Guy Is Dead.  He's Got A-ways To Go To Die Some More.  Somethin' Along Those Lines.  In so many words, that's been the plot of like 6 of the 8 stories I've read.  LOVE IT.  I'm gonna be honest, though, whenever I imagined the, "Magical Realism," of, "Gabriel Garcia Marquez," I always imagined something 90% less magical and 80% more realism.  I guess I was just a skeptic.  Magical Realism, huh?  I'm not buying it.  Gonna turn out to be realism with a lot of adjectives and superfelous and egregios language.  Oh boy was I wrong.  It's all about Dead People Becing Alove And Being Worried About Becoming More Dead!  Well, based on the little I've read.  OH SHIT BIG PROBLEM-- SPELL CHECK STOPPED WORKING.  I've got words like, "Superfelous," and, "Egregios," and apparently Microsoft FrontPage has no problems with that.  And if obviously mispelled words like that aren't being caught, what does that say about all the inadvertently mispelled words I've typed which I know how to spell right but just messed up cause I'm lazy?!?! DAMNIT THIS WHOLE ENTERPRISE IS COMPROMISED.
    I dunnno.  25th paragraph.  What can I do to fix this debilitating situation.  Must be some sort of Computer Buttons I can press, right?  Hack into the Mainstream Database and do some Cracking and change the Binary Code here and there.  How would binary code react if we suddenly started letting them use, "2's."  Well, first of all, it'd become tertiary code.  But, yeah, you'd have to imagine that would open up all sorts of avenues of improving Computer Performance, right?  Huh.  I guess for the end of this entry, we're just gonna have to deal with No Spell Check.  Then, I'll try to remember to fix it by the beginning of next entry.  Wonderful.  Just about finishing my dinner.  That turned out to line up pretty well.  If Shakespeare was writing his scripts on a computer Word Processer, there'd be a shit load of wavy red lines under words.  And he'd have to talk to his cmoputer yeah I know this isn't a word... yet!... I'll add it to your dictionary... and soon, the world's dictionary!  Mwahahahah!  Shakespeare is an English Language Villian is the point.
  Hmm.  I guess that's about it.  See ya later!

-8:11 P.M.

 

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Dear Website, What a Week!
   

  No, it wasn't.  Only been five days!  That ain't no week!  Also, nothing happened that warranted a Whatta!-type turn of phrase.  Nothin' really out of the ordinary happened, or anything!...  Website: Dear Michael, a week seven days.  For more information, consult your local calendar.  That ain't right!  Calendars ain't got shit to say about weeks.  They're all check out this month.  Lets face facts and call it like ti is-- modern calendars have a real month-centric problem.  For more informatoin, consult your local sun dial.  Huh.  I think cultures that devloped lunar calendars and ways of measuring time as opposed to solar or geo ways (is geo-a possible way to measure days/months/years time?  Seems like that would be interesting to someone 80% smarter than I, someone who could grasp what that would entail scientifically...) anyway, oh, right, lunar calendars.  So, yeah, cultures with lunar calendars get a big Check Plus Plus in my book.  Way to be rebels!  I'm with ya, the moon is cool!
    Also, it should go without saying, I'm gonna start giving Check Plus/Check Plus Plusses to people and things I want to encourage and reward, and Check Minuses to people and things that aren't living up to their potential.  It's a cruel world but its the only way things will ever get better!  Also, if you haven't gotten a check plus or a check minus, a plain ol' check is implied.  So, for you, Dear Reader, right now, you're probably earning a Check.  No more no less.  That's how I feel!  Anyway, I was gonna start writing this entry around lunch time, do some DayDrinkin' today, but I accidentally started in the morning after my morning walk.  Talkin' bout Walkin', I'm cutting out CircleWalking Completely!  No one's happier than me.  I can finally admit to myself, that's fuckin' crazy behavior.  It's all behind me now!  Now I'm taking four 30 minute walks throughout the day in my neighborhood but So What That's Not That Crazy!
    I'm sick of seeing the same people on my walks every day, every time of the day.  It's like they just hang out there 24/7, because what are the odds every time I pass by that part of my walk, they're there?  Doesn't add up!  The point is, sure, maybe they're just Street Light People, Living Just To Find Emotion, but find another place to do that rather than my SidewalkRoute!  You're pissin' me off!  Writing that, I came to the conclusion... What The Hell are, "Streetlight People?" so I googled it and the real lyric is probably, "Streetlights, people..." which makes more sense but also now its boring!  I wanna hear more about these Streetlight People and what they're all about.  What makes em tick.  I dunno.  I think I would still be on board with liking Don't Stop Believing but I read online or heard in a podcast that people who work where there's jukeboxes, that's their least favorite song because people play it all the time and they hate it thusly.  After hearing that, I started to hate the song!  Thanks a lot, curmudgeons!  I hope you're happy!  Also, pretty happy with using the word, "Curmudgeons."  May be the first time in my life I used that word, and, I gotta say, it felt good.
    Anyway.  Finished Ben Folds: The Book and Trevor Noah: The Book.  Right now I'm working on re-reading Akira Kurosawa's Something Like an Autobiography, which, totally 100% honestly, the title must have had a formative effect on me back when I read it in early high school.  I never really thought about it explicitly, but I definitely always liked that title, and you could probably see how it's not far off from the kind of Titles I've made post-reading that book.  Another title I liked from that time period, I don't think I ever actually read the book, but I got this short book The Gulf War Did Not Take Place, which I think was a critique of how the media covered the 1st Iraq war or something.  The book was sort of an intersection of philosophy and political/media criticism... seemed interesting but I don't think I ever read it... but that title just seemed Cool to me.
    Hmm, what other titles may have had formative effects on me.  Also, this is an insane topic to go down.  Because I'm doing it 100% earnestly like oh man this is interesting, really getting to the nuts and bolts of formative things on my writing career for the past 15 years... but also... it's SPECIFICALLY ABOUT TITLING THINGS.  To any other writer in the world that'd be crazy to talk about.  But for me, it makes sense.  Cause I'm a fucking idiot.  I dunno.  I saw Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark yesterday.  Was okay, I guess.  Not sure what I was expecting exactly, but I was expecting it to be a little bit better.  But it was okay, I guess.  Still, though, if the books had a sentimental value for you, and you want to consume them in a new medium, I highly, highly recommend going on YouTube and listening to the audiobooks read by George Irving.  I think there's multiple versions of the audiobook read by different people, but make sure you get that version.  Public Service Announcement!  Anyway, gonna take a break and resume this maybe around lunch time.  See ya!

-9:09 A.M.

 

Another Title In the Books
   

  Man, Kurosawa Akira sure was alive in Japan in the early-mid 20th century.  That's my takeaway from the last half hour.  Anyway, the biggest improvement in my life since Tuesday is I started getting those Stella Doro breadsticks from the supermarket. Good stuff!  Also got a loaf of Home Pride whole wheat bread-- even better stuff!  I'm all like hey is it time to eat a meal? nope but is it time to eat one or two slices of toast? YUP.  Doesn't get much better than snackin' on some toast.  That's my take away from the last three or four days.  Anyway, jeez, what else is going on.  I realize I accidentally said it's been five days since the last entry.  Wrong!  Only been four!  The point is I've shamed myself and my entire family and I don't see any option I have but commit ritualistic suicide.  You know... cause I Estimated Wrong?  Makes sense to me!
    I'm surprised Japan didn't just let itself become 100% decimated in world war two.  You'd think with their culture of Loving Ritualistic Suicide If They've Been Shamed, they'd be like, hmm we started this war, no way we're gonna win... let's just commit ritualistic suicide together!  And just wait for America to pepper their entire archipelago with nukes up and down and all over the place.  I dunno, good thing that didn't happen, though!  Also, man, Japan seems like a great place.  So much rich ancient history and culture, yet also so advanced and modernized, even back in the early 1900's.  I dunno what they've got going for them exactly to make 'em so great, but, keep it up! CHECK PLUS PLUS!  I dunno.  Maybe its the threat of ritualistic suicide hanging over their heads, I Don't Know!  I Don't Have All The Answers!  Also, that doesn't even mention the fact they had Akira Kurosawa!  A LEGEND IN HIS FIELD!
   
When I was in high school, I had a collection DVD set of like 8 or 10 of his films, and it was funny, because it came with three or four copies of most of the movies.  Just the exact same DVD several times-- exact same thing on each duplicate DVD.  The point is Japan might have a lot going for it in general but in terms of DVD Waste they've got some work to do.  Check Minus.  I dunno.  I don't think I ever watched all of them DVDs.  Just the famous movies.  I even still have a Stanley Kubrick DVD I've never watched, and I was All About him back in high school.  The Killing.  I think it's either about Boxing, or Killing.  Maybe both!  I could be thinking of the Bruce Willis timeline in Pulp Fiction.  I dunno, who does know!  Oh, I also have Eyes Wide Shut on DVD, but I don't think I ever watched that, either.  When I was 12-14, I watched all the sex scenes independently downloaded on my computer a lot!  The whole movie, though?  I don't think so!
    Turns out The Killing has nothing to do with Boxing, but I think the reason I thought it did was it apparently has stuff to do with gambling and a big part of Boxing is gambling.  Also, what else is going on!  Readin' this book, and not having a TV for four months, I'm thinkin', hmm maybe forget about writing a spec script for a sitcom, write me a screenplay!  I like films a lot!  They make me feel good!  So I got that going for me.  I could always make The New Monkees a one-off movie!  Or-- get this-- just scrap The New Monkees altogether!  No, that doesn't sound right.  TNM is all I have going for me in life!  It's been there with me through thick and thin the last two or three months!  Anyway, one more paragraph, then take another break!  I don't believe it!
    Coool.  I know I'm an idiot for feeling this way, because it affects all classes of workers, but my instinct is to get off on the idea of a recession.  Hah, you jerks are gonna lose millions at the stock market and crap!  Serves you right!  Sucks To Be You, Fuckers!  Sure I realize I don't know how Economy Works, but so what, I'm just being honest!  I like these, "Frozen Hot Cocoa," flavored Iced Fudge Bars. Frozen Hot Cocoa... so just Cocoa then.  You know, that sort of thing.  Great.  Anyway, I made a joke in a Facebook Status a week or two ago that I feel is worth repeating here-- People who truly think mass shootings are caused by violent video games are probably suffering PTSD from doing too many mushrooms after playing Super Mario Bros.  Knocked it out of the park!  Solid Check Plus in my own rating system for things!  Great!  I'll be back for another five paragraphs sometime soon!

-10:14 A.M. 

 

How Dare You With That Crap
   

  Man, these titles, they just, like, come to me.  I can't explain it!  I've just got an absurd wealth of Check Plus Plus Titles in my head!  An endless stream of Amazing emptying out into the brook that is This Crap.  Brook, is that a correct word?  Is a brook more like a lake or a stream.  Only one way to find out! Wait five, ten years until it comes up naturally in conversation with someone and be like hey before we go any further, please elaborate on what a, "brook," is exactly, thanks, I've been waiitng for some time now, you have no idea.  Something like that, I dunno.  HMM... "A Small Stream."  I'm gonna be honest, that was my best guess after thinking about it, but its pretty disappointing because I obviously intended something else when I used the word.  A stream emptying out into a smaller stream?  That doesn't convey what any of us want!
    Huh.  What other titles were you thinking of.  Here's one-- If The Title Is Good, The Entry Will Follow, and then I was gonna be like, well with that kind of a title I guess the rest of the entry will be a real Check Minus Minus and and that would have been hilarious because it's a call back to grading things!  PPL would be ROTFL.  We'd have to call the Fire Department just to break it up-- it's a health hazard!  I dunnno, what else is going on.  Got pizza on my walk.  In Oven right now.  Will eat it in 15 min!  I dunno about you, but whenever I pick up food or get it delivered, fuck eating it like that, I'm puttin' it in the oven s'more! Or microwave, in a pinch.  But I tend to prefer using the oven, even if it's the kind of food that tastes better from the microwave, because I'm constantly like, well if I put it in the oven I'm forced to wait another 20, 30 minutes to eat it... that's good for my diet... so what if it doesn't taste good out of the oven... ITS GOOD FOR MY DIET YOU ASSHOLES.
   
Something along those lines, I dunno.  Doin' a bit of DayDrinking today.  Love it!  In the pizza place, they have a TV going on in one corner with the YES Network (Yankees Entertainment Sports Network Type Thing) and another tv in another corner with some other channel (I wanna say either a cable news channel or a regular channel like ABC or NBC or even CBS if they're insane), and while waiting for my pizza, I finally know how Sophie's Choice felt.  Where do I devote my attention?!!  It's an embarrassment of riches of choices of waht to watch on televisions!  Anyway, I don't think I've ever watched anything on CBS.  Ever!  Maybe not even ABC!  NBC just gets me, man.  They speak to me like no other channel can.  I dunno.  Hey, what else is going on?!  I did some research, and if The New Monkees is a thing, it'd probably be on NBC, cause that's where The Original Monkees aired.  So one would imagine NBC still owns the copyright to that nonsense and crap.  Something to think about!

   
I still contend The New Monkees is a decent idea, because a lot of the Musician/Bands I Like Memoirs either explicitly mention The Monkees as What They Were Kind of Expecting A Band To Be Like or... ummm. UNexplicitly mention it.  Jeff Tweedy definitely refers to it by name.  So the point is a revival is inevitable and since I thought of it first PICK ME TO DO IT!  I haven't written 95% of it, but my working title for the first episode is Showing Up, because it sort of follows that theme, in that hey this is kind of inevitable but we're the first people to show up to do it so lets just go for it sure why not.  Also if I remember correctly I think it was inspired by that quote attributed to Woody Allen where its like 90% of the work for creative people is just showing up or something like that I dunno I'm Woody Allen I'm too busy having sex with children!  That's a direct quote, BTW.  I know, I know, I'm surprised as you are that he finally admitted it!  And even did it in the context of a quote he knew would be repeated often based on its own merit! 

 

The Lunching Hour Now Has Begun
   

  It won't really be an hour.  Lucky if I make it last 20 minutes!  But the point is Hey 15th paragraph figure 20 is where to aim.  Also-- Akira Kurosawa was HEAVILY influenced by The Monkees.  That goes without saying.  Except in this case.  This time it went with saying!  Sorry about that!  Who could forget Kurosawa's masterpiece, The Magnificent Monkees.  Rashomonkee.  Ikinew Monkees.  Stray... Monkee.  You get the idea.  He never made The Magnificent Seven, he made The Seven Samurai, you Film History Dummy.  How care you with that crap.  I dunno, what else is going on.  I've only seen Ikiru half a dozen times, but I consider it one of my favorite movies.  Partly because I think it would make me seem cool and part because yeah I get it this just strikes a chord with me.  It's hard for me to separate Actually Liking Kurosawa in high school and subconsciously thinking Liking Kurosawa Would Make Me Seem Cool (in a nerdy sort of way.)  But there's a shot in Ikiru that always stuck with me where Ikiru is with That Girl and they're lying down looking up at the night sky with stars and stuff, I dunno, seemed cool.  May have been a different Kurosawa movie.  Or may never have happened at all in anything and it's all in my imagination.  Either way, cool moment! 
   
Hey so far lunch has lasted me close to 10 minutes and I'm only 1/4th done!  At this rate... hmmm... 35 minutes or so?  That would be a Dream!  Anyway.  Current plan for dinner is a Light Dinner.  Got a cinnamon raisin bagel, some left over egg whites, a small sweet potato-- gonna combine all that crap into one meal!  Could be dinner, or lunch tomorrow, I don't know!  Also, it angers me how there's a factual difference between sweet potato and yam and that I don't know the difference and refuse to learn!  And you wouldn't like it when things anger me!  Anyway.  Today's Pizza Lunch entails 2 regular slices with Anchovy and Mushroom.  Been getting Eggplant all the time the last few months, but didn't feel like waiting an extra 5-10 minutes for this place to cook it!  I've got entries to write!  No time to waste!  Anyway.  I meant to use the word cowboy an entry or two ago, and instead typed coyboy, and I loved it so much I can't even explain.  I would be honored to be publicly recognized as a Coy Boy.  That would be all my dreams coming true at once!
    Jeez.  17th paragraph.  Good chance I'll go beyond 20, but I'm not making any promises!  I've come to a weird conclusion lately, that, I'm basically at a point where, without drinking, I can operate at maintenance diet levels.  I'll consume roughly what I burn.  So my first instinct is, well, then, obviously, drink as rarely as possible.  But now I'm like, fuck that shit!  I'll drink AS MUCH as possible and if I gain past 10 pounds who the fuck cares I'm not getting laid anyway!  Something along those lines, I dunno.  Also, if I'm not careful, I could very easily go past maintenance levels by eating more than I should even without alcohol!  It's all very interesting and for better or worse is what consumes my thoughts and inner narrative day-to-day.  But at least I've stopped UnUnUnUnExplicitly keeping exact track of calories consumed throughout the day.  I'm smart enough to recognize That Ain't Healthy!  I'm also smart enough to Hey Let's Just Show Up Creatively And That'll Be Enough!
    Cool.  I'm not 100% happy with the phrase Beer before liquor, never sicker, liquor before beer, in the clear.  Well, it's not the phrase that I don't like, it's the existence of the phenomenon the phrase represents.  I think, beer or liquor, before one or the other, you shouldn't get sicker at all!  Just drink till your heart's content either way one or the other!  Why, physiologically, shuold we be punished for doing nothing wrong abstractly in the large scheme of things?!?!  Doesn't seem right, that's all I'm saying.  Also, I always thought Drink Til Your Heart's Content would be a really good title for something.  Cause there's a real interesting double meaning there that I think is really profound.  Doesn't necesarilly need to be drink til' but drink does seem to fit the bill pretty accurately as far as I'm concerned.  Anyway-- after two more paragraphs-- I'm back to reading about Kurosawa Akira!  When I last left him, he was working as an Assistant Director under the tutelage of Some Guy Whose Name I Forget But Who Served As An Important Teacher to Kurosawa In His Early Career!  The point is sure I got zero calorie Tabasco Sauce from the supermarket to put on random food what am I supposed to do see something with Zero Calories and a Taste I Like and not buy it and put it on random foods?
   
Cool.  Anyway, 19th paragraph.  Got a little bit of pizza left.  Figure if I play my cards right that'll last me through the completion of 20 paragraphs!  Great!  I've gone back to not getting No Water from Starbucks Cold Brew Iced Coffee.  I'll be honest, With Water always tasted better for me.  But for a month or two, I was like, I'm paying a lot for these iced coffees.  What, I'm supposed to pay that much for something when 1/4 or 1/3 is water?  When I can just as easily say No Water?  Hey, if I really wanna dilute it, I can do it at home!!!  So I started aying no water, had no discipline to do it at home, and just had the taste suffer as a result.  No more!  No more No Water!  I'll have as much Water as I like, this is America!  Who cares if we're spending the bulk of our money on Useless Dilution!  That's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes!
    Last paragraph.  Great.  Pizza tasted pretty great even without eggplant.  Wonderful.  I have this weird little mini-fork that I think I stole from a restuarant that's meant for eating stuff like baked stuffed clams.  And now I just use it for everything.  Because, I figure, the smaller the fork, the longer the meal will last, cause the fork can't cut everything at the rate a larger fork could!  But I dunno, that's just assumptions, who know if they're true at all!  Also, I apologize to Donovan's of Bayside for stealing their fork.  I'd give it back, but, ya know, it'd be weird.  Also, when I was young, that was known by my family as my favorite food.  Baked Clams from Donovan's (of Bayside).  They knew it then, now you know it now.  Cherish that knowledge and be proud that you've been exposed to it!  This is important stuff!  Maybe I thought by stealing the fork meant for the food I love it would make all the food I eat with the fork lovely!  I dunno, as good an interpretation as I could imagine on such short notice!  I'll see ya'll later.

 

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Hey, You!  Leave That Website Alone!!
   

  Hello ear friends. ERR, Ummm, That's Dear Friends, I mean.  Starting this entry before Covers of Elliott Smith: The Concert.  I finished reading Ben Folds: The Book earlier today [EDITOR'S Note--This Was Goin' On Last Friday Night!  BE 100% ON THE RIGHT PAGE CHRONOLOGICALLY IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE(Hey PS from now on I'm just gonna go back and forth between typing up the few paragraphs I had and embellishing on them in real time alright pizzzz [hey what if we used slang to incorporate the word pizza when saying the word peace colloquially.  like, someone was gettin' upset or agitated, and we go to them chill man have a peace-za-pie. SOMETHING TO CONSIDER and into Part II of Trevor Noah: The Book, as well.  Will be meeting up with My Brother: That Guy in about an hour.  Right now, waiting for The Train: The Public Transportation.  I look back fondly on taking the LIRR (Long Island Rail Road) to and from Stuyvesant: The School.  Falling asleep listening to Fountains of Wayne: The Band, on a train under water, as a recurring theme for one's teenager years?  One should be so lucky.  All that stuff pretty much determined what I've gotten out of music in life.  For My Listening-To-Music-As-A-Coping-Mechanism-For-Growing-Up, I was just of the generation for MP3s/torrents.  In fact, thinking of torrents specifically (Torrents being basically downloading MP3s of an entire cohesive album at once, instead of random songs on Peer2Peer) you could probably narrow down the Newness And Relatively Widespread Use Of Torrents to my exact GenerationYear as the type of ppl who would download full albums as torrents).
    Only negative thing is I had a few albums which I would listen to as albums (as one does!) only to find out years later the tracks weren't in the correct order.  I even had at least one album where the song titles were all wrong!  The Shins' Oh Inverted World.  Not only were the tracks in the wrong order, but the titles were all random!  Hey before I go any further I just wanna call to attention that in Real-Life-Chronology, the last thing I did was make that small block of green sentences in the first paragraph and I was like
man I wanna do that AGAIN RIGHT NOW.  So, here we are.  Moving on...  t But I gotta imagine that, on some level, having the wrong titles for each The Shins song for that 1 album (But having each title be the correct title for a random other song on that album) must have had my brain blazin' new weird pathways for neurons or something.  That kinda Rubix's Title Thing Going On musta been stimulating intellectually even if I never realized it, right?  Also, I gotta be honest, making some sentences green has got me more excited about writing here than anything has in weeks.  OH SHIT I GET TO WRITE THINGS IN A NEW COLOR NOW I'M FINALLY ON BOARD WITH DOING THIS AGAIN! 
   
Anyway, what else.  The funny part about this rant is I know I've talked about The Shins Wrong Titles Album here at least TWICE before this.  I know that not only have I talked about this here before, I know I've talked about it multiples times before not even including just now!  But, hey, that's neuropath-ways for ya!  I guess.  Anyway, I'm gonna go back into t  he few paragraphs I had from when I was waiting for Train Friday Night.  Let's go....!  Right, so anyway... I was also in a unique situation where I took public tansportation to and from school, specifically a train where it was safe to fall asleep on (Both safe in terms of no ones gonna mess with my shit, and also safe in terms of, on the way there, I'm not gonna fall asleep and miss my stop on the way there, cause its the last stop.
    So far, so good.  So that's fun and stuff.  Well, it was fun 15 years ago. aI'm not gonna lie I'm writing up this entry right now and this wholy chronology is confusing ot me.  I'm typing up what I had written down while waiting for the train Friday Night but then I was reminiscing about past times taking the train back when I was in high school and now it's 2 days later from the original time writing and it's not that confusing but at the same time Still Too Confusing.  Anyway, Ben Folds: The Book was awesome, but it left me confused-- should I peruse music (The Uppers) or comedy (Crazysheet)?  It definitely seemed to imply, "Go For It!" and stuff, but go for what and how exactly?  Kind of a plot hole that's never fully addressed.  What I should do with my life explicitly.  Anyway.  I think Ben Folds is an idiot for not making new albums like Rocking the Suburbs or Songs for Silverman now all the time.  What is he, an idiot?  Give the people what they want!  More of the same!  Also, Trevor Noah should go back to living in Apartheid.  It was interesting!  Live interesting lives for our amusement, celebrated creative folk!  Then write about it!  So we can be like, Hey.. uhh.... ... Nice!!!  That was entertaining for a while!
   
Doin' a bit of drinking while typing up this entry.  It's good because its like regular life but just a half a shot better.  Anyway.  Weird going going from Ben Folds to Trevor Noah because you kind of realize that some people's problems are a lot more serious than other peoples.  And, yeah, in life, we all go through shit, and one person going through more shit doesn't make them better or worse or tougher or more whateverwhateverhwatver than you for your less serious shit, because all of our shit is relative, but its still weird to see all the shit we each go through stacked up against each others' shit in such broad terms.  I don't wanna see other people cover Elliott Smith.  That's like saying to a Jew, here's Jerry Fallwell preaching the old testament.  Something like that, I dunno!  Show actually went real well!  I'll get to that stuff later I suppose..  dThose songs are understabdly so personal to me and these jerks ain't gonna get 'em like I do! They're personal to me because I can probably play more Elliott Smith songs on my guitar (or, bastardized versions of them) than every other artists' songs INCLUDING MY OWN combined!  This really occurred to me when someone was covering, "Talking To Mary," from New Moon.  I couldn't listen to them do it without picturing me playing the chords/little riffs on the guitar in my mind.
    They won't get  those songs like I do.  I'm the great!  Me!  What else is going on.  Cute girl 15 feet away from me waiting for LIRR.  I'm gonna eat you! is my weird inner monologue for this very specific occasion.  Not sure about what that says, but that happened to be the case at that moment.  Also-- girl looks a lot like Taylor Swift!  Probably isn't her, though!  Because she smiled at me!  And this is an LIRR Stop in Queens Village on a Friday Night!  That's life I guess.  We all just made a mass exodus waiting for the train.  Someone was like, "The doors don't open up here," so we all just walked Half a Train Away.  Thank the lord we had someone with the kindness and good hearted nature to let us all know we were gonna be left with no avenue to get into the train even though we'd be in front of it when it stops.  Cause, apparently, them doors don't open!
   
NOW I'M ON THE TRAIN.  I wrote that titlephrase {NOW I'M ON THE TRAIN} before actually being on the train.  I'm just really good at predicting things that are gonna happen!  Wonderful.  I hope that wasn't actually Taylor Swift.  Cause if it was, BII blew it!  I had a shot and everything and all I could muster up was take a Three-Gulp from my flask which has my brother's name on it because it was a Party Favor from his Friend's Wedding.  Makes sense to me.  I got that going for me I guess.  No Taylor Swift in my immediate future.  Not even Fake Taylor Swift!  We got separated when we were all Mass Exodusing to cars of the train where the doors will definitely open!  Some of us walked the minimum amount, others walked more and made that extra effort!  That moment is gone behind me now!  Now its all Covers of Elliott Smith up ahead!

 

The Entry, Part II:  The Second Part {Of The Entry}
   

  Is anyone really sure what those not-quite-brackets, not-quite-parenthesis, are called?  Not just what they're called, but also what they're used for?  Because they look kind of cute and I'd like to get to know them better but as of now they just seem kind of superfluous.  Egregious, one might say!  Anyway, now I'm writing the entry in real life.  Meant to say Real Time, but, you know what?  Real Life?  I like that better.  I was gonna look up the definitions of superfluous and egregious because I was like hey it'd be nice to know what those words mean exactly, especially if I'm gonna be using them on my Public Website and everything, where I really should be using them correctly if I'm gonna be using them, but then I got distracted, and thought about writing about that story here, so then I wrote about it, and now it's over.  Time to move on.  Paragraph's done!  No looking back now.
    Anyway, show went great.  I really thought it was great hearing Elliott Smith songs.  Did I think everyone did a great job?  No!  But it was still great to see them do their mediocre job in their own mediocre way!  Lots of fun coming to conclusions with oh so this is how that other person hears this song and then presents this song for us to hear.  It's a strange thing.  But, yeah, it was fun and great and all those other kinds of positive adjectives!  For some reason, one of the main things I was contemplating was the order they did the songs/had the performers.  They did like 20 or so songs, with a new person/group doing each one (or, at most, two or three), and, when thinking about it technically, yeah, sure I considered oh they're doing this as a rock song, or with a full band, or dot dot dot etc's, BUT the the main thing I was thinking was oh so they led off the night with this specific interpretation of this specific song, followed it with this, interesting...
   
I was also constantly thinking, what the Hell is wrong with you people don't you know that this specific song means this specific thing to me personally from my own life?  Why aren't you accentuating the parts of the song that make it especially relevant to me?  Did no one tell them I was gonna be here?  Anyway, what the what, writing this entry and whatnot, right?  What paragraph we into.  10th.  Order for dinner has been placed.  I'm gettin' an Omelet w/ hash browns w/ toast w/ pitseleh IM NOT WHAT'S MISSING FROM YOUR LIFE NOW... sorry just had an Elliott Smith Fever Dream.  Or PTSD flashback.  I dunno exactly what it is.  But, yeah, it was a trip to hear Elliott Smith Songs live and in public, because it's so fuckin' adolescent in a way, to me, at least.  It's all these feelings that we (or, at least, I) abandoned years ago.  For lack of better words-- loneliness, ennui, shyness, insecurity, crushing... those are just off the top of my head.  But anyway, hearing the songs, it was like, oh right, these are all these feelings I used to feel back when I was younger and felt things!  HOW ABOUT THAT.
   
But it was cool.  I guess.  There's a nice comfort in not feeling those feelings, though.  Because, lets be honest-- those feelings are freakin' childish.  No adult needs to feel like a kind with a crush.  Right?  Seems kind of superfluous and egregious.  One would assume.  I never looked up the meanings of those words, yet, so one can only imagine I'm using them correctly.  Anyway, I finished Trevor Noah's book today.  Gotta read some more books, now.  Probably.  Reading books is good 'n stuff.  I haven't had a TV in four months, so I haven't watched any TV, it would be a weird shock to the system to suddenly start watching Daily Show and Conan and Etc. again. 
    I guess.  Anyway, weekend, Sunday.  Went through mucking around with those few paragraphs, writing in Green to accentuate them, then wrote a few more, now I'm here!  And I guess its time to start writing as if it's
hey it really is a new part of the entry lets start some new stuff.  I should make it clear that it definitely wasn't Taylor Swift.  That was just of the kind of mind I was in at the time.  Anyone woulda looked like Taylor Swift to me at that moment!  Probably.  Not sure what that means.  But it seems kind of profound and telling so I'm gonna stick with it!  What else is going on and crap.  Finished pouring all my whiskey, have about .20 of a glass of Dr. Pepper + whiskey left.  Then, after that, have one can of beer left.  Then, after that, no more alcohol.  That's all!  If I wanna drink more I have to buy more.  Thems the breaks, kid.
   
Cool!  Wonderful!  Terrific!  When I fantasize about Celebrity Women, As One Does, these are the last two thoughts that strike me (and, yes, they are the last 2 references I have, though they're VERY old)  1-- Roughly 2009, 2010, Taylor Swift was on TV for some benefit or charity concert or something, and my Mom was like whose that Taylor Swift girl and I'm like its Taylor Swift.  And, then, the one before that-- 2008, I was in my NYU dorm and someone was like Hey do you know Miley Cyrus and I was like Nope, Not Personally!  So when one fantasizes about celebrities, as one does, those are my two touchstones with the relative-actual-world.  Why do my fantasies have to be grounded in the real world.  I dunno!  There are no real fantasies!  That's it!  I just figured I'd, "Go There," so it's a paragraph and everything!  What paragraph are we into these days and crap.  13th.  Figures.  ...Wait a second, that's a story for the website?...  The Story is... Whose this?  SOME LADY!  STORY #1!  You heard of this lady?  I GUESS! STORY #2!
    Cool.  Food delivery got here and everything. Put it in the oven.  Now it's warming up while I write this paragraph!  I don't believe it!  14th paragraph.  1st section of entry was 7 paragraphs.  And I wanna be consistent, don't I?  Probably!  Got nothin' better to do!  Now the real question is do I get more alcohol on my Evening Walk or not.  Probably too late to get liquor which is what I would really want. That store'll be closed.  Can probably get beer somewhere, but I dunno, we'll see how everything shakes out and whatnot.  Man I liked it better when Taylor Swift was just a girl on my Train Stop who'd soon be making a mass exodus with me.  you know, simpler times?

 

The Entry, Part III:  Part III, The Entry
   

  Something I've noticed from the various musician/comedian/writer autobiographies I've been reading the last year or two, is that they always devote a lot more time and focus to early in their careers at opposed to later.  The further you get in time, the less time they spend time writing about it.  Which leads me to believe man the Present Sucks Ass!  Such is life, I guess.  Another thing I've noticed-- I started binge watching Everybody Hates Chris.  It wasn't necessarily revealed explicitly in any of the books I've read recently, but it was strongly implied.  Anyway, that's the present.  And you guessed it-- SUCKS ASS.  I dunno, it's actually not that bad a sitcom.  It's perfectly serviceable and everything I guess!  I like drinking alcohol, because it's like regular life, but I have a Hall Pass for Feeling Okay.  It's like, I'm living the same crappy life as everyone else, but then I enter in this cheat code and its like I HAVE SPECIAL PERMISSION TO NOT FEEL LIKE CRAP and then Whoever Is In Charge Of Life is like Ah, you're drinking alcohol, okay!  You can pass!  Feel Okay For An Hour Or Two, Go Ahead!
 
That's life I guess.  Gonna eat in 15, 20 minutes or so.  Alright, Current Plan-- finish entry before taking my walk.  No alcohol-getting on my walk, but, instead, make the most of already-under-influence-of-alcohol as I am right now before walk.  And finish entry as such.  Great!  Paragraph #16 or so.  Well, exactly.  I just figured I'd sound cooler if I gave the impression I dunno exactly what paragraph we're at, man, I'm fucked up as shit!  That sort of thing.  I dunno, probably not.  16th paragraph, guess I'll aim for 20, that's a standard amount to aim for, and is roughly splitting each entry up evenly, right?  That means four more to go after this one.  Cool.  August.  2019.  I don't believe it!  Made some progress in possibly getting my Graduation Gift TV which, of course, happened concurrently with Kinda Feeling I Dont Even Really Want A TV Anymore.  Wouldn't life be better without that bullshit? 
    That's how I feel lately sometimes.  Is a Miley Cyris watching TV?  Is Taylors WiFit watching TV?  Why should I do stuff they're not doing?  They seem to be doing okay in life!  But then again, neither of them graduated college after 11 years to earn that there TV.  Maybe if that were the case they'd be watching TV all the time!  No one knows for sure, really, that's my opinion.  After spending several weeks drinking randomly here and there whenever you feel like, being faced with a situation where if you wanna drink more, you gotta get more, and you can get more, but your parents will be aware of it, and they won't forbid it completely, but they will judge you for it is .. a.. thing.... how did this sentence begin?  I don't remember 100% but the point is It's Not A Great Situation But It's Still The Situation I'm In.  Anyway, after this paragraph, gonna eat supper!  Which is now!  I'll see ya in a bit to finish this crap up!

 

I Thought'd It be Funny
   

  Wrong!  Final block of paragraphs!  Ate dinner, took a walk, came back.  That brought us all up to speed.  Ended up getting a 25 oz can of beer.  Still looking forward to Scary Movies To Watch Without Friends: The Motion Picture.  That book sounds odd, though.  The real title is scary stories to tell in the dark.  C'mon, they're scary stories to hear in the dark.  You're the one Telling The Story... well, that's not so scary!  You know what's gonna happen!  You can stop any time you want!  You're in total control!  You're tellin' a scary story in the dark-- guess what-- if you're really scared enough-- just shut up!  I dunno, stuff like that.  It was pretty depressing being Jolted Back Into The World Of The Feeling by Elliott Smith Songs, because, well, that dude killed himself.  Talk about Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark.  This turned out to be my main lifeline to Human Emotion and this dude ended his own fuckin' life on purpose.  What does that say about my prospects?
   That's great, just great.  19th paragraph.  Hey here's a scary story-- you got a choice!  You can choose between Feeling Feelings That Will Lead To Suicide or No More Feelings Ever Again!  Ooooh I love game shows!  Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  Guess I've got two more paragraphs to go and whatnot.  Dunno what to do when this entry is over.  Probably some lying in bed and listening to music or some such thing.  Too bad I've already listened to all the music I know that I like, and of all the music I've listened to that I know I like, I've already listened to 100% of that.  Sweeeeeet.  Trying to motivate myself to write something new, but I need a collaborator.  Whatever it is.  Music, comedy, anything else, or anything inbetween.  I've reached a point where I'm just like nope.  Need someone else to work with.  That's it. 
    Hey, U Kno any1 else?  You probably know yourself, at least.  Why don't you ask yourself if you wanna collaborate with me on anything creative!  E-mail is mankindguy@gmail.com!  Lets do this thing!  Whatever, "This Thing," is, it makes no difference!  Let's just do something!  Alright great whatever this entry is practically over.  Got nothin' else to look forward to in the immediate future.  Or the in-immediate future, for that matter.  Not even in the past or present.  The point is Life Is A Whole Lot Of Nothing Forever It Seems.  Such is life, I guess!  I wonder if, when Elliott Smith kills himself, he escapes from the Forever Timeline.  His life force was forever unhappy, supposedly.  So, does ending his life get himself off that continuum?  No way of knowing-- he never wrote a song about it As Far As I Could Feel.  Not that I know of!  I don't even know of This Making Sense at all!  I'll see ya later!

-8:26 P.M.
  
   
   

 

Monday, August 5, 2019

°°°Never Before Seen Titles!!!
   

  Hello friends, enemies, and those of you noncommittal folks who don't feel compelled to choose a side.  Third day in a row with an entry?  You bet!  I fold.  Speaking of Folding, gonna get the Ben Folds Book.  Speaking of Ben-- there was a bear named Ben at some point.  I believe he was famous around town for being gentle.  And, anyway, that reminds me of a title I came up with an hour ago, but threw to the scrap heap-- Does a Title Shit In The Title.  Which was instigated from thinking of the phrase Does a Bear Shit In The Woods.  Which was instigated from watching Trump's press conference.  That's the phrase that came to mind from watching Trump on TV for a wasted 10 second of my life saying stuff we know he doesn't believe.  Anyway, very presidential to tie gun control to immigration reform!  It's like if Hitler went you know, we'd agree to start killing less Jews if only we could agree to let less Jews into our country.  Bi-partisan compromise!  Role Model In Chief Strikes Again!
    Anyway, just came across a show this Friday where there's a bunch of musicians covering Elliott Smith!  I'ma go see that with my Brother-In-Chief!  He got the job by default!  He's my only brother around!  Anyway, was just watching Mean Streets on Netflix during CircleWalking, and I gotta say-- probably a great movie-- didn't register what happened in the movie at all.  There was one scene where a guy owes another guy money.  One of them may have been Robert De Niro.  That's literally all I got from that movie.  And, 3/4ths in, this thought occurred to me... and I still didn't register anything after this thought occurred to me!  Oh, there was at least one scene with nudity!  That occurred to me!  I dunno why I pay more attention to shitty movies than good movies.  Maybe its just that shitty movies are more straightforward than good movies.  Anyway. 
    Yesterday, put my supposed-to-be-once-a-day contact lenses in the plastic container where you squirt a saline solution in, you put the contacts in, then you can re-apply them hours later when you want to.  I put them in there cause I was like I wanna rest my eyes, maybe take a nap, not supposed to do that with them on.  Anyway, never put 'em back on, but this morning, I fuckin' put those fuckers in!  I'M LIVING ON THE EDGE.  No optometrist in their right mind would condone was I just did!  But, nevertheless, I did it, and so far I'm surviving!  I dunno, something like that is a thing to talk about on the website.  Anyway.  Here's another title that occurred to me during CircleWalking-- Try Not To Be Crazy.  It's a good maxim to live by and definitely something that I should consider and have it in the forefront of my mind-- just not title material!  I'm tellin' ya, I came up with like 8 or 10 titles during circle walking, and I get 4, 5 at most, to disperse throughout today's entry.  There's gonna be some decent titles that don't make the cut!  I'm not happy about it, you're not happy about it, but there it is!
    Speaking of titles, kind of unhappy that I went with a title yesterday that said, "Michael Kornblum = Crazysheet(The Uppers - Alcohol).  Because I put very little thought into creating that equation.  So just coming up with an equation about very important things, and not really testing out the math to see if its correct, is a problem emblematic of Crazysheet that I really need to course correct if I want My Weblog To Be Taken Seriously.  ...What other kind of rejected titles do I got in my back pocket.  "I Hate This Title!" that's easy to reject, doesn't mean a thing, no way is that gonna make the cut.  "Gotta Title Deep Down In My Heart,"  see you on the scrap heap!  "I Refuse To Try!" accurate, but why would I talk up such a bad quality?  Best to keep it to myself how ittle I allow myself to try at things.  Anyway, probably more titles that will be rejected, but, hey I still haven't 100% committed to the next titles of the entry, can't say for certain which will make the cut and which won't.
   
Wonderful, just wonderful.  Goin' to the supermarket tomorrow instead of Wednesday with my pops. VERY BIG DEAL.  Not sure why those two sentences happened.  Probably because hey this is about my life, main thing going on in life at this exact moment is going to supermarket tomorrow instead of wednesday with my pops Very Big Deal. You're okay with reading the entry when I talk about the Outside World but unhappy with me talking about When I'm Going To The Supermarket This Week?  Too bad!  That's my life!  Love it or leave it!  Hey fifth paragraph.  That means after this one, we get to see a new title!  Anyway, jeez.  I was thinking yesterday about how there's two, "R's," in, "February," when, the way most people pronounce it, we only really need the second one.  And, while thinking of it, I was like, how sure am I that there's really that, "R," after the, "B," in February.  I know how we pronounce it-- usually without it.  I know there's no first, "R," in the similar, "January."  ...How 100% am I that there's a hidden, "R," in February?  ...Maybe I'm misremembering things.  These are the things I think about every now and then!  Get o ff my back about it!

 

Got My Own Thing Going
   

  Just started lunch.  1/2 a Veal Parmesan & Spaghetti dinner.  Even though it's half, still a really big lunch!  Get off my back about it!  Jesus Christ what is your obsession with my back?  I dunno.  Am I correct to feel like a jerk by spellin Parmegiana, "Parmesan?"  Is that a Crappy Americanized thing to do or is it culturally acceptable?  Hmm, briefly consulting internet--  Parmesan refers to the kind of cheese-- and is the correct spelling.  And, I guess, Veal Parmegiana, that's the correct of saying well this is how we made the veal.  With Parmesan (IA!) cheese.  That's how Italian works.  Something along those lines, didn't look too hard into it, just a little!  Anyway, what else.  Drinking beer again today!  Prove me wrong!  Anyway, for better or worse, this is one of the main lasting memories from the 1.5 years or so where I smoked marijuana a lot.  During the summer of 2008, between sophomore and junior year at NYU, smoking weed in my room, getting chicken/veal parmesan, and setting it up on A Box and eating it while sitting on my bed.  Sit on my bed, had some sort of cardboard box, probably from some music thing, would set up dinner on the box and eat it.  That's one of the main sense-memories-memory.  Also a lot of zoning-out-listening-to-music over that one and a half years, but I was often in bed for those times, who can remember such thing.
    So, great, I had that going on 11 years ago.  Anyway, its been fun overeating the last week or so, because I look in the mirror, and there's no change!  I feel like I'm getting away with something, even if I gained 1 or 2 pounds in that relatively short time period!  Mirror Don't Lie!  Probably Not At Least!  It'd Have No Motive!  My favorite way to eat parmegiana dinners is, I remove the cheese coating from the veal/chicken/whatever, then eat that concurrently with whatever bread came with it.  We've all got our own unique ways to eat Italian Specialties and don't judge mine and I won't judge yours!  C'mon!  Anyway, Microsoft FrontPage tried to auto-correct parmegiana as, "ptarmigan."  And I was like no fuckin' way that's a word.  Turns out it's some kind of geological rock.  Live and learn I guess.  Gotta do something while you're living.  And, if you're learning, its pretty much implied that you are alive while it happens.  WAIT A SECOND NO I TAKE IT BACK.  It's actually a kind of bird!  The, "pt," should have given it away.  But the complete title of the bird is, "The Rock ptarmigan," so I saw, "Rock," and, well, you cn see how I'd get confused!  
    Eighth paragraph.
  Wonderful!  In addition to listing titles while CircleWalking, I made a list of, "Topics," which I've already blazed through.  -Elliott Smith Show, -Try not to be crazy, -Netflix crap, -made up equation,.... you get the idea.  Stuff like that.  And the last topic was, "also -- making topics list"  I suppose that reached the singularity or something, right?  Sometimes I think about you know if I could smoke weed I wouldn't need to drink alcohol.  Which is a good trade off because I wouldn't gain weight, its healthier, and I would be more happy presumably.  Something to think about!  What good is thinking about it gonna do.  I dunno, but, hey, go ahead and smoke weed when you're thinking about it, you'd get to some creative crazy place in yer thinkin'!  What else.  Hey, general rule of thumb to live by-- if you're eating something, either eat the whole damn thing, or, if you must, exactly half.  Splitting things into any other fraction is weird. 
    Half is tolerable.  That makes sense in some situations.  Anything else and you're being especially weird and I don't play those games!  Probably gonna take a walk after next paragraph!  Wonderful.  There's a part of me that's especially delusional where I'm like well, I'm eating a lot more now, but that's natural, body is gonna get used to that.  May not gain any weight at all!  The point is Whatever Happens Happens.  Huh?  I just saw Trump says they're gonna crack down on violent video games?  To quote George Carlin (roughly), "So they're gonna get rid of the toy guns... AND KEEP THE FUCKIN' REAL ONES!!?!?!"  The point is I don't care what kind of nonsense they're trying to pull with this crap.  I got my own things going on!  I thought the title of this block of paragraphs made that clear!
    Last paragraph before walk.  Wonderful.  Already had 1.5 iced coffees today.  Got one in the morning, and had half of one left over from last night.  The question now is, do I get a second point five iced coffee on my impending walk?  Only one way to find out!  Guess RIGHT NOW and then either act affirmatively based on what that guess was or be purposely and immediately contrarian and act IN THE OPPOSING WAY while having decided to do so on cue.  That's life I guess!  Gotta croissant to either have for breakfast tomorrow or as a snack later.  I'ma gain so many 1/5ths or 1/7ths of pounds today!  Ya'll don't even know.  Alright that'll do it for now, see ya soon!

 

I'm How Old?
   

  Open ended question, you don't need to respond.  It depends on what time it is for you to answer accurately.  Speaking of Time, yesterday, if you put the year before the month and day, it was 1984!!!  GET OUT OF THE WAY!  Something along those lines, I dunno.  Hey did you know that 35 years ago it was 1984 all yearPeople must have been freaking out!  Hey this is a year or something there was a book about it lets hold our breath until the year is over.  Then we get to see Back II The Future real soon that'll make it all worthwhile!  Something along those lines, I dunno.  I know the movie is called Back To The Future, but if we're gonna be honest, in Back To The Future III, Marty McFly was kinda Frontin' To The Past.  Tryin' to act all cool with his fake name, coyboy hat, some nice shoes.  Why is Marty McFly so desperate to win the approval of the Old West?  Big plot hole never 100% addressed.
    Great!  12th paragraph.  Figure this blob of paragraphs may be the end of the entry.  I heard a clip of Trump talkin' trash about the internet.  Like its the internet's fault for radicalizing white supremacists.  And not the bullshit that comes out of his mouth.  Don't blame the internet for your crap asshole.  We innocent as fuck and you guilty as shit.  That's how I feel about things.  Anyway, what else is going on.  If the year was before the month and day, today would be 1985.  That's the year when Doc Brown finally made time travel possible.  Every now and then I watch the 4 minute video of the motion-simulator-ride of the Back To The Future Ride that used to exist at Universal Studios.  The premise is Biff stole the time machine, and we're in another Delorean Time Machine, and we hav to bump into his time machine in order to return us both to the correct time.  Oh, and they're the Flying Version of the Deloreans.  So we have to follow him through several different time periods until we finally bump into him and then We Win!  Doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  In fact, it makes like 5% of the total sense the actual movie made, which, itself, only made about 10-20% sense of possible sense in our real, actual world.
    Great!  Thirteenth paragraph.  There's a vanity license plate on my block that I just noticed the other day that says, "Aryan 1," and I was like well that's not good.  Kinda surprised they let someone use that license plate, right?  Doesn't seem like that should be part of the rules of the road.  Kinda makes me wanna bump into his car from my own car and then We Win Presumably.  I dunno, what else is going on.  Gonna take a hardcore nap when this is over.  Maybe not a full fledged hey I fell asleep for an hour or two nap, but at the very least, I'ma lie in bed for several hours and if I'm not actually asleep I'ma do my best to pretend I'm asleep not just to any possible onlookers but even try to trick myself!  Something along those lines, I dunno!  Anyway, gonna try that Napping now.  Figure maybe do bonus CircleWalking whle watching a bonus Movie toinght after dinner.  That'll help make up for the BeerDrinking I was doing EarLier. See ya later!

-2:20 P.M.
 

 

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Back In The Day Ain't Today
   

  Not by my calculations.  I regret all that talk about Past Lunching because that's over and done with.  Gotta live in the now!  And talk about today's lunchings!  So here's what I got for today's lunch-- Some fraction of a Bison Burger along with some amount of PopChips.  Not sure exactly what the fraction and amounts will be!  Gonna probably be either 1/2 or 2/3rds or possible 3/4ths of the burger (BEE TEE DUBS-- burger got sautťed onion, mushrooms, and jalapeŮo peppers [Bee Tee Dubs is George W Bush's nickname among Woke Members of Generation Alpha who know no better but to assume he was a fine, decent president compared to the only one they know, Mr. Trump)... I forgot how I started this sentence without the parentheticals... oh, right what fraction of a burger am I gonna eat for lunch.  This is what I think people want to read about?  Man, I really am crazy.  I literally just realized that.  Right now.  That's what did it.  Talking about my bison burger lunch.
    Anyway, already started talking about my lunch, might as well finish!  ...think I'm done.  I'm drinking  alcohol again today, so that may lead to me having a less calorie lunch than I would have otherwise.  I'm givin' myself some wiggle room of gaining 5-10 pounds, say, by the end of the year or so, to accommodate the current amount I project to eat/drink/burn off.  Wonderful!  Anyway what was I talking about again?  Oh, right-- Back In The Day Ain't Today.  Unless today is the future compared to when I'm writing this.  Which it will be someday.  And, in that case, Hey!  Future!  How 'bout this entry, am I right?  Great, just great.  Anyway, right now, I've got four different drinks at my disposal.  I got mountain dew mixed with whiskey.  That's #1 key drink.  I got iced coffee, I got a beer, and I got a vitamin water zero.
    Drinking beer vs mixed drinks w/ alcohol is a serious thing to consider and differentiate between.  Totally different pacing.  Unless you're a freak who, when they drink beer, just chug an entire can at a time, you're gonna get drunk quicker drinking mixed drinks.  So that's something to consider when you're like hey it's almost the afternoon what should I drink exactly plz tell me website!  Jeesz, what else is going on.  My Dad's nurse is here.  She comes once a month to give my Dad some blood infusions or something cause he''s got some blood disease.  But I don't like her being here!  I don't remember giving her permission to be here!  My dad needs her here to be healthy.  I don't remember giving my Dad permission to be healthy!  Well can't argue with that logic. 
    Just watched some random crappy low budget horror movie on Netflix.  I've figured out that 99% of the time, only Horror movies can have unhappy or unfortunate endings.  Sometimes it can happen in Drama or Comedy, but rarely!  One thing that sticks out in my head is the end to one of The Hangover movies where Ed Helms accidentally got breast implants.  That's a sad ending.  Everyone left the theater depressed.  Man, how sad for Ed Helm's character.  How's he gonna deal with that?  I'm bummed out.  Anyway, I'd say Spoiler Alert! but I didn't say which Hangover movie that happened in!  So basically you still don't know if that will or will not happen in whatever Hangover movie you're watching.  Anyway.  Today's lunch, that's relevant!  Figure I'll eat that in an hour or two.  Got nothin' better to do!
   
I guess.  Watched Taxi Driver last night.  I've seen it before, but not lately.  Is it bad that for the first half of the movie I related to Taxi Driver a lot.  It was like this guy's just like me!  Right around the time he starts buying guns and going full on crazy, though, I was like nah you lost me now.  Don't wanna do that with my life.  I just wanna be a little crazy, thank you very much!  No I don't.  I am a little crazy, but I had no choice in the matter!  That's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes!  Anyway, speaking of Crazy People and Guns, two mass shootings in the last 24 hours.  Why, it's so serious and thought provoking, almost makes me wanna have a paragraph or something just devoted to that...

 

Title vs. Title, or: Don't Terrorize Me Plz
   

  Pretty sure that's where we're at as a country today.  I was thinking about these shooting incidents, and it's tough cause there's a lot of political and social issues at play.  Here's what I came up with--

-Gun control
-White supremacy
-Mental health care
-Instigation of violence by political/media/etc. figures (hey, including that jerk whose the president for the present!)
-General apathy, indifference or, now even possibly getting into the territory of acceptance-of-this-as-the-new-norm by much of society
-Lack of political will to actually Do Something from much of our representatives besides using these things as talking points or ways to raise money or get elected
-Broken political system where even if you can get common sense/bipartisan legislation it still may not pass
-Strong lobbies intent on pushing back against these common sense/bipartisan reactions

    That's what I came up with.  That's all I got for now.  No further commentary or opinions or joke-em-ups-related-to-this.  Just that.  I don't know how to address these things comprehensively.  Just hope that we get a bloc of representatives who are like hey umm we're actually gonna address this now.  Sick of this crap happening.  Now is what I'm sayin, Right Now. 

 

Michael Kornblum = Crazysheet (The Uppers - Alcohol)

    Pretty sure that equation is more or less accurate.  (The Uppers was my one-man-band from ~2014-2016.  Alcohol is alcohol.  Crazysheet is this.  Michael Kornblum is the guy whose me.)  I was briefly looking at the first few paragraphs of today and the word lunching is a little too close to lynching.  Therefore I'm calling a moratorium on ALL lunching until we can make sure we don't have people lynching people in the early afternoon by mistake.  Remember that time the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and FDR was like now's not the time to get political!  Let's let those who lost friends and family grieve those losses in peace!  I dunno, something like that.  I thought I said I wasn't gonna make a laugh-em-up pertaining to this issue.  Not much of a laugh-em-up, I'm afraid.  More of an insight-em-up, if we're being honest!  Anyway, I dunno, lets get back into the spirit of Hey Regular Entry Gonna Talk Stupid Comedic Nonsense.
    Jeez.  Except, instead of the Japanese bombing Pearl Harbor, it's more like they bombed Pearl Harbor and we didn't do anything, then they started taking over the west coast, and then they just bombed the Midwest, and then we're like now's not the time to get political!  The Midwest is full of strong people and we'll survive!  Also, BEE TEE DUBS, Japan isn't even from the Midwest!  I dunno.  What paragraph are we into now while considering that Gun Safety/White Supremacy/Mental Health stuff was ~one paragraph.  Eighth paragraph!  I don't believe it!  What else is going on.  Yesterday I was saying something about a The New Monkees Concept Album.  Then I was like, what the hell does that mean.  Aren't all albums, "Concept albums?"  What, are the majority of music records just like hey what's the conceptualizing behind that block of songs you decided to introduce into the world and you're like hmm never thought about it, interesting your mind would go there, though!  Stupid me, thinking that people who create creative things for a living have some sort of artistic idea of what the Hell they're actually doing.
    Naive, right?  Anyway, what else is going.  On.  Forgot that word at first!  Then I remembered!  It's a story I'd remember for the rest of my life.  What else is going on.  I covered my Recording Studio Desk Setup with a Christmas Blanket!  I dunno why exactly.  It feels good to be like hmm well that's UNDER WRAPS for now but at any moment I can take this blanket off and then I'M READY TO GO!  Also, you may be wondering, what's a Christmas blanket?  It's a blanket I got for Christmas!  No one is really sure why!  I just got home and was like hmm one of these gifts seems to be a used blanket.  I was Not 100% on board with that, but then it turned out to be very comfortable, and now its acting as a sheet to keep my 8 track and mic from accumulating dust!  Wonderful!  Anyway, I had been writing some save-em-ups that contributed to these first few paragraphs while watching Whatever Crappy Horror Movie I Was Just Watching During Circle Walking This Morning and I think I've gone through 'em all!  Wonderful!
    Paragraph, huh?  10th!  I dunno.  Gonna eat lunch in about 1 hour or 1 hour and a half.  I don't believe it!  White supremacy isn't just an interesting byproduct of these people's world view. It's the instigating factor.  It's like in Taxi Driver how in the possibly-fantasy-sequence of him shooting up the ppl who were keeping Jodie Foster an underage prostitute.  He didn't pick those people at random!  He considered them the scum of the Earth.  And all these shootings are because they think their targets are the scum of the Earth.  I wonder where they got that idea?!?!  The point is How Can I Protect You In This Crazy World It's Alright Yeah It's Alright.  I heard about it in a song.  That's where I get most of my ideas.  From songs!  How about that!   

 

Afternoon 4 Real
   

  Well, it's still only 11:41.  BUT COME ON SO CLOSE TO NOON ITS THE FUCKIN' AFTERNOON!  I guess.  i told you about all the drinks at my disposal, and I also got 6 different flavors of gum goin'.  All Trident-- Spearmint, Peppermint, "Mint Bliss," Cinnamon, Wintergreen, "Tropical Twist."  I'm a glutton for variety!  It's the spice of life!  Unlike cinnamon which is presumably the spice of death or something, I dunno fur sure, it's a spice and it's gotta be for something, right?  Figure I'll write 5 paragraphs or so, take a walk, come back, eat lunch, write another five paragraphs or slow, go to sleep, stay up for several hours while I'm asleep, go to Real Asleep, then tomorrow Hey Monday Is Here How About That Crap!  My least favorite of those gum flavors is Mint Bliss.  Not 100% if its because I'm upset at the false advertising, or if it's just that I find the flavor mediocre.  I think it's both.  It's both a mediocre flavor and it also upsets be how much they're talkin' up the flavor in its title.  Seems wrong, that's all I'm saying!
    Cool!  I dunno.  Right now I'm chewin' on, "Perfect Peppermint," as they call it.  Not sure why.  Is there some small slight segment of the population that's in the market for some gum, has an affinity for Peppermint, and is like, well, I want a peppermint flavored gum, but I've been burned so many times before... if only there was some assurance that this will be such an optimal version of the flavor of peppermint... OH SHIT PERFECT! I'LL TAKE ALL THE PACKS YOU HAVE!  Something along those lines I guess?  I dunno.  One positive side effect of not keeping strict track of how many calories I'm consuming is also not keeping strict track of when I'm eating compared to past eatings.  When I was keeping track, I have breakfast at 7:00 AM, that influences when I'll let myself have lunch.  Not Keepin' No Track, I get to be like, Well is it in the window of lunch time?  And am I hungry?  And, do I anticipate getting appropriately more hungry if I decide to wait a bit?  Stuff along those lines, I guess.
    What paragraph we into now.  13!  I don't believe it.  Probably leaning towards not even attempting the Jimmy Kimmel Diet and just be like alright I'm gonna gain like 2 pounds every month until I decide to switch things upa gain.  That's not too bad!  That goes on for the rest of the year, I've gained 10 pounds!  That's not so bad!  I'm still in the ideal BMI range even after gaining 10 pounds is the point, and then its 2020, and presumably by that point we'll have some sort of drug which makes you lose weight.  C'mon, I'm giving you 5 months to come up with that magic drug, Let's Go!  I figure, though, I can eat an entire fuckin' birthday cake every day indefinitely and it's still healthier than smoking ONE CIGARETTE today.  Cause that one cigarette will lead to more.  Which will lead to, I dunno, dying ~5-10 years sooner?  And spending 6 figure money over the rest of my life for the privilege?  Meanwhile, Birthday Cake, I can stop whenever I want.  There's never gonna be a point in February where I'm like been eating Birthday Cakes every day for some reason... I guess now I'm addicted now and can't stop!  Cause I can stop eating Birthday Cakes whenever I want! 
    This reasoning made sense to be originally.  Hopefully it will again.  Jeez.  Despite what the news industry says, I still would like to visit Disney World with Some Sort of Family and stay in one of their higher-priced moderately-priced hotel resorts.  And get a Belgian waffle shaped liked Mickey Mouse.  And be woken up by a Hotel Phone Call where Mickey Mouse says It's Time To Wake Up!  And, well, those two things are mainly what I'm after.  Belgian Waffles and Waking up.  Sure I can do those today without Disney World, but not as well.  Figure I'll write one and a half more paragraphs, then start a new blob or something!  Seems about right!  Also, the great thing about Disney World, its not too far away from Universal Studios which is another great place to Family Visit!  The possibilities never end in Florida!  Unless by "The Possibilities," you mean, "Democracy."  Then, Yes, you could argue it has ended or will end in Florida.
    Yeah!
  Anyway, what else.  Maybe take a walk after this paragraph, then eat lunch when I get back.  That sounds like fun!  Hey, Bee Tee Dubs, it's the real afternoon now!  Yeah!  I don't think people talk enough about how stupid Ponce De Leon was.  I mean, we learn about him here or there, he was looking for the Fountain Of Youth in Florida.  So we learn that random piece of trivia and move on with our lives.  But we never really devote much time to thinking, man that guy must have been the dumbest person of the millennium!  We know who he is and we know he never did no good for anyone but we don't ridicule him nearly enough for his stupidity!  That's how I feel!  Figure I'll take a walk now, get back, write 5 paragraphs or so while eating lunch, then call it a day!  Awesome!  See ya again real soon!         


You Guessed It!  More Entry!
   

  I guess.  Took a walk-- heated up bison burger-- gonna knock some five more paragraphs out of the park for some reason!  Hey Florida even has a Medieval Times.  And I think a Planet Hollywood!!  Plus maybe even a Hardrock Cafe.  Because nothing says Hard Rock more than a chain restaurant for middle class families to eat in!  And nothing says Medieval Times more than a place from now... even... which isn't during medieval times obviously... and also you get chicken legs to eat!  Pretty sure most people in the real medieval times never got to eat chicken legs!  They were too busy Trying To Not Die Of The Bubonic Plague!  That'll take up most of your free time, believe you me!
    Man I'm eating the crap out of this bison burger!  It goes in my mouth hole... then stuff... small intestines are involved, believe me... then well I left before the movie ended, I dunno what happened next.  I'm sick of people at Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks obsessed with remembering my drink order.  Either they do remember, and they feel like I'm supposed to be beside myself with Appreciation or Thanks, or they don't remember, and they call that to my attention, and they think I'm gonna Walk Out Of The Place or Ask To See Their Manager.  Either way-- I don't give a shit!  I don't expect you to remember and either way won't change my opinion of you!  Just get over it and I'll tell you my specific drink order again I don't mind at all!
    Cool.  What do I got for the rest of the day.  Still real early in te day, but I've done a lot of drinking and writing entry apparently.  Anyway, finished lunch.  I had the whole bison burger!  Like an adult!  No hey there's this portion of food that 98% of people choose to eat the whole thing at once and I'm not gonna because I'm especially weird!  Nope!  Instead, I'm gonna try to be especially weird but end up doing the same thing as the other 98% by accident/through no self control!  Wonderful, just wonderful.  Finished that one can of beer.  Finished that iced coffee, but got a new one.  About to finish Vitamin Water Zero.  Finished Mountain Dew + Vodka.  So, where am I at now?  Let's see.  Iced Coffee and soon nothing else.  Then refill soda, maybe more alcohol, I don't know yet!  No more beer.  And Vitamin Water Zero, once that's gone, that's it!
    Cool.  Fascinating.  If you'd like to hear more about my various drinks throughout the day you can subscribe to my newsletter.  Probably.  I guess.  Two paragraphs to go!  There's a decent chance either Planet Hollywood and/or The Hard Rock Cafe no longer exist.  Such is life!  I feel like around 40% of the time I eat bison burgers I, at some point, think about General Bison from Street Fighter.  Wonderfully played by Raul Julia in the movie version!  If you haven't seen it, check it out, it's a real great movie if you're an eight year old boy.  And, if you're not an eight year old boy, go get one!  Show him the movie!  He'll thank you for the privilege!  You're doing society a favor, you are!  Anyway, what else is going on.  Anyway it's the real afternoon now.  Huh? 
    Possibly the last paragraph.  I don't know why I subject myself to watching worthless horror movies.  There's a whole genre of low budget stupid horror movies that aren't scary, interesting, entertaining, or worth watching in any imaginable way.  Yet I will still put them on.  I will still watch them to completion long after realizing there's no value in this movie.  I dunno why!  I guess I got problems which only crappy horror movies can solve!  Jeez.  What else is going on.  I wonder what kind of dinner I'm gonna have tonight.  I've narrowed it down to being not the same as the lunch I just had nor the breakfast I had earlier.  Alright!  Sure!  I dunno!  Jeez.  I'm done here.  I'll catch ya all on some sort of flip side presumably.

-1:19 P.M.

 

 

Saturday, August 3, 2019

Everything Belongs On The Internet
   

  That's my hypothesis.  Anyway, doing a little bit of Afternoon drinking today.  Past 11:00 AM qualifies as the afternoon, right?  I mean, obviously not literally.  Afternoon, literally, probably means after Noon (P.S.-- that's a fancy way of saying 12:00 P.M.) but, c'mon, in most situations, it's 11:30 A.M. or someting, time to start considering it the afternoon!  My memory of the only job I ever had, the main thing I remember from it was okay it's past 11:00 AM, before 3:00 P.M., that's Lunch Time.  And everyone knows you eat lunch in the afternoon.  Therefore, you get past 11:00 A.M., you're into Afternoon Territory!  Everybody knows that!
    Something I've been thinking about a lot lately.  The One Job I've Had and mostly Hey I Used To Take A Break To Eat Lunch Sometimes While Working.  TThe main memory I have of that is being subservient to my friend who worked there about where/when we should have lunch together.  I wanted Chipotle and he wanted Downstein? (Downstein, in NYU lingo-- there was a Cafeteria in a building called Weinstein.  There were actually TWO cafeterias in Weinstein-- an upstairs one (this one was comprised of 5 or 6 different Food Court versions of fast food restaurants-- Quiznos, Chick-Fil-A, etc), and a downstairs one (this one was more of a standard College Cafeteria with a bunch of different stations with a bunch of variety of food but all NYU run and whatnot.)  Otherwise known as Upstein and Downstein.  Anyway, I wanna get Chipotle (not part of Upstein, just its own place on I wanna say 8th street), he wants Downstein.  I can't win that argument because he goes well I'm gonna get Downstein, you can come with me or not.  There's no reasoning with some people!
    Anyway that paragraph was just a way to make several different HumbleBrags-- I once had a job, I once had a friend, I once went to college, and I once had Chipotle.  Great!  How'd I start this rant.  Oh, right, talking about lunch.  But I talk about lunch all the time?!?  How did this amusing anecdote not come up before??!?!  Real conundrum that is.  Anyway the other point of that paragraph was I'm a real Lunch Cuck.  Real lunch subservient I am.  I have my own ideas of how to best have lunch but I'm easy in terms of just giving up what I want in order to share my lunch experience with someone else who apparently has a different idea of the optimal lunch experience.  But there's no element of well maybe they know best.  Maybe their lunch preference is better for me, too.  No, I remain committed to my own ideas but whatever I dunno.
    Great, just great!  So what do I got for lunch today.  Cinnamon Raisin Bagel and some egg whites.  Maybe put some low fat cream cheese on the bagel-- Dunno Yet!  Only one way to find out-- wait until Lunch Happens and Make That Decision and See What Decision I Made after the fact.  Great!  Was just watching Panic Room.  Huge plot hole-- why didn't Jodie Foster and Kristen Stewart just be like OK STAND WAY DOWNSTAIRS WHERE I CAN SEE YOU, I'MA QUICKLY OPEN THE DOOR, SLIDE THE MONEY YOU WANT PAST THE DOOR, RELOCK THE DOOR, EVERYBODY WINS.  You get the money you want that I didn't even know about, me and my family are safe, we all go on our own separate ways!  The point is every movie has a bunch of plot holes if you're willing to go look for them.  Wait, there's A Batman?  Doesn't seem realistic- I'm not buying it!  And then I cancel my Netflix subscription, I dunno.
    What paragraph we into already.  Fifth!  I don't believe it.  But the evidence is impossible to brush aside!  Hmm, what else is going on.  I set up a nice little recording studio on my until-now-emptied-surface-desk.  Took the 8 track recorder out of hiding, put it up with a microphone-in-mini-stand, a nice little spiral notebook just for Song Notes And Crap, really getting into the spirit of things!  Maybe Hopefully start some new music, I dunno!  One idea I have is to just run with The New Monkees idea and make a, "Concept Album," as if I was The New Monkees in and of myself.  I already got one song-- Hey Hey We're The New Monkees!  One down, 9 or 11 or 13 or 25 to go!  Wonderful, just wonderful.  Got another half dozen good title ideas, so that's somethin'.  About 3 or 4 basic chord structures, too, for some of those songs.  I don't believe it!  But the evidence is impossible to brush aside!
   
Got a 18 pack of Coors Light from supermarket on Wednesday.  Part of it is good because I Like to Drink Beer but also part of it was like, me implying to my father, Look Old Man, I'm doin' the chores of getting stuff from the supermarket, I'm gonna run with that Adulthooding and get some alcoholic beverage!  You gotta problem with that?  I dunno what my problem is with My Old Man in this scenario.  Why I gotta rub it in his face that I'm an adult and can do errands and even drink beer if I want to?  I dunno, this whole paragraph is faulty!  Very faulty!   

 

Here's What I Propose:  Titles That Mean Things
   

  Eh we'll put that in the Maybe Pile.  That's what R Lee Ermey said when he overheard someone ask someone else who out of us would be a good marine? and the guy responded maybe Pyle  and R Lee Ermey goes Maybe Pyle?  The guy is a great shot with a rifle!  He may not realize it yet but I love him dearly and I can't wait till he graduates from Marine School to tell him how proud I am of him and how truly thankful I am that he never killed me even when I was being hard on him for his own good.  True line of dialogue from Full Metal Jacket that was cut for time!  Anyway, to finish this piece of crap paragraph, here's a Save-Em-Up I wrote a few hours ago that means absolutely nothing and isn't funny--  I've decided, "Y," does indeed count as a vowel in, "Crazy."  And I'm gettin' rid of the, "A," we don't need it.
   
Never would have actually put that up on this website if I hadn't been in the situation well that paragraph literally only needs 1-3 sentences to being The Correct Size Blob Of Words... this thing'll fit in nicely there.  So, wonderful, great, what else is going on.  Another thing I was thinking about this morning, I dont like the term Stan to be like I'm a fan of this thing or guy or band, I, "Stan," it/him/them.  Obviously I know the song Stan by Marshall Mathers.  Yeah, I get what its a reference to.  But you're missing the point of the song!  The point of the song isn't hey Eminem has a big fan!  How charming!  It's that this guy is nuts and relies on music too heavily and there's a real tragic ending to his story no spoilers.  It's not that Man This Guy Is The Eminem Superfan!  He Speaks For All Of Us who really, really like Eminem!  I feel relatively strongly about this because, well, I dunno.  I'm sure I've got my reasons, believe you me.
    Cool!  Ninth paragraph.  I guess I'm, "Down," with that.  I was thinking about the cultural phenomenon of, "Pre-gaming," cause I had a can of beer while still doing my Watching-Panic-Room-Morning-Circle-In-Room-Walking.  What kind of messed up alcoholic shit is that?  Oh I MUST be drunk as fuck later, I better start getting drunk now to prepare for being even more drunk later!!  And this is most prevalent, probably, among high schoolers or college kids.  This is how they're introduced into the world of drinking (Well, that's how it panned out for me, at least).  WE MUST BE DRUNK LATER MUST GET DRUNK NOW DRINK DRINK DRINK THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH DRINKING!?!?!  I dunno, I think it's a valid point and even possibly an idea that could lend itself to humor and jokes and whatnot and one day I hope to have the time and determination to figure out those jokes but in the meantime hey it's the next paragraph after this!
    Over the last week or two, I've been getting these chain e-mails from people I took the Comedy Class with being like I got this show coming up you guys should come it'll be fun! and my reaction is What You think you're better than me?  I'm gonna reply to this e-mail and say what you think you're better than me?  Let's go back in time 2 months.  We were in the class and I was clearly better than you.  Now you got shows and I'm supposed to be impressed?  I coulda gotten those bookings if I put in the same amount of time and effort as you did.  Lets not kid ourselves.  Also, get the fuck out of my inbox you waste of space.  Jesus.  The point is I harbor a lot of bad feelings based on possibly-inferior people's success.  How dare them put in Effort and Time to make the most of the creative gifts that they've apparently been blessed with!  What They Think They're Better Than Me?!?!?
   
Something like that, I dunno.  11th paragraph!
  Figure I'll have lunch pretty soon, I got that going for me.  Hey I saw gastroenterologist yesterday, gonna need a colonoscopy.  My parents will be so proud.  I dunno, something like that.  Thinkin' about a new facet of my diet where I just don't eat atall one day a week.  I heard about it from Jimmy Kimmel from Conan O Brian's Podcast from The Internet From Earth.  Anyway He did a diet which was something like that and it worked out for him!  I kinda like the idea.  Don't eat once a week.  Then go relatively nuts the other times!  Also, jeez, you're not gonna believe this...  Speaking of Jimmy Kimmel, eating, and NYU cafeterias... there's a building in NYU called The Kimmel Center and there's a fuckin' cafeteria in it!  Referred to colloquially as Kimmel.  Man what a crazy world we live in!  Both of those things showing up just paragraphs away from each other!  I don't believe it!  But there it is!  Actual proof of God Existing and Fate And Destiny!  All in these 12 paragraphs!!!!
    First block of paragraphs was 6 paragraphs.  This is the 6th paragraph of the next block.  Figure I'll start lunch after this paragraph, maybe take a walking break after the next 6 paragraphs.  Hmm that's a lotta numbers gotta wonder if all that OCD planning is gonna pay off in the end.  Oh, we'll see, alright.  We'll see.  I dunno.  Looking forward to the movie of Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark.  My childhood would have been significantly less traumatic if it weren't for those stories/illustrations/audiobook.  And every childhood needs some trauma!  That way you have things to talk about during extended talk therapy with psychiatrists!  You go in for an introductory appointment, they go, got any crap to talk about your childhood and you're like, even with much prompting and interrogating and instigation, nope everything was perfect! really can't think of a thing. then you got nowhere to go.  At the very least, thanks to this franchise, you can talk about hey there were these books that scared me... is that a trauma thing?  And the physiatrist, who likes your money, is like hmm tell me more.  Lunch Time!

 

Something Along Those Lines
   

  Even though I see both a physiatrist and a therapist once a month each, I don't do any talk therapy like that.  It's all just maintenance stuff.  No delving into deeper stuff with past or feelings or family or anything like that.  Which is good, cause who cares lets just move on with our lives supposedly.  I dunno.  Started lunch.  Past noon, too!  I don't believe it.  Anyway Lunch Is Going Pretty Good.  I'm totally eating it and it tastes good and supposedly will feel full to some extent when I'm done eating!  Jeez.  13th paragraph, figure I'll take a walk after this blob is over.  I hate to admit it, because it's really gonna lessen your already tenuous opinion of me, but I did a real shitty job cutting this bagel in half.  One half is like 1/4th of the bagel, and the other half is like 3/ths.  Horizontal halves, you know.  Halving it to go in the toaster.  But way off base in doing it evenly.
    Part of the shame is because it lessens your opinion of me, but there's also the practical problem of really gotta push this Bigger Half into toaster myself.  Not gonna go down completely just pressing the button.  Gotta actually push it down manually.  Oh well, we all have our good and bad attributes.  Cutting things in half just happens to be something I ain't no good at!  Anyway, been 18 weeks since last cigarette.  Another thing to think about while adjusting my dieting/exercising/keeping-track-of-things routine.  By the time I quit smoking, I had been keeping strict track of calories consumed, and walking outside, and started the Room Walking at the exact same time as quitting cigarettes.  So, adjusting my life slightly in those regards, also makes me think about cigarettes.  So far, great, huh, this is a paragraph for some reason?  I don't really have all the details.
    15th paragraph!  Already got Chipotle in the fridge for tonight.  I get it delivered on Doordash, I'm paying a delivery charge, a service charge, and a tip, doesn't make sense to do all that for just one burrito bowl for lunch.  Better get two.  Then it's all worth it!  Supposedly.  So that's dinner tonight!  Alright!  First instinct was to try the Once-a-Week-Fasting on Sundaies, sure that's how I choose to spell Sundais right now, but I dunno.  I had the idea of folding a piece of paper into 8 equal segments, writing a day of the week on each one with the 8 piece saying re-draw, mix em up, pick one at random, and use that as the day of the week I would fast during.  Just to be fair and impartial.  That came up with Thursday which kinda makes sense.  You don't want it to effect your weekend, but you also don't want it to be a standard week day.  Thursday, that means by the time the weekend comes around you're all set, but also during the working week it's ahead of ya.  Sorta becomes the transition from week-to-weekend.  I think about some things way too hard.
   
Yet, it seems, not hard enough.  Because if I was thinking about it too hard, I'd probably come to the conclusion this diet is weird and won't work and isn't sustainable and there's no way this will last more than several weeks and that's if you even have the discipline to do it once.  I dunno, I think you're an idiot, how about that?  I can-so do it!  I'll show ya, I'll show all of ya!  Anyway, 16th paragraph.  20 probably makes the most sense, and I'm confident I'll get to at lesat 20.  I should probably stop there.  Figure I'll finish this entry, then take my walk.  With the whole rest of the day ahead of me!  Which will, entail... I dunno.  We'll find out together!  And by Us Finding Out Together, I mean, I will find out Alone.  You won't be there at all.  It was a bald faced lie!  A false based lie!  Oh well, such is life.
    Four ta go!  My first thought when thinking about what day do I fast was Shabbat (Jewish Saturday) because you're not supposed to do things that day and its a thing for Jews to fast sometimes (Yom Kippur) so that might make sense in terms ofi iother people kinda do this.) Then the next thought was Sunday cause it's like Christian-Shabbat And Hey Christians seem to be doing alright for themselves in this country maybe I could fast on the day they would fast if they had to for some reason to honor Jeebus and I'll thus be doing aright for myself in this country.  Also, is it called Sunday because Jesus was SUPPOSEDLY the Son of God?  And we honor him then?  I dunno.  Also, obviously God and his Son are really important in the grand scheme of things, and we're supposed to have a good relationship with them, but how are they around each other?  Never seen any evidence of what God and Jesus' relationship might be like.  They must interact, right?  I wanna know what that's like! 
    Also, is our relationship with Jesus separate from our relationship with God?  Do we sometimes pray to God and are like Well, don't tell Jesus this, but... and then sometimes we're like Sweet Jesus!  ...Don't tell your Dad I took your name in vain, he's gonna be pissed off...  none of this makes sense to an outsider like me.  Anyway, jeez.... us.  Probably safe to assume the word Jeez is an abbreviated and Christianly acceptable shorthand for Jesus, right?  I dunno.  "Christianly," is an actual word, according to Microsoft FrontPage.  Not sure if I'm 100% on board with that.  Oh well, what can ya do.  This program and others for writing, like Microsoft Word, etc., they always give you the option of adding things to their dictionary to make them not have the red-wavy-lines underneath the word.  Do these programs give you the option of UNmaking a word?  Say I don't want, "Christianly," to be acknowledged as a word.  Can I do that or do I just have to stop using that computer application completely?  
    Two to go!  Finished lunch.  I got that going for me for some reason!  I found it annoying that a week or two ago I was talking about how great it would be to go to Disney World as an adult with 1st choice) wife/new family or 2nd choice) old family and then a few days later there was an article in one of New York's lesser papers and trending on twitter how its weird for adults to go to Disneyworld.  Annoying!  Get of my website is the point, I'm gonna go to magic fun filled places where I can be anonymous and enjoy the same cultural stuff as everyone else and spent quality time with people I love!  And it doesn't matter what the NYPost or Daily News or whoever it was writing that article think!  How dare you and fuck you and get the fuck off my website!  You do realize that this was a coincidence and aren't really on this website.  You do realize, YOU GET OFF THE WEBSITE TOO.  SPRING CLEANING MOTHER FUCKERS.
    Last paragraph.  I dunno.  Dunno if I'm gonna continue drinking today after I get back from walking and am done with writing the entry.  Only one way to find out!  Wait a while and just see what happens.  Sounds like fun.  I dunno.  This entry went pretty well, right?  Good New Routine to get into.  Writin' paragraphs around LunchTime and DayDrinking because I'm following a JimmyKimmelDiet so it'll all work out in the end.  What other Jodie Foster movies can I watch during late mornings while I'm gettin' my circle wakling in.  There's Taxi Driver on Netflix, that's on the docket.  OTher movies, too, I would guess.  It happens more often than I'd like to admit, but every now and then I think hard and seriously about the movie Taxi Driver and the movie Taxi and how each one might have been better with the other ones' title.  I dunno.  This is crap.  But it's Done Crap.   That's the best kind of crap!  I'll see ya later.

-12:47 P.M.

 

 

Thursday, August 1, 2019

What The Title!
   

  I hate that title.  Where does it get off being so shitty?  Hey, it's a new month!  Trying to transition away from keeping strict track of calories consumed/burned every day.  Gonna try going a whole week just hey I'ma eat what I want when I want but just be conscious about not doing it when I don't realy need to and also hey I'ma take some walks and walk around in a circle in my room just a little bit and less structured! and see where all that takes me.  It feels kind of weird, though.  If I'm not either exercising, eating, or thinking about upcoming exercising/eating what the hell is life supposed to be?  Just living?  But what even is that?  I don't know!  Oh well such is life I guess.  I assume.  Like I said, I don't really know what life is but I'll probably figure it out at some point eventually.
    Hey I went to see Yesterday yesterday!  For the next 14 hours, that title will be absolutely 100% perfect!  Then, after midnight, goes back to the just another title pile.  But, for today, A++ title buddies.  Did you know Yesterday was a phrase before the song and the movie?  People used to say it to signify the day that was before the day that is today!  The more you know.  Anyway.  Re-watching Gran Torino.  I don't 100% know why, but for some reason, that movie has some decent re-watching value to me.  Not funny or scary, which are two genres that for me are big for re-play value.  Cause you get to either laugh all over again or be scared all over again!  What's the use of re-watching Drama.  Hey I'm absorbing this plot conflict character arc drama again... wonderful.  Doesn't make sense!  But anyway it's a pretty good movie if you tune out all the racism and violence.
    If there's no racism or violence, what the Hell even is life?  Pretty sure that's the inner monologue of our president for the present.  I dunno if Trump is very much into violence, to be fair.  I think he's too much of a pussy.  Unless its specifically combined with racism.  That's okay.  But if its just two guys getting into a bar fight, or a war going on between two countries of white people, Trump is probably like this is no good I'ma run for cover!  But if it's us bombing a Muslim country or a neo Nazi running over a lady, he's like now well this makes sense.  Hey what a great Role-Model-In-Chief.  Whatta jip this life on this planet at this time is!  Whatta scam!  Anyway, what else is going on.  Gonna take a break after this paragraph.  I don't think I need to keep you updated on Taking Breaks and stuff like that.  Just fuckin' write when I want, take a break, continue writing, keep you out of it!  Sure, sure, great.

 

- Thurs 8/1/19 Morning

 

What The Evening!
   

  Took several hours, but now I'm back here again!  Was re-reading last month's seven entries.  Good stuff!  Really feel like one day I'll look back at it and be like Man that sure was July 2019!  Nobody can ever take that away from me!  Online Stuff Is Permanent.  ...Unless Ralph Breaks The Internet or something... the movie was a warning.  Speaking of Warning Movies, The Day After Tomorrow is part IV of the Yesterday franchise.  Just a heads up!  Anyway I liked the movie Yesterday just fine.  It was like some producers were like hey you know what people love?  Beatles songs and then another one went I wonder if there's a way we can make money off that and then the first one was like oh there are ways!  lets just get someone in a room and force 'em to listen to Beatles songs for hours and they'll give you money beforehand even for the privilege!
    Sure that makes sense.  Lots of sense!  Why would something that doesn't make sense not not happen?  Jeez I'm gonna start making sense from now on.  Seems like a smart thing to do, right?  I was the only one in the Yesterday screening, sitting right in the middle of the theater, and I was really getting a Clockwork Orange vibe but instead of Beethoven it was The Beatles and instead of Ultraviolence is was mindless romcom pitterpatter.  So, yeah, pretty much the same thing.  Although no machine was holding my eyes open so I was able to experiment with, here and there, just closing my eyes so I could listen to the music without it being corrupted by the B- movie that was going on around it.  So that took some of the edge off.  Shutting my eyes and whatnot.  Anyway, I dunno, what else is goin' on.  Writin' these paragraphs before dinner.  Figure I'll write one more paragraph, then eat dinner, then re-evaluate life.
    Cool!  Anyway, I dunno, so far not keeping a strict regimen of eating/exercising is going great.  Really.  I just fuckin' lie in bed and decompress.  Or, whatever I do, it's all decompressing.  It's like Aziz Ansari says... ...something something right now.  I forget all of it but the gist is c'mon just do what you do right now or something I forget the gist of it I already told you.  Wonderful.  Spoiler Alert-- I thought it was 100% Nice how at the end of the movie Yesterday they play a song with the lyrics something something Say Yes.  [Note Elliott Smith Superfans-- it wasn't his song Say yes, it was just some other song with those lyrics].  I liked it because I always thought of E. Smith's song Say Yes combined with the song Yesterday.  Say Yes... Yes-ter-day.  Look, I can't be the only person in the world who thinks about these things, right?  Oh, right, I'm not!  That's the whole point of this rant!    So, to see that these two stickmen fictional money hungry movie producers decided to have a little Lyrical Wink & Nod with the words Say Yes and the word Yesterday, well, that makes all their stupid stickmen fictional money hungry bullshit craps worth it!  Dinner Time!

 

We All Live In a Yellow Gran Torino
   

  Was taking my evening walk, it occurred to me I live in an Asian neighborhood, too!  Therefore Gran Torino is officially About Me and I guess I'm gonna die soon avenging my neighborhood's rape?  Sounds about right I guess!  Anyway, what the what.  Or maybe I'll be raped and someone'll have to avenge me.  Or I'll be Thao, doing whatever it is that he does.  Not 100% sure.  I know he's a good kid and warms the cockles of Clint Eastwood's heart but beyond that not sure what he's really 100% all about.  Waiting for the sequel.  Where Thao is in his late 20's and he gets a new neighbor and he has to help him become a man or something I dunno exactly what the movie is really all about.  All I was ever able to deduce from it was Having Your Own Movie Is Kind Of Like Having a Car.  The Movie is Clint Eastwood's Very Own True Life, "Gran Torino."  Somethin' like that.
   
Hmm.  Meant to say, "My Neighbor's rape," last paragraph, but maybe saying neighborhood is a bit of a Freudian slip?  Like maybe that's what the movie was about.  Clint Eastwood feels his community is being Unlawfully Entered.  Because, after all, what is illegal (or, to some, legal) immigration other than Community Rape (I mean, not to us, us being the fine upstanding Christian people we are, but specifically to intolerant/stupid/paranoid/gullible people, at least)?  Figured that riddle out, saved humanity from that conundrum, NEXT!  The point is this is the kind of stuff people come to Crazysheet for, so you're welcome jerks!  Now get off my website before I pop ya full of lead!  By which I mean hey let's put on Physical Graffiti that sounds like a fun Thursday Night, right?  Eh, too lazy to put on any music.  What if I choose the wrong song or album?  Not sure I could handle that kind of disappointment in my own failures as a D.J.  Best just to not listen to music anymore at all!

 

Explain-- How Come In Gran Torino Clint Eastwood Never Listened to The Song Remains The Same?
   

  My guess is he did in the first draft of the screenplay but they cut it for time!  Jeez, I dunno.  New month, I know that much!  Anyway, jeez, think I'm gonna have a drink or three tonight.  Maybe two.  Probably not any other number!  So, what's going on in the wide world of sports.  Got Gastroenterologist appointment tomorrow.  Hopefully the amount of stuff that has to go up my butt is kept to a minimum.  Man if I had a nickel for every time I had to say that... I'd have a buttload of nickels... which is an interesting equation as it expands exponentially.  Lets take a look at the math...
   
Anyway what else is going on.  What the what and whatnot.  I graduated Queens College 1.67 years ago.  Still waiting on that graduation present of a new TV!  And since I got rid of my old one, I've been completely TVless in my room for almost four months.  Maybe that's a good thing, I dunno.  Kinda makes me wanna go to my Mom, you know what?  You thought there would be no consequences for you not fulfilling your campaign promise of giving me a new TV after I graduate.  WRONG, LADY!  I'm Ripping up this degree!  BACK TO COLLEGE FOR ME!  And now in this scenario I just have to go back to college and I never graduated after all all just to spite my Mother for not letting me Watch Bullshit for 1/3rd of the rest of my life.  Anyway, how about that, August has begun and we're into the thick of it now!  We'll see what the future brings I guess.  Hopefully no more Beatles Ultraviolence, Immigrationrape, Broken Graduation Gift Campaign Promises, or Songs Not Remaining Quite The Same.  See ya later.

-8:40 P.M.

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